Sacred Tears
by MusicLover16
Summary: 9/11 was a tragic day for thousands. In this story Edward works in the towers and Jasper and Emmett are firefighters. When tragedy strikes, will they be able to survive and make it back to their families or will they give up forever?
1. Chapter 1

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Hey everybody....im happi ur reading my story n i hope u lyk it....i worked realli hard on this story so plz reveiw....pretti plz lol. its bascially dedicated to 9/11. enjoy

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Chapter 1

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The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. ~Mignon McLaughlin

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6:07 AM September 11, 2001

Today was like every other day. I woke up next to the man I loved just like the day before. I stared up at my husband and ran my hands through his beautiful bronze hair. His lips pulled up at the sides letting me know that he was awake. He wrapped a arm around me and pulled me closer to him. He opened his eyes to look at me and leaned down to touch my lips with his.

"Good morning sweetheart." He said as he pulled away. I smiled and nuzzled my head into his chest sighing contently. "Do you have to go?" I asked this question everyday for the past two and a half years. I could feel him laughing under me. "Of course I have to go love. I cant just miss work for no reason." "Ill be your reason." I said hoping he would choice to stay home with me, Samuel and Lillian. Lillian is our four year old daughter and Samuel is our five year old son.

"As tempting as that sounds love I have to go. I have a huge meeting on the 105th floor today. I might get that promotion I've been hoping so bad for." he said. I knew then that there was no chance of him staying home. He'd been talking about that promotion for five months now. He wanted it so bad. I rolled over in the bed so that I wasn't facing him anymore. I felt the bed move as he sat up and put his chin on my shoulder. "Please don't be mad love. I just really want this. Maybe if I get this promotion we can get a new house like you wanted. Besides ill be back before you know it. After the meeting ill come home and have lunch with you, Sam and Lilly."

"Lilly and Sammy have school today, remember?" I said still not looking at him. "Ill come home and have lunch with you then. Then when I get out of work ill take you, Sam and Lilly out for ice cream ok love." I turned to look at him and saw in his beautiful green eyes that he really didn't want me to be mad at him so I nodded my head ok and got out the bed to start on breakfast while he went to get in the shower. About 35 minutes later Edward came into the kitchen in his suit and tie and carrying a groggy Lilly in his arms.

"Hey honey. Mommy made breakfast. Guess what she made." I said walking over to her with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in my hands. Her face lit up as she saw them and she squealed "Yummy" as Edward sat her down at the table and gave her a fork. She began trying to rip the pancakes apart immediately. I poured her some orange juice and sat it down next to her. As Edward sat down across from her I gave him his plate of pancakes and some orange juice and Sammy came into the kitchen rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I grabbed a plate of pancakes and some orange juice for Sammy and put it on the table in front of him. Then I grabbed my breakfast and sat down next to Edward. He was cutting up Lilly's pancakes for her. She grabbed a piece and said "Open up daddy here comes the train." she waved her little arm in the air making train noises and put the pancake in Edwards mouth. Staring at Edward and Lilly playing at the table made me feel all warm inside. In that moment in time everything was perfect. I had a wonderful life with the people I love most in this world. In that moment I felt that everything was going to be just fine.

"Mommy can you cut my pancakes." Sammy said snapping me out of my trance. "Of course sweetie." I said picking up the knife and cutting my sons pancakes. "Guess where daddy gets to go today." Edward said swallowing his pancakes. Sammy and Lilly both said 'Where' at the same time. "Daddy gets to go to the 105th floor today." Lilly's eyes went wide and she said "Aren't you scared daddy? That's really really really really high." she said. Me and Edward let out a chuckle and he said "No daddy's not scared. The World Trade Center is very well protected. It was designed that way sweetie." her eyes went back to the normal size and she continued to stuff too big pieces of food into her small mouth.

"Daddy when are we gonna be able to see where you work?" Sammy asked. "I don't think you'll be able to son. Not till your older anyway. Dad works on the 73rd floor and mommy's scared to bring you guys up there. She's afraid of heights." Edward said glancing up at me and smiling. "I am not afraid of heights. I just panic when im to far up." I said in my defense. "Don't worry mommy. We'll protect you." Sammy said. "Yea mommy. We'll keep you safe." Lilly said with a pancake in her mouth. "You will? Then I guess I have nothing to be scared of do I?" I said. "So can we mommy. Can we go to work with Daddy. Please." Lilly said swallowing her pancake. "No sweetie not today. You have school remember. Maybe some other time, if you guys are extra good." I said looking at my daughter and son who were seated right next to each other.

"But I want to go to work with daddy." Sammy said dropping his fork. "Sammy you have school today. Maybe when you get out of school we can go visit him ok." I said in a motherly voice. He nodded in defeat. "Eat your breakfast and go get ready for school." I said picking up my plate and rinsing it off in the sink. "Im gonna head off to work." Edward said coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. I turned around and put my arms around his neck. He leaned down and kissed me passionately. I love the way he kisses me. Its like a spark of electricity running through my body and it feels amazing.

He broke the kiss all to soon and went back to the table. He picked up Lilly in one arm and Sammy in the other. "Gosh you guys are getting heavy." he said. "No daddy your just getting old." Lilly said. We all laughed and Edward gave the kids a kiss goodbye and set them back on the floor. "You guys be good for mommy. Ill see you when I get out of work ok. I love you." he said picking up his suitcase and making his way back to me. "I love you too you know. With every beat of my heart." he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too Edward. With every breathe I take." I whispered back. I wanted to stay like that forever. I wanted to stand here in his arms and never have to let go. He pulled back and kissed me again. This time when he pulled away I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Almost like he wasn't supposed to be away from me today. As I stood there and watched him walk out the door, something in me wanted to yell and scream for him to come back to me.

"Mommy im done." Sammy said giving me his plate. "Ok hon, go get ready for school. And actually brush your teeth today." I yelled after him. "What about you miss Lillian. Are you done?" she nodded her head and gave me her plate. I put it in the sink and took my daughter by the hand. She jumped and bounced and skipped all the way to her room. I think she gets that from her Aunt Alice. I helped Lilly pick out what she wanted to wear today and she put it on. She picked a dress covered in large blue, ivory, and brown dots snd a blue bow. After she got it on I put a brown bow in her hair.

I helped her brush her teeth and went to go help Sammy. When I walked in his room he was fully dressed and surprisingly he matched today. He wore just a black shirt with blue jeans and black shoes. "Wow aren't you a big boy today." I said jokingly, standing in the doorway to his room. He looked up at me with those beautiful green eyes that him and Edward shared and smiled at me. "Did you brush your teeth?" I asked him. He nodded his head enthusiastically. "Ok well get your backpack and a jacket and we can go." I said turning around to go find Lilly's shoes.

I searched the closet by the front door and found the white baby doll shoes I was looking for. I put them on Lilly and zipped hers and Sammy's jackets up and grabbed my keys off the key rack by the door. "Mommy aren't you gonna where a jacket?" Lilly said. I smiled at her and grabbed my jacket off the chair it was laying on and put it on. I strapped the kids into my Chevy Traverse that Id gotten after me and Edward were married when we were 18.

I drove the few short blocks to the school and walked the kids to the door. I gave them each a kiss and a hug and after failing to put Sammy's brown untidy hair down I finally left. When I got back to my house I found that the door was already unlocked. I walked in and was immediately greeted by Alice, Edwards sister sitting on my couch. She's a short little women with too much energy. "Hey Bella." she said as I walked through the door. "Hey...Alice. How'd you get in?" I asked. "Emergency key. Edward gave it to me." she said while eating the rest of the chocolate pancakes. "Alice that's for emergencies." I said hanging my coat up in the closet and putting my keys on the key rack.

"This was an emergency. We don't have chocolate pancakes at home." she said smiling at me. I walked over to her and sat down next to her. "Where's Jasper, already at the station?" I asked. She nodded her head. Jasper is Alice's husband. They've been married for as long as Edward and I have. Jasper works at the fire station with Emmett, Alice and Edwards brother. Emmett's married to Rosalie, Jaspers twin sister and one of my best friends.

"He left right before I dropped Ashlynn off at school." she said taking another bite of the pancakes. Ashlynn is there five year old daughter. "Rose said she'll be here in a few minutes. Her and Emmett woke up late and she had to rush to get Abigail and Joshua ready for school." Abigail and Joshua are Rose and Emmett's five year old twins. We were all pregnant at the same time and the kids are only weeks apart. Sammy was born first so he has that big brother protective thing over the others. Then a week later Joshua was born and a few minutes later Abigail was here. Then a week after that Ashlynn was born. Then a year later I got pregnant with Lilly.

"What time is it?" I asked Alice. She checked the clock on her phone and said "7:36." "Ugh…I feel so tired. I think im gonna take a nap." I said slouching down on the couch. That's when Rose walked through the door. Wow. Does no one knock around here. "Hey sorry im late." she said setting her purse down. "Late? Late for what?" I asked. Alice turned to me and smiled. "Ohh pancakes." Rose said as she walked over to Alice and picked up a few pieces of pancake and put it in her mouth.

"So whats the plan for today?" Rose said sitting down. "I don't know. What is there to do?" Alice said getting up and putting her plate away. "Well I don't know about you guys but I need a shower. Let me know what you guys decide." I said getting up and walking to my room to pick out what I was going to wear today. I decided to put on a purple halter top and black skinny leg jeans hoping that Alice wouldn't complain to much about my attire.

I got into the shower and washed my hair by the time I got out it was 8:25. I dried my hair and combed it out taking in the sweet smell of strawberries. After I dried it out I let it hang freely down my back. I put some socks on knowing that it was going to take Alice forever until she decided what she wanted to do and my feet were cold. I walked back out to discover Alice and Rose watching TV on the couch. "So have you decided what you want to do today?" I asked sitting down in between Rose and Alice. They both shook there head no and continued to watch TV. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was currently 8:38.

I began to have this uneasy feeling inside me. Like I was waiting for something to happen. "Well we need to figure out what were gonna do today." I said shaking off the feeling. "Well I want to go shopping." said Alice. "Alice we went shopping yesterday." I said groaning like a baby. "Well then miss smarty pants you decide what you wanna do." "I don't know what I wanna do." I said. "Then were going shopping." "Ill figure something out though." I said too quickly. Shopping with Alice is like torture for me. Alice and Rose both began to laugh. I put a small smile on my face. I still felt like something big was about to happen.

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8:46 AM : Flight 11 crashes at roughly 490 mph into the north face of the North Tower of the World Trade Center between floors 93 and 99.

We were still arguing about what we were going to do today when Rose's phone rang. I looked at the clock yet again. It was 8:49. Me and Alice were still talking when Rose slammed her phone shut and began frantically searching for something. "Rose whats wrong?" We asked but she wouldn't say anything. "Rose what is it? Your scaring me." Alice said trying to calm Rose down. "Where's the damn remote?" Rose nearly screamed. Alice handed it to her and she quickly turned the channel. What I heard next would forever change my life.

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"Yeah ... This just in. You are looking at obviously a very disturbing live shot there. That is the World Trade Center, and we have unconfirmed reports this morning that a plane has crashed into one of the towers of the World Trade Center. CNN center right now is just beginning to work on this story, obviously calling our sources and trying to figure out exactly what happened, but clearly something relatively devastating happening this morning there on the south end of the island of Manhattan. That is once again, a picture of one of the towers of the World Trade Center."

I could fell my airways closing. I was in shock and I couldn't move. My mind wasn't processing any of this. How could a plane have run into the building. All my thoughts were on Edward. He was on the 105th floor but I didn't know what building he was in. We never really talked about his jb uless it was important so I never found out whar building he was in. I felt Alice and Rose staring at me. Right now I felt nothing. It was like time had stopped and I was being sucked into some nightmare. Learning how to work my muscles I picked up my phone off the table and dialed my husbands number. I just needed to hear his voice.

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"Hey you've reached Edward Cullen. I cant get to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number I will get back to you. Thank you. Have a nice day."

I pushed the end button and dialed the number again. Straight to voicemail. I dialed the number again. Nothing. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks now. The hysteria was coming. I began pushing the numbers faster. My hands were shaking. The tears were coming more frequently. All I needed was to hear his voice. That's all I wanted. Just for him to tell me he's ok and that he's not in the tower that got hit. Please God, let me hear his voice. Ill give anything just for him to speak one word to me.

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8:55 (approx.): Announcements are made over the building-wide PA system by officials in the still-undamaged South Tower of the World Trade Center, reporting that the building is "secure" and that people should return to their offices. Some do not hear it; others ignore it and evacuate anyway; others congregate in common areas like the 78th floor sky lobby

"Bella. Bella calm down." Rose and Alice said to me. I was shaking now. God please let him be okay. I need him to be okay. The TV was still showing pictures of the crash. You could see the smoke and fire coming from the building. Those poor people. People were dieing right now, I just hope to God that Edward isn't one of them. I looked up at Alice and saw that she also had tears in her eyes. This was her brother. She felt the same as I did right now. I looked at Rose, she too had tears in her eyes. This was her best friend. I grabbed them both in my arms seeking comfort and wanting to give it also.

I pulled back only to ask Rose who called her. "It was Emmett. There headed over there now." she said looking at Alice. "What do you mean there headed over there? Cant they see that a plane has just ran into the building. Why are they going over there?" Alice said, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "Emmett said there going to help." Rose said, new tears spilling down her cheeks as well. "You mean they have to go in there?" Alice practically screamed. Her small body began to shake with sobs. Me and Rose held onto her even tighter.

I couldn't believe what was happening. All three of us could lose our husbands today. This moment was surreal. We kept the TV on wanting to know everything that went on. Every channel we turned to had a picture of the burning building. Then something happened that made my whole world turn upside down.

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**9:03: Flight 175 crashes at about 590 mph (950 km/h) into the south face of the South Tower (2 WTC) of the World Trade Center, banked between floors 78 and 85.**

I felt my heart jump out of my chest and run away as fast as it could. Now there was more possibility that Edward was hurt. Something was going on here. How could two planes hit the towers. What the hell was happening. We all broke out in uncontrollable sobs because we all knew that there was a possibility that our husbands were in one of those buildings.

I got up and paced the floor of my house. They were playing another clip of the plane smashing into the second tower. The sobs in my chest were uncontrollable. They wouldn't stop. All I could think about was my husband. I cant live without him. He promised to be there forever. He has to be ok. He needs to be ok. I keep telling myself this as I paced the floor over and over again clutching my phone so tight in my hand that you could see the whites of my knuckles.

I just needed to hear his voice. Just let me here his voice. I froze when my phone rang. I looked at the caller id and sighed when it read _mom_. I answered and was immediately greeted by a hysteric Renee. "Mom. Calm down." I said. "Oh my gosh Bella are you ok. Did Edward go to work today? Please tell me he didn't." "Yea mom. He went." I said sadly. "Oh my God. Bella are you ok? Are the kids? I cant believe any of this. Me, Phil and your dad are catching a flight out there as soon as possible but with everything going on, it may take awhile. Honey im so sorry."

"Its ok mom. Ill see you when you get here. I love you." "I love you to baby." my mom said hanging up. I went back to pacing the floors and I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alice's phone rang. We all froze. She picked it up slowly and let out a breath as she said "Its my mom." she answered the call. "Hello?"….. "Yea mom, I cant believe it either."……. "Yea. He went to work today."…….. "Were with Bella now. Were at her house."…….. "I know mom. Its unbelievable. Mom?"…… "Emmett and Jasper went down to help…..right before the second plane hit"….silence….. "Ok mom. I love you too."

"My moms on her way." she said flipping her phone shut. We all sat there in silence. Waiting. Alice and Rose were still on the couch. I was pacing the floor still. Something on the TV caught my attention and I stopped pacing. "_I am here on the scene of this horrific event and let me tell you it is chaotic. There's firefighters and ambulances everywhere. Some fire fighters are inside the buildings tending to the fires and the hurt while others are handling things out here. I am sad to say that there are unconfirmed rumors going around that this is a terrorist attack. There are planes being hijacked all over the country."_

It all made sense now. All of this was intentional. People planed to kill millions today.

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**Hopefulli u guys lyked it...i think i did pretti gud on it lol....plz reveiw n let me know wat u think....so i have sum bad news guys n gals...my computer caught a virus and isnt working rite :-( that n tha fact that skool started bak up n i have volleyball practice everyday makes it difficult to write. ill try to work sumthing out n im very sorri. 4 those of u who read my other story its gonna b awhile b4 i can update....im very sorri...plz dnt hate me lol...**


	2. Chapter 2

**hey...thank u so much 2 those of u who have read this story...it means alot 2 me...i know some of the information may be incorrect but 4 tha saake of tha story lets jus pretend its rite lol...heres chapter 2...enjoy**

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Chapter 2

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"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."  
--- Washington Irving

Esme was there ten minutes after she got off the phone with Alice. She said that Carlisle had stayed at the hospital to help. After Esme got there I decided to go get the kids. "I just want to make sure there safe and I don't want them to hear any of this from anyone but me. They might get scared." I said when Esme tried to stop me. She finally let me go and I got my keys and made my way to the door. "Can you get all of them?" Rose called after me. I nodded my head and made my way to the car.

I turned the radio on and on every station there was a report about what was happening. I let more sobs escape me as I sat in the car. I felt so helpless. I wanted to run down there and drag Edward out myself. It felt weird not having him here with me now. Things changed so quickly. This morning all I was worried about was what I was going to do today and now, im worried about what im going to do if my husbands dead.

I pulled up to the school and got out the car. Parents were there getting there kids out of school too. I walked through the front doors and made my way to the front office. The lady behind the desk looked panicked and had red rings around her eyes. "How can I help you?" she said with a shaky voice. "I need to get my children." I said. She handed me a clipboard and said "I need you to sign them out. Write there name, grade, date, time and your name." I grabbed the clipboard and began listing names.

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Samuel Cullen

Lillian Cullen

Ashlynn Cullen-Hale

Joshua Cullen

Abigail Cullen

I wrote the date: September 11th 2001. I put down there grades. I put down the time: 9:20. And I put down my name: Isabella Cullen. I handed the clipboard back to the lady behind the desk and she picked up her phone and called the kids out of class. Five minutes later I was loading all the children in the car and making my way home. I turned the radio off, not wanting them to hear what was happening. I could tell the kids didn't hear what was going on because they were in the back playing around. I tried my best not to cry but sometimes I had to.

As we pulled up to the house and the kids got out the car Lilly looked up at me and said "Whats wrong mommy?" I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't want to tell her the truth but I couldn't hide it from her either. "Mommy's fine. Why don't you go play with your cousins." I said leading her into the house. Very reluctantly she ran to her room. I made sure I closed all the doors to the rooms that the kids were in. As I came back into the living room I saw that nothing much had changed. Everyone was still gathered in front of the TV hanging on to its every word.

I sat down with them and became engulfed in what the television was saying. "_It is a horrible site down here. Nothing could have prepared America for what has happened today. The estimated death toll keeps rising. Firefighters are trying to rescue all that they can but they cannot get up to the higher floors. Its blocked by the remains of the planes and raging fires. If we look closer we can see the flames and people are hanging out the windows trying to get fresh air and…oh my God. People are falling or jumping or whatever out of the towers. We can see people falling from the sky. Oh my God. I cant believe what im seeing. This is unbelievable. I cant believe it. Those poor people are trapped on the higher levels. Oh my God there just falling from the sky."_

The anchor man became overwhelmed with tears. I didn't know what to do. It must really be bad down there if people are falling to there deaths. Oh my God what if one of those people is Edward. Would he actually do that? I couldn't breath. I began gasping for air. "Bella. Bella calm down. Its ok." I couldn't keep myself together anymore. I broke. "It is not ok. America is under attack. Thousands of people are dead. One of them could be my husband. People are jumping from the top of a 110 story high building because there's no other way out. I have no idea if my husband is ok. At least yours could be out of the building. It is not ok. DO NOT TELL ME ITS GONNA BE OK."

"Mommy?" "WHAT?" I screamed every single last word at the top of my lungs. I didn't mean to yell at Lilly. I couldn't control myself. She had tears running down her eyes and she looked as if her heart was broken. She ran back to her room and I couldn't even find the strength to run after her. I was so exhausted. I felt my heart break all over again as I pictured my daughters face. I couldn't find the will to even keep standing right now. I sank to my knees and put my head in my hands and my whole body shook of convulsions from sobs.

Esme held me in her arms and whispered in my ear "Shhh Bella. Im here. Im here." her voice broke and I felt tears hit my shoulder. "Rose, Alice, go check on the children. Keep them in the rooms." They did as they were told. It was like my whole body shut down and all I could do was cry. I wanted Esme's arms to be replaced with Edwards. I wanted to wake up next to him and tell him all about this crazy nightmare. My body began to shake harder. Esme held me closer. I couldn't stop the sobs from erupting from my chest. They had been held there all morning and now they were fighting to make themselves free.

"Come on Bella. Your kids need you. Be strong honey. For them." I could hear the pain leaking in her voice and I knew she was right. I had to pull it together and make sure my kids were ok. I pulled my head up and gave Esme a look that said 'I understand. Your right.' She nodded and helped me up. Tears still streaking down my face I made my way down the hall to my daughters room. I opened the door and saw Rose sitting next to Lilly on the bed. Her face was buried in the pillow and her body shook with tears. Rose was rubbing soothing circles in her tiny back. She looked up at me and smiled. She walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead before leaving the room.

I walked over to my daughters bed and touched her back. She squirmed away from my touch and cried harder. "Lilly, baby, im so sorry. Mommy didn't mean to yell at you. She was just very upset." I said watching her. She took her head out the pillow and stared at me. After a moment or two she jumped into my arms and cried harder. "Mommy whats wrong?" she asked through her sobs. I decided that she needed to know. I pulled her away so that she was facing me. She looked up at me with those big brown eyes that are so much like mine and waited for me to talk. "There's been a really bad accident honey. Daddy might be hurt." her eyes went wide and she cried harder.

"What happened?" How was I supposed to tell a four year old that a plane ran into the very building that her father worked at and now he could be…dead? I couldn't answer that question so I just pulled her tighter to me and we both cried. I held her in my arms and within minutes she was asleep. I layed her down under the covers and decided that id talk to Sammy a little later. I walked back into the living room and sat down on the floor in front of the TV. Esme made the kids something to eat and took it to them. We were all just staring at the TV. There was nothing else we could do. We sat there hoping and praying that our husbands would come home to us but nothing could have prepared us for what happened next.

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**9:59: The South Tower of the World Trade Center collapses, 55 minutes 53 seconds after the impact of Flight 175. Its destruction is viewed and heard by a vast television and radio audience. As the roar of the collapse goes silent, tremendous gray-white clouds of pulverized concrete and gypsum rush through the streets. Most observers think a new explosion or impact has produced smoke and debris that now obscures the South Tower. When the wind finally clears the immediate space, it is plain to see that the tower is gone.**

We watched as the tower came down and cries were heard everywhere. Nobody moved. I guess we were to much in shock to do anything. We couldn't comprehend what had just happened. This building that was built to withstand anything crumbled. We saw the white dust cloud claim the streets and watched the people run away from it. We saw firefighters running to safety themselves. As the building crumbled I went empty. Hope left my body. Thousands were gone and there was a good chance that my husband was one of them.

There was nothing but silence in the house as they replayed the falling of the building. "_As you can see the South Tower of the World Trade center has fallen. The tower is gone. Demolished. There's nothing left of it. May God be with us on this devastating day." _The newswomen's voice sounded like she also had given up on any shred of hope. All I could think about was _God please let him be out of there. Please bring the love of my life back to be._

Esme was the one to break the silence. "Please let all three of them be out of that building. Please bring all three of my sons home to me." I turned to see Esme's head in her hands. I got up off my place on the floor and went to comfort her. That's all I could do. Offer comfort. I couldn't tell her that her sons were going to be ok. I couldn't guarantee that they were alive. At this point I didn't even have the strength to hope. Everyone jumped when Rose's phone rang. She hurriedly grabbed it and looked at the caller id. "Isaac." she said aloud as she flipped it open. I looked at Alice confused. "Isaac works at the station with Em and Jazz." she said anxiously.

Rose flipped the phone shut and said "Isaac said that Em and Jazz went inside the North tower to find Edward. He said that Em made him promise to call me when he got the chance." I could see the tears running down her face. Right now we weren't sure what to feel. Were we happy that we knew they were still alive or were we sad because there in the building risking there lives? We were so confused that we really didn't know what to do. We sat there for another half hour or so before my phone rang. I was still in so much shock that I didn't even know it was my phone until Alice picked it up and read the caller id. "Edward?" she whispered.

I jumped up and snatched the phone from Alice. I flipped it open and nearly shouted. "Hello? Edward? Oh my god please tell me your ok." I began to choke on my tears. _"Bella." _he said and the relief and joy that filled my body was unimaginable. There was static but I just needed to hear his voice and hope would be brought back to me. "Oh my god. Edward are you ok? Please tell me your ok." I said letting the tears run freely now. Everyone was crowded around me with disbelief on their faces. I pushed the button and he was on speakerphone. _"Yea im fine. Just some cuts and bruises. Its really hard to breath up here." _I watched Esme's face tear up as she heard her sons voice. Alice let out a sigh of relief and Rose smiled so big it was impossible.

"What floor are you on?" Esme asked. _"Mom?" _Edward asked. "Yes honey its me. Im here with Bella, Rose, and Alice. The kids are here to. Your fathers helping down at the hospital. Im so happy your ok honey, where are you?" she said all in one breath. _"Im one the 105th floor of the North Tower. Its really hard to breath up here. No ones been up here to help us yet. There's some people who need medical attention." _I could hear the tears in his voice. He sounded panicked all of a sudden. "Edward whats wrong?" I asked wanting to make sure he was ok. _"Im fine Bella. Do you know what happened?" _he asked but I could tell something was wrong. "You don't know? A plane ran into the towers." I said. I could hear the disbelief in his voice_. "How in the world did that happen?" _He asked. Rose spoke up and said "It was a terrorist attack." Everything went silent.

After a moment I began to get panicky. I needed more of his voice. "Edward?" I said pressing for him to talk. _"Yea im here." _he said but he sounded far away. "Why didn't you call earlier?" Alice said speaking for the first time. _"I couldn't. My phone got messed up." _he said still far away. "Were just glad your ok." _"What happened to the South Tower?" _he asked. We didn't know what to tell him. Esme spoke up and said "Its gone honey." _"What do you mean its gone?" _he asked panic still in his voice. He was losing it. I could tell. "It collapsed Edward. Another plane ran into it and it just…fell." Alice said. Again silence. I couldn't take the silence. "Edward?" I said impatiently. _"Yea." _"I love you." I said. _"I love you too."_

"Mommy were thirsty." Sammy said coming into the living room. _"Sam?" _Edward said. I could imagine the smile forming on his face. "Daddy?" Sammy said coming up to me. I held the phone down where he could speak into it and he said "Daddy when you coming home?" _"I don't know buddy. Daddy's in a bit of a jam at work rite now."_ I cold tell he was crying now. "Whats wrong Daddy?" Sammy asked. He could tell something was wrong. _"Daddy loves you ok Sam." _Edward said. I was confused by this. Was he saying goodbye? "I love you too daddy." Sammy said worried now. _"Where's Lilly?" _Edward asked. "Ill go get her." Esme said. "Are you ok?" I asked yet again. _"Yea. Im fine." _he said still far away.

"Mommy whats going on?" Lilly asked rubbing her eyes. Esme handed her to me and I held the phone up to her mouth. "Say hi to daddy." Her face lit up and she smiled. "Daddy? Mommy said you got hurt." Lilly said. _"Hi baby girl. Daddy's okay. I love you so much honey." _I could hear him chocking back tears. "I love you too Daddy." Lilly said. It sounded as if he was saying goodbye to us. I put Lilly down on the ground and she ran over to the couch with Sammy. I noticed they were watching the news. I was just about to tell them to go to there room when Edward said something _"I see something falling." _he said. I knew what it was. "Edward, stay away from the windows." I nearly yelled. "Alice get the kids out of here." Esme ordered. She did as she was told.

"_What is it? Theres more than one." _he said intrigued. "Edward stay away from the windows." I yelled. I could hear the shuffling of his feet. "Edward stop. Don't look out the window." I yelled again. _"Oh my God! Its people." _he said. "Edward just get away from the window." Rose said. _"What the hell is going on? Oh my god there jumping aren't they?"_ I couldn't say anything. By now Alice was back and had tears running uncontrollably down her face. "Edward just get back." Esme said desperately. _"There really is no hope is there?"_Edward said. "Edward no. Don't think about that. Just listen to my voice." I said trying to reassure him. _"Im gonna die." _he whispered. "Edward no just focus on my voice. Nothing else." _"I love you with every beat of my heart Bella." _

I was sobbing now. "I love you with every breath I take Edward." I said. _"Tell the kids I will always love them." _"Edward stop it. This is not goodbye." I said angrily. _"I love you mom."_ "Edward stop it." I cried. _"I love you Alice. I love you Rose. Make sure Emmett and Jasper know I love them too. And tell Ashlynn, Abigail, and Joshua that I love them. Make sure Dad knows too."_"Edward stop it. Please." I said desperately. "I love you honey." Esme said. "I love you." Alice and Rose said at the same time. They were saying goodbye. "Ill make sure Carlisle knows too." Esme said between sobs. "If Em and Jazz ever get out the building well make sure they know to." Rose said breaking into sobs herself. I was determined not to say goodbye. _"What are they doing in the building?" _Edward asked, his voice full of worry. "They went down to help." Alice said. "_Oh my god. Ok don't worry. They will get out." _he said as though he was determined to get them out. _"Bella. Im so sorry. I love you so much. Please take care of the kids...and be happy." _he said through sobs. "Edward you are not leaving me. Please you cant leave me." I said between sobs. _"I love you Bella." _I sobbed harder but found the strength to control myself long enough to say"I love you Edward." I said completely breaking down. There was a loud boom, a woman screamed and the line went dead. I turned to the TV and felt my world crash down on top of me as I watched and heard the building fall.

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**10:28: The North Tower of the World Trade Center collapses. Due to the destruction of the gypsum-encased stairwells on the impact floors (most skyscraper stairwells are encased in reinforced concrete), no one who was above the impact zone in the North Tower survives the collapse. The Marriott Hotel, located at the base of the two towers, is also destroyed. The second collapse is also viewed live on television and heard on radio. The North Tower collapses 1 hour 41 minutes 45 seconds after the impact of Flight 11**

All hope that was planted into our bodies left and I felt so empty. My whole body went numb and I could feel the darkness wanting to take me hostage. I wanted to give into it but I fought the urge. How could I tell my children that daddy was gone and never coming back. Esme broke down in sobs and Rose and Alice comforted her. I couldn't figure out how to work my body. I stared at the TV screen and watched repeatedly as the building came down. I felt my insides twist and I suddenly felt like throwing up. My worries quickly changed from _is my husband alive _to _will I get to bury him._

My mind wandered to all the people out there like me. All the people who just watched there loved ones crumble. I stood up and left for my room dropping the phone on the ground. I changed out of my purple halter top and skinny jeans to a white wife beater and some sweatpants and got into my bed. I covered my head up with the covers and sobbed into the pillow. I closed my eyes and then opened them again and again hoping that when I open them again Edward will be there lying on his pillow sleeping peacefully and crying even harder when it didn't work.

I should have pushed harder for him to stay home. I should have stomped my feet and yelled at the top of my lungs to make him stay with me. I took my head out from under the covers and turned the TV on. I was greeted by a newswoman saying that there was a chance that they could pull survivors out the rubble. My heart skipped a beat at this new information. How anyone could have survived was beyond me. I jumped out the bed and ran to the living room. "There's a chance of pulling out survivors. There's still hope." I saw there eyes light up at my words. They weren't paying attention to the news so this was the first they heard of it.

They quickly turned their attention back to the news and Alice whispered "There's still hope." It may have been just a tiny piece but I was sure as hell holding on to it. Anything that suggested that my husband was alive I welcomed openly. I went and sat back in my bed and continued to watch the news. There were paramedics and firefighters digging through the rubble in hopes of finding someone alive.

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**10:43: CNN reports that a mass evacuation of Washington, D.C. and New York has been started. A few minutes later, New York mayor Rudy Giuliani orders an evacuation of Lower Manhattan.**

Rose ran in my room and said "They've ordered a mass evacuation of New York." "Im not leaving anywhere without my husband." I said simply turning my attention back to the television. She came and sat next to me on my bed. She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder. I couldn't cry though. I was determined not to shed a single tear until I found out if my husband was dead or not. The next few hours were hard. They kept searching and finding little or nothing. Most of the bodies they pulled out of the rubble were dead. There were a few alive but they weren't the ones I was looking for. I needed my husband, brother in law and best friend to be ok. They had to be ok.

**_5:00: Efforts to locate survivors in the rubble that had been the twin towers continue. Fleets of ambulances are lined up to transport the injured to nearby hospitals, but they stand empty. 'Ground Zero' is the exclusive domain of New York City's Fire department and Police Department, despite volunteer steel and construction workers who stand ready to move large quantities of debris quickly. Relatives and friends of victims or likely victims, many displaying enlarged photographs of the missing printed on home computer printers, have appeared around New York. The New York Armory at Lexington Avenue and 26th Street and Union Square Park at 14th Street and Broadway become centers of vigil._**

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sooo theres chapter 2...plz let me no wat u thought of it...i wuld realli apreciate it...anyway my computer still has a virus :-( i am still trying 2 work something out so plz hang in there wit me...i will try...remember to review pretti plz lol


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey..i was finally able 2 get tha third chapter dne...im sooo happi...lol...anyway i hpoe u guys n gals lyk it..plz remember 2 reveiw.**

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Chapter 3

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"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa

EPOV

As I made my way out of the house and away from my wife and kids I couldn't help but feel empty inside. I hadn't felt this feeling in so long. Not since my mom and dad died. I shrugged it off thinking that I was just being paranoid and I got in my car and made my way to work. The streets were peaceful. Just normal people out for a walk today. As I drove past those faces I began to get this sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn't process what that meant so I concentrated on the road. The traffic wasn't to bad today compared to all the other days. Considering that I don't live to far from work I got there in no time. I really hope I get that promotion today. Bella's been wanting a new house. She says the one we have is getting to cramped. That's probably do to the fact that we always have company. Alice just cant stay away. Then again its probably do to the fact that we've been talking about having more kids.

I grew up with a big family so I wouldn't mind having more children with Bella. We decided that if I get this promotion we would try after we got a bigger house. My mother Esme offered to build us one but Bella thinks that's going a little to far. She hates accepting gifts from other people and a house was just out of the question. Esme's been trying to warm her up to the idea but with no luck. I walked through the doors and was greeted by several co workers. I walked over to the elevator and pushed the 73rd button. My meeting doesn't start until 8:30 and it was currently 7:25. It was a long ride all the way up but I got used to it after my first year working here.

Once I was finally on my floor I made my way to my office. I sat down in my chair and started shuffling with some papers. One of the pictures on my desk caught my attention. It was the picture of me and Bella on our wedding day. We were in the middle of our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. I had one of my hands on the small of her back and the other cradling her hand to my chest. We were both smiling. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was one of the best days of my life. Just then my cell phone rang bringing me out of my trance. I looked at the caller id and chuckled when I saw that it read 'Emmett'.

"Hello Emmett." I said. "How'd you know it was me?" he asked seriously. "Caller id Em." I said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Oh." He said as though he should have known that all along. There was silence for a minute while Emmett processed this. Sometimes this boy could be really clueless. "You called for something Emmett?" I said pushing him to get to the point. "Well aren't we in a bad mood today." Emmett said. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Sorry Em, its just that, I might get this promotion today and im really anxious." "Well don't take it out on me dude." Emmett said. "Wow, thanks for the support. Your such a loving brother." I said sarcastically.

"Why would I offer my support when its obvious you already got the job. I mean who could say no to you." Emmett had a weird way of cheering people up but it worked most of the time. "No but seriously, good luck man." He said serious now. "Thanks." I said. "What did you call for?" I asked again. "Oh I don't know. I cant remember." I rolled my eyes as there was silence as Emmett tried to remember what he was going to say. I swear Esme dropped him on the head to much when he was a baby. "Oh yea, me and the guys at the station are having our annual family picnic this week. Just wanted to know if you, Bella and the kids wanted to come." He asked me his every year and I always said the same thing. "Yes Em. We will be there." I sighed.

"Good. Oh and Jazz says hi and that you really shouldn't have given Alice that Emergency key." I chuckled. "Tell him I said hi and that he should learn to control his wife." "He says your just as much afraid of her as he is. I gotta go. Talk to you later." I said goodbye to Emmett and put my phone in my pocket. I felt so nervous. I needed this promotion so bad. I _wanted_ this promotion so bad. I tried to calm my nerves by getting a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. On my way there one of my employees that works in the office next to mine offered to come with me. I said I could use the company and he grabbed his coffee mug. "Nervous about that promotion are we?" He asked as we stood in the elevator. "Yea. I just really want it." "You know if you get it your gonna have to move all the way up to the 80th floor." He said looking at me like I was crazy. "Yea I know Jerry." I said chuckling. "Jerry, if your so afraid of heights why do you work in one of the tallest buildings in America?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders and said "I didn't plan on working here. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I needed the cash." I laughed and stepped out the elevator as it came to a stop.

We walked in the cafeteria doors and went straight to the coffee. Jerry got plain black coffee while I mixed mine with sugar and milk. "How can you drink it like that?" I asked him. He looked at me confused and I nodded towards his coffee. He smiled and said "How can _you_ drink it like _that_?" he said laughing pointing to my own coffee. "At least mine has some taste." I said jokingly causing Jerry to laugh while drinking it and made coffee stream from his nose. He began jumping up and down, holding his nose, yelling that it was hot. I would have helped him, but I was to busy laughing. He reached for the napkins and wiped his nose. Once he was finished he looked at me like he was ready to kill me. I shrugged my shoulders and said "It wasn't my fault you laughed. It wasn't even that funny."

"You guys are so childish." said a familiar voice from behind. I turned around to see Hannah, another co worker standing there preparing her own coffee. "I think you've been hanging around your kids to long." She laughed. I laughed with her and said "Hello Hannah." "Hello Edward." she said just before taking a sip of her coffee. "Speaking of children, how's your son?" I asked wanting to be polite and showing her that I was not childish. "He's fine. He just turned one. Gosh time flashes by so fast." she said grabbing a few napkins and wrapping them around the hot coffee mug. "Yea tell me about it. Sam's five and Lillie's four." I said remembering what Lillie told me this morning, about me getting _old_. "Wow, I cant believe its been that long. You and Bella planning on having any more." Hannah asked. "It all depends on this promotion." I sighed. Hannah put a hand on my shoulder and said "Don't worry. Im sure you'll get it."

The three of us made our way back to our offices. Hannah worked on the 75th floor so when we got to my floor we said goodbye and I went back to my office. Once I sat down im my chair I got nervous again and looked at the clock. It was 8: 15. As the hands on the clock ticked by the nervousness began to increase. I started to wonder if it was from something else and not the promotion after all. To occupy myself for the next few minutes I began shuffling with some papers again, not quite sure what I was doing with them. I kept glancing at the clock and although it seemed like forever only a couple minutes went by. The hands on the clock seemed to be moving slower and slower just to annoy me. Finally after what seemed like years it was 8:25.

I gathered up the papers I was just shuffling through and put them back where they were supposed to be. I picked up my suitcase and made my way to the 105th floor. I met Jerry and Hannah in the elevator. The elevator ride, in reality only took a few minutes but in my mind it felt like years. It was totally silent. The only sound that echoed throughout the elevator was the impatient tapping of my foot. Jerry and Hannah both shot annoyed glances at me but I couldn't help it. It was like the nerves to my foot were in control of themselves. "Edward Cullen if you don't hold that foot still, ill cut it off." Hannah said as we reached the 102nd floor. I mumbled a sorry but my foot still tapped. It began to get faster as we began to get nearer. What was with me today? I've never been this nervous before. I had half a mind to stay on the elevator till it reached the ground floors and go home.

When we finally reached the 105th floor I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me something was wrong. I looked around and saw that nothing was out of place so I shoved the thought to the back of my head and stepped out of the elevator. I checked my watch again and it read 8:30. Wow. Only five minutes went by. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion in my head for some reason. We reached the conference room and saw that it was empty. We looked at each other confused and Hannah asked "Where is everybody?" me and Jerry shrugged our shoulders and took seats deciding that we should wait awhile before we decided to leave although every instinct in my body was telling me to leave now. "I wonder where everybody is?" Hannah said coming to sit next to me. "Maybe someone should go look around. You know, see if were in the right room." Hannah said looking at me. "Yea, I totally agree." Jerry said looking at me to. It was clear that they thought I should be the one to do it. "No." I said simply, running a hand through my hair. "Why not?" Jerry said. I looked at him and said "Because if they come in here and im wondering around the building looking stupid they'll take the promotion away." "If you even have it." Hannah said.

"Wow thanks for the encouragement Hannah." I said sarcastically. "Im just playing Edward. You and I both know you have that promotion in the bag." she said. "Don't worry. Ill go. You got your cell on you Edward?" Jerry asked. I nodded my head and he said "Okay. Ill call you if I hear anything." As he left me and Hannah just sat there trying to occupy ourselves. I started to tap my nails on the table and Hannah had taken to spinning around in her chair. "And you call me childish." I said with a smirk. She stopped spinning immediately, only to glare at me. "Im bored okay." she said picking up the pace and spinning faster.

I shook my head and continued to tap my nails on the desk. "Edward Cullen keep those fingers still before I cut them off." Hannah said suddenly. "Gosh what is it with you and cutting people up? I think you need therapy. Is this the way you talk to your son?" I said pretending to be hurt. "My son is one years old and less annoying than you. Besides its only you that I want to cut up." she said beginning to spin in her chair again. I laughed and folded my arms over my chest not wanting to really make her mad. My phone rang just then so I grabbed it out of my pocket and answered it. It was Jerry. "Hello?" I said. "_Hey your not gonna believe this. I went back to my office to get my phone and guess what I found? A memo was faxed saying that the meeting was postponed until tomorrow."_

I closed my eyes and sighed running a hand through my hair yet again. "You sure." I said hoping he would change his answer. "_Yea. I got the paper right here."_He said. "Okay. Thanks." I said flipping my phone shut. "Your not gonna believe this. The meetings been postponed." I told Hannah. "That's just great." she said through her teeth. She got up from the chair and began walking towards the door but stopped suddenly when there was a earsplitting boom and the building started to shake. Hannah screamed and fell to the floor. I couldn't stand upright either. I fell to my knees and tried to crawl over to Hannah to make sure she was ok.

She had covered her ears to drown out the noise. Screams erupted from everywhere and there were more booms from below us. They sounded like explosions. I grabbed Hannah and held her to me trying to make sure she was okay. There was another explosion and everything went dark. The lights went out. I squeezed Hannah more tightly just to make sure she stayed where she was. With one last deafening boom the explosions stopped. Hannah took her hands away from her ears and pulled away from my chest. "What the hell just happened?" She screamed. I was afraid to get off the floor. When I finally found out how to move again I picked myself up off the floor and dragged Hannah with me. She was so scared she was shaking and tears were running down her cheeks. She grabbed a hold of my hand and squeezed really hard. I could feel her nails digging into my skin.

The only light in the room was the light from the window. I squinted my eyes trying to see clearly through the darkness. The room was a mess. Pictures fell off the walls. There was white dust floating through the air making me choke. I needed to know what the hell was going on. "Stay right here Hannah." I said turning towards the door. I felt her shaky hands grab a hold of my shirt and she said "No. Don't leave me." She begged. I put my hands on her shoulders and said "Im just gonna go see whats going on. Stay right here. I don't want you getting hurt. Ill be right back. I promise." She loosened her grip on me and I turned and walked out the door. The hall was empty and trashed. I saw someone poking there head out of there office and I yelled to him. "Hey." He turned his head at the sound of my voice and stepped out of his office and jogged to me.

He had blood running down the side of his head and he was coughing like a smoker. "Do you know what the hell is happening?" I asked as I reached him. He shook his head no and said "We think there's been an explosion." The blood was running from his head faster. "You got a first aid kit?" I asked. Im not a doctor but growing up with one teaches you things. He looked at me confused. "I might be able to stop the bleeding." I said pointing to his head. He nodded and said "There's one in the janitor closet down the hall but don't worry about me. You wanna help some one, help Jinny. I think she broke her leg." He pointed towards his office where a middle-aged women was sitting on the floor holding her leg in her hand. I kneeled down beside her and told the man to go get the first aid kit.

He left and I said to the women "Jinny is it?" She nodded her head and groaned in pain. "Okay Jinny. I need to see your leg. Im not a doctor and there's not much I can do for it but I still need to examine it just to make sure its broken." She looked up at me and said "Trust me. Its broken." she moved her hand and I heard myself gasp in horror. The bones were broken all right. They were sticking right out of her body. Right above her knee was full of blood and you could clearly make out the two white pieces as bones. They stuck out at odd angles and you could tell where they snapped.

The guy came back in with the first aid kit and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of her leg. I grabbed the kit from him and started searching through it. I grabbed some alcohol and some bandages. "Im gonna have to clean the wound out first okay Jinny." She nodded her head. "Then im gonna have to use my hands to push the bones back in place before they set like that." Her eyes widened in terror and she shook her head no. "Jinny, I have to. If I don't the bones will set wrong and you will have to get it cut off." I said trying to convince her just to let me do what I needed. She hesitated but nodded her head okay. I poured alcohol into the wound and all over my hands so I could minimize the risk of infection.

I took off the jacket to my suit and rolled up the sleeves to my shirt. I rolled my jacket up and told Jinny to open her mouth so that she could bite down on the jacket rather than her tongue. She obeyed. I poured more alcohol on my hands and took a deep breath. I lowered my hands down to her leg and began putting pressure on the bones. She began to scream immediately but it was muffled by my jacket. I kept going before she could change her mind. I pushed the bones back in place carefully. I grabbed the alcohol and poured it onto her leg again. I grabbed the bandages and wrapped them around her leg as tightly as I could to stop the bleeding.

"What do we do now?" the man asked. I looked up to him and said "We wait and try to control the bleeding. This room is too small for all of us. I want to move her down the hall to the conference room." I said remembering Hannah who was probably scared beyond words right now. "You think it'll be safe?" he said. "As long as were careful. It should be. Grab the first aid kit and ill get her." I said. He did as I said and I grabbed Jinny up into my arms. Carefully we made our way back to the conference room. As the guy opened the door for me and Hannah laid her eyes on the women in my hands, her face showed even more fear than before.

I set Jinny down on top of the table carefully so that I wouldn't cause anymore damage to her leg. "What happened?" Hannah said running up to me. "She broke her leg." I said. "I cant believe any of this. What the hell is happening?" Hannah said with tears running down her face. There was another loud boom but not as loud as the first one and it didn't sound as though it came from inside the building. Hannah ran to the window and put her hand over her mouth and gasped. I followed her and was just as shocked by what I saw. There was smoke wrapped around the south tower. Whether it was coming from there or not I couldn't tell. We looked out the window in horror and every thought imaginable ran through our heads. But the most frequent one that kept popping in our heads was 'Whats going on?' We were clueless. And terrified.

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**Finally got Edwards POV in there....i hope u guys lyk it...im tryin my best 2 get chapters up n on here but unfortunatly my computer still has a virus :( plz b patient with me...im working on it.....remember to reveiw...thanx a bunch..lol**

**-Tink-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everybody...i am so sorry for tha long wait but everything seemed to happen at once. we moved, their was a family crisis, the virus made me lose all tha chapters i wrote so i had to rewrite them, teachers were being cruel with homework....anyway im very sorry...hope u lyk this chapter.**

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Chapter 4

"_When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."~ Jimi Hendrix_

EPOV

Blood was still gushing out of Jinny's leg. She became pale and her eyes were drooping. It was hard to watch. She was dieing of blood loss and there was nothing I could do about it. It was still dark and we still didn't know what was going on. The guy, who I learned was named John, was pacing the floor. Hannah was standing at the window trying to see if she could figure out what was going on. I was sitting at the table with Jinny hoping and praying that I could do something more for her. She held onto my hand and I could feel her grip loosening by the minute.

"I wish we had a way to get in contact with someone. I need to know whats going on." Hannah sighed. Oh my gosh. How could I have been so stupid. I had my phone in my pocket all along. I hurriedly reached into my pocket, cursing myself for not thinking, and grabbed my phone out. For that split second I had hope. I believed that someone would be able to tell us whats going on and how to get out. I flipped it open and saw that I had no service and the screen was flashing off and on. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "What is it?" Hannah asked. "No service." I said bitterly. "You have got to be kidding me. You had your phone all this time?" Hannah nearly shouted at me. "Hey I forgot. Its not my fault. It doesn't even work." I said defending myself. She huffed and turned away from me. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the window.

The scene hadn't changed much. There was still smoke everywhere, clouding my vision so that I couldn't see anything else. I wanted so bad to talk to Bella and the kids. I needed to hear there voices and I knew that Bella was going crazy right now. She needed me as much as I needed her. I wanted to be able to hold her in my arms and kiss her beautiful lips. I wanted to be able to hug my kids and never let them go. I wish I would have stayed home today. Like Bella wanted me to. I should have listened. Next time ill listen. If there is a next time. I looked at my watch. It was 8:55. Its only been ten minutes but it feels so much longer.

Jinny was losing blood fast. As I glanced at her I could see that she was becoming a ghostly pale white. I walked back over and sat down next to her and held her hand in mine. If she was going to die, I didn't want her to be alone. She didn't even make the effort to squeeze my hand. If I couldn't see the up and down movements of her chest, I would have thought she was already dead. My heart began to race as I realized just how much danger we were in. We could die up here, and we don't even know whats going on. I looked at my phone again and sighed as I saw that I still had no signal. I put my head in my free hand and let one single tear fall.

Hannah got up and walked back over to the window to see if she could see anything. There was still smoke in the way. I jumped about twenty feet in the air when there was a loud crash and more smoke filled the air. I let go of Jinny's hand and ran to the window. It was even harder to see now. There was smoke everywhere. "What just happened?" I yelled to Hannah. "I don't know." she yelled back. "I was just standing here, looking to see if I could see anything." she said squinting her eyes to see if she could see anything. All that surrounded us was smoke.

John coughed and said "Its getting hard to breath up here." I realized he was right when my chest became tight and ached with every breath I took. "Take your jacket off." I told him. He looked at me like I was crazy. 'Take it off and put it over your mouth. It will make the breathing easier." he understood and did what I said. I took mine off and put it over Jinny's mouth. The least I could do was make it easier for her. Hannah coughed and John said "Oh, im sorry. Here take this." he handed her his jacket. "No. That's ok. Im fine." "Hannah. Take it." he demanded. She looked at him and hesitated before she grabbed it and put it over her mouth.

As I held the jacket to Jinny's face, Hannah and John began to pace the room again and constantly glace out the windows. Jinny's chest began to move slower and her breathing became shallow. She didn't have much time left. "Im sorry Jinny. Im so sorry." she pulled her eyes open and motioned for me to take the jacket off her face. Her voice came out dry and cracked as she said "What are you sorry for?" each word took a separate breath as she gasped after every word. "That I couldn't save you." I sighed. "Its not your fault." she said, a single tear running down her cheek. I squeezed her hand tighter, reassuring her that I wasn't going anywhere.

I put the jacket back over her mouth but she turned away. "My sons birthday is tomorrow. I told him I was working late today but I was really going to get him a car. Hes turning sixteen." I tried to put the jacket back over her but again she turned away. "Do you have kids?" she said choking on the air. I nodded and said "Two. Sam's five and Lilly's four." she smiled and tried to say something but chocked instead. When she could breath again she said "Do you want anymore?" "Yea. Me and my wife talked about it. I was supposed to get a promotion today, then we would work on getting a bigger house, then have more children." I sighed choking on the intake of air.

"You might as well use that jacket for you. We both know im not gonna make it." she began to cry. I squeezed her hand tighter and put the jacket over her mouth. This time she didn't protest. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to reassure her that she was going to be ok. Jinny's eyes kept opening and closing and I could tell that she was close to death. Hannah made her way to the table and grabbed Jinny's other hand. John stood over her, brushing her hair back and whispering encouraging words in her ear. I looked at Hannah and noticed that she too was crying. We still didn't have answers. We had no idea what was going on.

"I cant take it anymore. Why don't we just walk down the stairway and see whats going on?" John said choking. I rolled my eyes and said "Think about it John, if the explosion was under us why would we walk towards it?" "Well im not just gonna sit here and wait. I gotta do something." he said pacing back and forth. "Like what?" I said knowing he wouldn't have a decent answer. "Maybe its not that bad of an explosion. Maybe it was just some pipes acting up or something." "Then how would you explain the smoke and the fire. An explosion from pipes would not cause the whole building to shake like an earthquake hit. There's nothing we can do but wait for help." I said once again choking on the air.

"Think about it Edward, if we cant get down, how the hell are they gonna get up?" he nearly screamed. I hate to admit it but he had a really good point there. "They have stuff to put on the fire and other things like that." Hannah stuttered when I didn't say anything. "Well they sure as hell better hurry up. Its getting hotter and harder to breath up here." "You don't think we notice." I said angry at his ranting. "Whats that supposed to mean?" "Hey, we are not about to fight right now. We need each other more than we ever have right now. Pull yourselves together and get over it." Hannah said before I had a chance to argue back with John.

Me and John both shut up but that didn't stop him form pacing the floor. There was nothing but silence in the room until there was another loud boom that seemed to last forever. It sounded like something was falling apart. There were several loud booms after that, like there was another explosion. We all stood silently still as we heard the loud booms and felt the vibration under our feet. Once the noise was over the silence it left behind made it obvious that something was really wrong. Hannah stop up and went back to the window groaning when she realized she still couldn't see what was going on.

She plopped back down in her chair and put her head in her hands. I wanted to reach over and comfort her but decided that Jinny needed me more. I watched as Jinny slipped in and out of conscience. Her eyes opened and closed constantly. My heart fluttered every time they closed to long. Before long I to had my head in my free hand. The feeling of frustration and helplessness was overflowing my body. I felt like I would explode from all the emotions feeling my body. I was so engulfed in my thoughts that I nearly jumped when Hannah spoke. "Try your phone again." I looked at her like she was crazy but the look of hope in her eyes made me decide to not voice my thoughts out loud.

Reluctantly I reached my hand in my pocket and grabbed my phone knowing that it wouldn't work. I could have screamed with joy when I realized I had signal. I felt disappointed when I realized I only had one bar though. I would have to hurry. Instead of taking the time to dial a number, I just pressed the talk button knowing that it would call the last person who called me_. "Hi…you've reached Jerry. I cant come to the phone right now but leave a message and ill get back to you."_ I groaned and pushed the end button. Hannah and John were standing next to me now towering over me.

I dialed the three numbers quickly and a lady answered on the first ring. _"911 what's your emergency?" _her voice sounded panicked. "My name is Edward Cullen. I work in the north tower of the world trade centers. Can you please tell me what's going on." I said, panic rising in my body, knowing the answer wouldn't be good. She hesitated before she said _"The only information im allowed to give you is that help is on the way. Please stay calm." _"So your not going to tell me what's going on." I said anger filling my body now. _"I cant."_ she whispered into the phone.

I hung up before she could say anything else. John and Hannah looked at me like I was stupid. "She wasn't giving any information and we don't have time to play the guessing game." I said shooting a quick glance at Jinny. They followed my glance and understood what I meant. "Do you know someone who might know what's going on?" Hannah said. With a burst of enthusiasm I said "Yes" and dialed Emmett's number. He picked up on the fifth ring and said _"Eddie?" _I groaned and said "Em." he knew I didn't like to be called that.

"_Edward, I cant hear you." _he shouted through the phone. "Em, what's going on?" I shouted back. _"What?" _Em said but before I could repeat myself Em shouted again. _"Look Eddie, I cant hear you. Im outside helping people right now but there's a unit on their way up to you right now. I might join them but the people out here really need some help. Just hang in there Eddie."_ he said before hanging up. "What did he say?" John asked. I shrugged my shoulders and said "Nothing really. He couldn't hear me. He did say that there were some people on their way up here now." I saw Johns and Hannah's bodies relax just a little. I couldn't relax mine. We still didn't know what was going on and Jinny was still dieing.

I was just about to call Jasper when I realized I lost signal again. I groaned and had to work hard not to throw the phone out the window. John returned to pacing and Hannah sat back down with Johns jacket over her face. We sat in silence as we all thought. It wasn't an awkward silence but it wasn't one that I wanted to get used to either. I coughed and my hand flew to my chest. It hurt so bad. I tried to take a deep breath to sooth the pain but all it caused was another cough. The smoke was getting worse. Which either meant that the smoke was just carrying up to us or the fire was spreading up to us. My heart clenched as I thought of that possibility.

What if I died? How would that effect Bella? The kids? My heart clenched twice as hard when I thought of them. I couldn't leave them. But them again I knew I had no control over that. Would I fight my hardest? Of course. I would do everything I could to stay with them but in the end it wont be my choice. I was overwhelmed by the thoughts I was having. I tried all day to keep these thoughts away and now here they came so freely. I shook my head at the mental picture of Bella standing over a grave.

I was trying so hard to keep the thoughts away but one by one they kept flooding my brain. Bella at a grave. Bella broken into pieces. Lilly's cries when realized daddy wasn't there to help her get the monsters out of her closet. Sam's hurt face as uncle Em or Jazz had to be the ones to take him to his first baseball game. My family all in black standing over a single box. I let one single tear run down my eye as I realized it was a good chance that I wasn't getting out of her alive. My heart tore at itself when I thought of what that would do to Bella. I just wanted to talk to her right now. I needed to hear he voice say she loved me one last time.

Taking a huge chance I grabbed my phone and dialed Bella's number, not even looking to see if I had a signal. Her beautiful voice answered _"Hello? Edward? Oh my god please tell me your ok." _Her voice sent shivers down my spine and made me want to grab her in my arms. "Bella" I said just loving the way it felt in my mouth. _"Oh my god. Edward are you ok? Please tell me your ok." _I could tell that she was crying now. I could hear the tears in her voice. "Yea im fine. Just some cuts and bruises. Its really hard to breath up here." I said not knowing how much I should tell her.

I didn't want to scare her. The image of her standing over a grave crept back into my head. _"What floor are you on?" _"Mom?" I asked in disbelief. It was so good to hear her voice. _"Yes honey its me. Im here with Bella, Rose, and Alice. The kids are here to. Your fathers helping down at the hospital. Im so happy your ok honey, where are you?" _The words came rushed and mashed together. _"_Im one the 105th floor of the North Tower. Its really hard to breath up here. No ones been up here to help us yet. There's some people who need medical attention." I said glancing at Jinny. The tears came freely then. I couldn't stop them. I tried to keep calm so Bella wouldn't notice anything. But of course…she did. _"Edward whats wrong?" _"Im fine Bella. Do you know what happened?" I said wanting to change the topic and get information at the same time. _"You don't know? A plane ran into the towers." _My heart dropped as my brain absorbed this new information.

Finally able to find my voice I said "How in the world did that happen?" _"It was a terrorist attack." _It was silent after that. Partly because of hearing Roses voice and partly because I needed to comprehend what she was saying. _"Edward?" _Bella pressed. "Yea im here." I responded automatically. _"Why didn't you call earlier?" _My heart fluttered at the sound of Alice's voice and I had to fight back another round of tears. "I couldn't. My phone got messed up." I said. _"Were just glad your ok_." Remembering my need for information I asked "What happened to the South Tower?" They hesitated before my mom said _"Its gone honey." _"What do you mean its gone?" I said looking to John and Hannah who were hanging on to my every word. _"It collapsed Edward. Another plane ran into it and it just…fell." _Ity was to much for me to understand. I sat silently trying to wrap my head aroud it.

"_Edward?" _Bella said impatiently. "Yea." I said robotically. _"I love you."_Her voice came light and feathery and it made me look past what was happing. Just for a second. "I love you too." I said. _"Mommy were thirsty." _Came Sams voice from the other end. A new streak of tears made their way down my face. _"Daddy?" _He said. _"Daddy when you coming home?" _he asked. "I don't know buddy. Daddy's in a bit of a jam at work rite now." I said. _"Whats wrong daddy?" _He asked. I couldn't answer him so instead I just said "Daddy loves you ok Sam." _"I love you too daddy."_ If I was gonna die today, I needed them all to know I loved them. "Wheres Lilly?" I heard my mom go get her and reassured Bella I was okay.

"_Daddy? Mommy said you got hurt." _I heard her small voice say with too much worry. "Hi baby girl. Daddy's okay. I love you so much honey." I said trying to fight the tears from coming. _"I love you too daddy." _I put my head in my hands and let the tears fall. as I tried to shake the tears away something caught my eye from the window. "I see something falling." I said aloud thinking it was just a piece of debris. _"Edward, stay away from the windows."_Bella nearly shouted. Something in her tone made me want to see what it was. As I stared at the window, another one fell. I looked at Hannah and she was just as confused as I was. "What is it? Theres more than one." _"Edward stay away from the windows." _She begged.

Her voice just pushed me more. I carefully let go of Jinny's hand and walked to the window. _"Edward stop. don't look out the window." _she said. But it was too late. Just as I reached the window something else fell. A person. Panic and fear rose inside me. "Oh my God! Its people." Hannah and John ran to the window behind me. _"Edward just get away from the window."_ Rose begged. "What the hell is going on? Oh my god there jumping aren't they?" I said shocked at the idea. _"Edward just get back."_ my mother cried to me. I didn't hear her. I couldn't hear her. My mind was racing. "There really is no hope is there?" _"Edward no. Don't think about that. Just listen to my voice."_Bella said. "Im gonna die." I whispered, shocked as I heard the truth of the words. _"Edward no just focus on my voice. Nothing else." _Bella tried to reason with me but I knew there was no way id survive. " I love you with every beat of my heart Bella." I said.

She sobbed as she said _" I love you with every breath I take Edward." _"Tell the kids I will always love them." I said. _"Edward stop it. This is not goodbye." _Bella said angrily. "I love you mom." I said. _"Edward stop it." _Bella cried. "I love you Alice. I love you Rose. Make sure Emmett and Jasper know I love them too. And tell Ashlynn, Abigail, and Joshua that I love them. Make sure Dad knows too_." "Edward stop it. Please." "I love you honey." _Esme said. _"I love you." _Alice and Rose said at the same time. _"Ill make sure Carlisle knows too." _Esme said between sobs. _"If Em and Jazz ever get out the building well make sure they know to." _Rose said.

"What are they doing in the building?" I asked panicky. Last time I talked to Em he was outside. _"They went down to help." _Alice said. "Oh my god. Ok don't worry. They will get out." I said more to than to them. "Bella. Im so sorry. I love you so much. Please take care of the kids...and be happy." I said, wanting and needing her to know I love her. _"Edward you are not leaving me. Please you cant leave me." _Her voice broke my heart. It was full of pain and hurt. "I love you Bella." I said one last time. _"I love you Edward." _Bella cried. There was a deafening boom that seemed to come from beneath us that shook the building only it didn't stop shaking. Fear ran through my body as I realized the building was falling. Hannah screamed and I grabbed onto her throwing my phone.

John grabbed Jinny's motionless body and shielded it. I dragged Hannah under the table with me just as I was going to tell John to bring Jinny, it happened. Their was a sinking feeling in my stomach as we fell with the building. I tried to hold on to Hannah as hard as I could but I slammed into something hard that flung her from my arms. I tried to reach for her but it was to late. I couldn't see her. I closed my eyes as I fell, not wanting to see anything. I prayed instead. I asked God to take care of my family. I begged him to help them through this. As my body smashed into something hard and pain shot through me. I closed my eyes and whispered "Goodbye" hoping the wind would carry it to my family.

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**so there it is everyone. hoped u liked it. im still contemplating on weather or not Edwards gonna die....i jus cant decide....anyway plz leave reviews... i love 2 hear wat u think.**

**Much love **

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	5. Chapter 5

**hey everybody.......i finally got this chapter dne.......hopefulli u guyz enjoy this one....**

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Chapter 5

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God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown

Eventually Rose fell asleep next to me. I stroked her long beautiful hair absentmindedly. After awhile Esme stopped coming in to check on me. Weather or not it was because I hadn't moved from this spot or because she needed time alone im not sure. She just stopped coming. I could hear the kids in the next room and smiled when I thought of the fact that im gonna have to clean that mess up tomorrow. Its so weird that even with everything going on, life has to pick back up somewhere. Even though were all holding our breath and begging the clock not to tick, time does catch up to us.

I stayed in that spot clutching the remote control. I constantly changed channels to see if any survivors were found. Some where found. Just not the ones I was looking for. There were so many people missing. We still didn't know if Em and Jazz were in fact inside the building when it…fell. Isaac called again to give Rose more details after the buildings were gone. He said that Em and Jazz were running in and out of the buildings trying to help people and that when he called Rose the first time it had been a half hour before when Em told him to call her. He said he would have done it then and their but he too was tending to the needy outside the building. He said that after Em gave him the command he hadn't heard from him.

He tried to reassure Rose that he was ok but I could see in her eyes that she didn't believe him. She had a habit of giving up too soon. She wasn't really open about things. She always had to have them the way she needed them. I learned to live with it in kindergarten. We've been friends for that long. We never left each other. No matter how annoying we got or how stupid we were acting. I guess I was one of the few things she never gave up on. Along with her husband and her family. I never understood why she was so persistent to hang on to us.

"I know Carlisle. Im just so scared. How could this have happened? How could I loose all three of my sons in one day?" I could hear Esme outside my door. Carlisle was still at the hospital helping out but called whenever he could. "No Alice is asleep. So is Rose. I don't know about Bella. She's a mess Carlisle. You should have been here when he called. I don't know what to do anymore Carlisle. Im losing my mind. I don't think I can play it cool anymore." Esme's voice gave it away that she had been crying. "Of course sweetheart. Call me whenever you get the chance. And if you get any new information. I love you so much." She hung up the phone and I turned my attention back to the TV. I wasn't quite watching it though. Esme's conversation was still fresh in my head.

After a few moments the door opened. Esme peeked her head in and smiled when she saw that I was awake but the smile didn't reach her ears. It was merely a grimace. Like she was trying to hard to place it there. I motioned for her to come in and she did. She sat next to me on the bed and stroked my hair like I had just been doing with Rose. As she looked over me her eyes welled with tears. I just looked away. I couldn't do anything that would guarantee her a happy life so I looked away not wanting to see her tears.

"I remember the day we brought Edward home. He was just a little boy. He was so shy and scared. It took him four years to start calling me mom. I guess he was comfortable then. I remember how he used to shy away from me whenever he scrapped his knee. He'd tell me that he wanted his real mommy to make it better. I didn't stop though. Every time he hurt himself I was right there. And every time he would turn away from me. Until one day. He fell outside and scrapped his knee pretty bad. He flinched when I touched him but he didn't pull away. He let me clean it up and put a band aid on it. And to my surprise he hugged me and said 'Thanks mommy. I love you.' That's one of the best memories I have with him. That's the one im holding on to tonight."

I didn't really know where this conversation was going. Esme wasn't making herself quite clear. "I guess what im trying to say is, that's the hope im holding on to. That's the one giving me courage to keep standing. Its making me believe that he's going to come back to me. It may take time, just like it took time all those years ago but just like then, he's going to be in my arms in the end." Somehow this conversation was making more sense than I thought it would. It was simply Esme needing someone to talk to. And I was here to listen. She went on and on about her time with her boys. She even had a few good memories of Jazz who wasn't really her son but close to it. She talked about the time she first held Emmett to the time she signed the adoption papers for Edward. She even remembered the first time she meet Jasper. I could tell what she was doing. She was venting. Some may do that with anger and yelling but Esme was never one for violence. Instead she expressed herself with love. That's what she was doing now. She was pouring her heart and soul to me.

I let her do it. I didn't interrupt her or complain. I listened. Something she really needed since all the men in her life were absent right now. I think if Carlisle was here she would be talking to him right now but since he wasn't I would have to fill in for a little while. It was amazing how good of a mother she was. She was the kind of mother everyone wished for. After awhile she went to check on the kids and went back to sit with Alice who was awake and watching the news now. Rose was still asleep next to me. I remember the first time I met her. We were so young, in kindergarten. We both went to school in Arizona. She was the new girl but had no problem talking to people. We were out for recess and I was swinging alone.

Next thing I know Danny Marley comes up and starts messing with me. He called me names and pushed me off the swing. Rose saw what he was doing and came to my defense. It was hilarious the way Danny nearly ran for his life after Rose punched him in the face. She helped me up and put me back on the swing and helped me push. Since then we've been best friends. It was just me her and Jasper before the Cullen's came along. They had moved to Arizona from Forks where my father was currently living. They seemed to know him and got along great with my mom and her husband Phil. At first we weren't so happy with the fact that our parents were pushing us together and we were a little scared of Emmett but after him and Rose started going out we were forced to get along.

That seemed like so long ago. It seemed like a different life. Back then I still wore pigtails and thought boys had cooties and now im married with two great children and a wonderful husband. If you told me that this was the life I was going to live I would have laughed in your face. I would have told you to stop taking whatever drugs your taking and come back down to reality. This was the only life I knew how to live now. Id been doing it for so long that this was the only place I felt that I belonged. And know its all being torn away from me. The man that vowed to be with me until were wrinkling and old wasn't holding up his end of the promise. I knew it wasn't his fault but it felt so much better to have someone to blame.

Somewhere in between me failing to convince myself that I hated Edward I fell asleep. I dreamt of him the whole time. The way he would hold me. The way he would kiss me. I dreamt of him telling me he loved me over and over again. I saw his beautiful crooked smile and his beautiful green eyes. I saw him playing with Lillie and Sammy. I heard his laugh. To some this would be considered a good dream but for me it was a nightmare because I knew that when I awoke it would only hurt so much more when I realize that he's not the one next to me and that I cant reach up and run my hands through his hair and beg him yet again to stay home with me.

When I woke up I felt someone stroking my hair. I looked up to see my mom smiling down at me with tears in her eyes. I sat up and searched the room but no one was there. I felt my heart break for the thousandth time. "When did you get here?" I asked. "Not to long ago. I didn't want to wake you." She said. "What time is it?" I asked. "Going on eight." she said checking her watch. I threw the cover off me and stood up. I felt wobbly and I had the biggest headache in the world. "You look pale hon. Maybe you should lay back down." My mom said. I shook my head and reached for the aspirin that was on my bedside table. I popped two into my mouth and swallowed without water. "Where are the kids?" I asked. She gave me a concerned look as though she thought I was going to fall over any second. "They've gone to sleep." She said. "Where's everybody else?" I asked making my way out of the room.

"There all in the living room." she said grabbing a hold of my elbow to make sure that I didn't fall over. She led me to the living room and helped me sit down on the couch. "Any news?" I said as I sat down. No one answered. "Guess that's a no." I whispered to myself. Esme put a hand on my back and gave me a weak smile. I tried to give one in return but I couldn't will myself to do it. "Your burning up Bella." Esme said putting a hand to my forehead. "Im fine." I said trying to turn away from her touch without hurting her. "You should take something." Esme said. "Im fine." I said again. Truthfully I felt awful. I felt like I was going to throw up any second.

Silence followed. Everybody was still watching the news. I wasn't really paying attention to it though. I was thinking about my dream and how everything was perfect in it. "Mommy." Came a small voice from the hall. We all looked up and saw Abigail standing there. Rose got up and went to her daughter. She knelled down so she could look her daughter in the face. "What is it sweetheart? Whats wrong?" she said. "When's daddy coming home. He said he'd read Cinderella to me. He promised." Rose didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. From the light of the lamp on her face I saw tears run down her face. She grabbed Abigail into a tight hug and said "Abby, mommy doesn't know when daddy's coming home." "Mommy whats wrong? Lillie said something bad happened." Abby said in her small baby voice. Rose was again speechless. "Is daddy ok?" Abby asked. Roses body started to shake from the sobs and she chocked out "I don't know baby."

There were small tears coming from Abby's face now. Alice stood up and said "Come on Abby, ill read Cinderella to you." Abby looked like she didn't want to go but she took Alice's hand anyways and allowed her to lead her back to Lillie's room. As soon as Abby was out of view Esme grabbed Rose in her arms and Rose sobbed. Feeling that I had to help anyway I could, I walked over and rubbed soothing circles in her back. I knew how hard it was t tell a child that you didn't know if daddy was ok or not. Her heart was breaking every much as mine was. I knew just how sad and helpless and empty she felt. Esme stroked her hair and continued to rub circles in her back. She buried her head in Esme's chest and sobbed. The way she sobbed was heartbreaking. All I wanted to do was cry with her. Esme finally got Rose to get up and lead her to my room.

Even after Rose was in the room I stayed on the floor. It was one of those times that your so deep in thought that you don't even want to move for fear of losing concentration. Right then it hit me. I wasn't the only one hurting. I wasn't the only one scared half out my mind for losing a husband. I wasn't the only one that had to explain to her kids that she wasn't sure if daddy would ever come home again. I looked around at my family and saw that everyone was in tears. They all looked like they haven't slept in years. We were falling apart. I could feel that at any moment someone would break and take that anger out on a family member. There was so much tension in the room. Finding out how to work my muscles again I stood up.

I walked to Sammy's room. I quietly opened the door and poked my head in. Sammy and Josh were sound asleep. I opened the door further and walked in. I stood at the side of the bed and looked down on them. They were so carefree. Id give anything to be like them right now. I reached my hand down and rested it on top of Sammy's head. I bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead and whispered 'I love you' then proceeded to do the same with Josh. They both stirred under my touch but didn't wake. I slowly and quietly walked out the room, closing the door behind me. I got to Lillie's room and stopped. I peeked my head in just like before and saw that all three of the girls were up and listening to Alice reading Cinderella.

"Auntie Alice, is daddy gonna be ok?" Abby asked, interrupting Alice. She looked down and said "Honestly Abby, I don't know." Ashlynn looked at her mom and says "Whats wrong with uncle Emmett?" I could tell Alice was getting uncomfortable. Alice took a deep breath and said "Ash something really bad happened today. Uncle Emmett, Uncle Edward and daddy might have been hurt." Ash's big blue eyes widened and filled with tears as she buried her head in her moms chest. I opened the door wider and stepped in causing a now crying Alice to look up at me.

I went over and sat on the bed with her. I rubbed her back and tried to soothe her. Me and Alice climbed under the covers in the bed with the girls, taking turns reading Cinderella to them. They ended up falling asleep around nine thirty. Me and Alice didn't move for two reasons. The first one being because we had three little girls sleeping cuddled up to us and secondly because it felt nice to hold our daughters in our arms and know that there ok and that if we were to fall asleep they would still be in our arms when we woke. Im so happy I didn't give in and let Sammy and Lillie go to work with Edward today. Edward. My heart broke all over again. For about the thousandth time tonight. I didn't cry though. I had made good on my promise to myself that I would not shed another tear until I had to.

We sat in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was a comfortable silence. Like we were enjoying the time with our daughters. We still didn't have any news of our husbands. The wait was becoming nerve wrecking. It had been hours since the towers fell and we still didn't have any news. They were pulling survivors out all day but none of them seemed to be the faces I was looking for. The atmosphere started to change. It was filled with tension. We were all at our breaking points and the nausea wasn't helping any. I seriously felt like I had to throw up. I rested my head back on the headboard of Lillie's bed, hoping that if I relaxed a little the nausea would go away. It worked for a little while but then I got a headache.

"You okay honey?" my mom said, coming into the room. I sighed and said "Honestly mom, I don't know." She walked over and sat at the edge of the bed. "What about you Alice? Are you okay?" "Thanks for asking Renee but I cant answer that until I know my husbands ok." Alice said placing a kiss on Ash's forehead. "How's Rose doing?" I asked. My mom tore her eyes away from me and looked at the floor. "Mom?" I said becoming panicked. "She's not doing to good." "What do you mean she's not doing to good? Did she hear something?" I said all in one breath.

"No, no. She didn't hear anything. That's pretty much the reason she's a mess. I still cant believe any of this is happening. Its like were stuck in a nightmare that keeps going." My mom said turning her attention back to me. I knew exactly what my mom was talking about. This was a nightmare that would keep haunting me for the rest of my life. "Maybe you should go eat something. You look pale." My mom said to me. To tell you the truth I was starving. It just hit me that I hadn't eaten all day. I looked down at Lillie, afraid to let her go. My mom saw my hesitation and said "Don't worry honey. She'll be here when you get back." "Yea Bella don't worry. Ill take care of her." Alice said encouraging me to go. Reluctantly I nodded my head and lifted Lillie off me.

She stayed sound asleep as I made my way out the door. I walked in the living room and saw the scene didn't change much. Phil was sitting in the armchair by the TV, and my dad was pacing the floor. Esme was sitting on the couch with Roses head in her lap. The look that Rose had on her face was scary. It looked hopeless. I turned my face away and fought back the tears that were coming. I managed to get control of myself and finished my short walk to the kitchen. Absentmindedly I began to search the refrigerator for something to eat.

I ended up sitting at the table with leftover pot roast from yesterday. I didn't realize I was so hungry until the food was right in front of my face. I finished it all in a daze. I saw my phone sitting on the table and grabbed it. My hands were shaky but I flipped it open anyway. There were 20 missed calls and 35 messages from friends and family. I flipped it closed and clutched the phone tightly in my hand. As I made my way into the living room I saw that everyone else had done the same. I guess we all were just hoping for a call.

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**hey guyz thanx 4 readin....plz reveiw....i wuld luv 2 hear ur thoughts.....thanx**

**Much Luv**

**-Tink-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guyz n gals....sorri it took so long 4 tha update but a little annoying thing called life got in tha way....this chapter iz a little majorly short but i wanted to get it out asap plus my brain has literally turned 2 mush n im havin trouble concentratin....anywayz sorri 4 tha shortness!!!!**

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Chapter 6

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching." ~Author Unknown

_**EM POV**_

I woke up not really knowing where I was. The images of the day replayed themselves in my mind but everything seemed foggy. I opened my eyes to the darkness. I felt around to see where I was and let out a groan when pain shot though my left arm. It was broken. I could feel it. I took a few deep breaths and lifted my right arm and reached out above me. I was surprised when my hand touched something solid. I brought my hand back down and searched in my pocket for my flashlight. The simple little move caused me more pain than imaginable.

Eventually I found it and was able to turn it on easily. Once I did my heart felt like it would explode. The scene before me was horrible. It was a little space, which explained why I could touch the ceiling. It was just big enough for me to crawl in. I moved the flashlight around some more so I could examine the space further. There were pipes and wires and all types of stuff sticking out at weird places. Above me beams and wires were crunched together, threatening to fall at any second.

All around me I could hear stuff falling and sparks flying. I could hear the crackling of fires both above and below me. I realized it was way beyond hot when I felt sweat fall down my face. I reached my good arm up to wipe it away. When I touched it, it felt more sticky than it should have. I brought my hand down so that the flashlight, which was resting on my chest, could shine on it. The red liquid glistened in the light. I realized I was bleeding. Bad. As if my head was responding to my thoughts I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. Great. that's probably gonna need stitches.

As I moved the flashlight around more I realized an opening to my right. It was to small but I could probably yank some of the pipes and stuff out of the way. I rested the flashlight on my chest again ans searched my pocket for my two way radio. Once I found it I played with the buttons a little to see if I could get service. "This is Captain Cullen, if you can hear me, come in." I was surprised at how weak my voice sounded. I listened to the silence as no one answered.

"This is Captain Cullen. Come in." I tried again, more frustrated this time. When no one answered I decided to stop stalling and get up. I made it about half way before I let out a groan and flopped back down. Not only was my arm broken but so were some ribs. Damn it, I gotta get outa here. I gotta find Edward and I gotta get outa here. I bit down hard on my tongue as I tried to get up again. I felt the blood in my mouth but at least I got up this time.

Once I was sitting all the way up I took a few deep breaths to center myself. Once I felt capable I moved the short distance to my right where I saw the opening. It was definitely to little for my huge frame to get through. I put the flashlight in my mouth and began moving things carelessly out of the way. It took longer than I expected it to since I only had one free hand. I pulled on wires and pipes for what seemed like forever. When I finally convinced myself that the whole was big enough for me to fit through I gathered my strength and squeezed through. I could feel the wires and broken pipes scratching my back and legs as I crawled through, moving things out of the way every once in a while.

As I crawled I forced myself to think about the pain and not my family. That was the one thing I couldn't handle. I didn't want to think about what this was doing to them. I just wanted to get out of here and hold them in my arms. I wanted to hold Rose in my arms and tell her she didn't have to cry. I wanted to hear Abby and Josh running carelessly through the house at the crack of dawn. I shook my head as I felt my eyes sting with tears. Pull it together Emmett. There's no reason to cry. Your gonna get outa here. But not without Edward, I told my self.

I felt my heart sting as I realized that I couldn't protect him like I promised all those years ago. When Esme and Carlisle adopted him he wasn't the Edward we knew today. I promised him that as his big brother I would protect him. Always. But the one thing I couldn't protect him from may have cost him his life. I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head as my eyes started to sting again. God please let him still be alive. I silently prayed. I tried to focus more on my pain than my family. I suddenly became aware of the burning sensation on my back and the sting of fresh cuts as the broken pipes and wires scratched me.

It felt like hours before I finally saw light. It may have been a small piece but at least it meant that the world was still in place and that it didn't crumble with the buildings. As I crawled closer to the light, the space around me began to expand. I didn't feel anything cutting me anymore. My heart began to beat faster as a little piece of hope was implanted in my chest. Maybe if I could get up there and get some help I could find Edward faster. I crawled to the opening of light as fast as I could without causing something to fall or break.

Just as I was about to reach the whole something stopped me. "Somebody help!!" The voice was weak and shaky and wasn't even a real yell. Something jolted me to a stop. I recognized that voice. It was coming from the other side of the opening, so I crawled toward it. "Tommy? Tommy where are you?" I yelled to the darkness. "Em?" he called back. I shone the flashlight in the direction of his voice and nearly cried when I saw him.

He was pinned to the ground by something that looked like a giant boulder. His face was purple and just about the only thing I could see. The rock covered the rest of his body. Both of his arms were free but were bruised and purple like the circulation to them was being cut off. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and whispered "Help me" Seeing Tommy like that was a real kick in the gut. It made me realized just how much danger was all around me. I didn't know how much rubble was on top of me or how far down I was. I wasn't even sure if I was going to get out of here alive.

"Em." Tommy whispered bringing me back down to reality. I put the flashlight back in my mouth and used my good arm to crawl closer to him. "Tommy what are you doing in here. I told you to stay outside." "You know me Capt, always gotta be where the action is." Usually I would have laughed and told him how ridiculous he was, but just looking at him took all humor from the situation. He looked so fragile. Like any second the giant rock would crush him.

"Its bad aint it Capt." Tommy said more as a statement than a question. "Yea Tommy. Its bad." As he turned his head away from me I saw a tear run down his cheek. "Hey Tommy, look at me. Im not leaving you. Ill think of something, don't worry. Im gonna get you outa here." I told him. He turned back to me and said "Sorry Capt but you look like hell yourself. I don't think ill be getting out of here anytime soon." I couldn't respond to him. I didn't even know if I was getting outa here.

"Do me a favor would ya Capt? Tell Haley that I love her and that I always will. Tell her it didn't hurt. I didn't feel a thing." "I cant do that Tommy. You can talk to her once we get outa here ok. Just don't think like that Tommy." I told him. He looked at me and said "Newsflash Capt. I have a rock on top of me crushing me. Even if you could use both hands not even you could pull this thing off of me." We just looked at each other as I knew he was right. I didn't even have the usage of both my arms, how could I possibly help him. The rock looked about ten times my weight.

We sat in silence as our minds wandered. I thought about all the good times me and Tommy had at the station. Me and him were always getting into trouble together. It felt weird to see him like this. All broken and fragile looking. He was always one to be in the action. Whenever we were called he was always the first to be ready and in the truck waiting for us. He loved being a firefighter. He loved helping people. He always tried his hardest to save someone. That's just the way he was. Is. That's just the way he is.

He's the one person that everyone wants to be around. The one person that could make you feel better about all the crappy stuff going on in life. If he's gone who's gonna make us feel better now? Who's gonna make us smile when all we want to do is shout and throw things? That's his job and if he's not here to do it, who will? God knows were gonna need him after this is over with. "Capt have you heard from Jasper?" Tommy said looking up at me. His question surprised me. "No, not since I came in here to help. Last I heard he was outside. Why?" He stared up at me and said "Because last I heard he was in here." His words caused my throat to swell up and made it hard for me to breath. I couldn't lose both my brothers today. Its not possible.

"What do you mean he was in here? I specifically told him to stay out there where it was safe." I nearly yelled as all the possibilities of where Jasper was ran through my head. Most weren't that good. I winced as the yelling caused my broken ribs to ache. "I was on my way in here and I saw him outside. I asked him where you were cause Isaac was lookin for you. Said he had Rose on the phone. He told me to come look for you. Jazz said you were in here and when I asked him why he wasn't he said because you told him to stay out there but that he was gonna come in as soon as he was done helping a lady to the ambulance."

"Why didn't you tell him to stay where he was?" I questioned. I didn't mean for my words to come out as harsh as they did but I could already tell they caused damage as soon as they were out. I bent my head and shoved a hand through my short hair. A habit I picked up from Edward. As I thought his name my heart ached with pain and anxiousness. I had to find him. "Tommy, you haven't seen Edward have you?"

He looked at me and said "No, but I could have sworn I heard someone coughing over there a while before you showed up." He said as though he just remembered and nodded his head to the left of him. I followed his direction and saw a pile of debris about ten feet away from us. "You sure you heard someone coughing?" "Yea. I tried to yell out but no one answered." he said. I looked back in the direction of the pile of debris and weighed my options.

After careful consideration I decided to go check it out. "You gonna be ok here while I go check it out?" I asked. He nodded his head but didn't say anything. I turned away from him and used my good arm to support my upper body while I crawled toward the pile. I tried to ignore the pain my broken ribs caused me but the pain was so intense. My breath came out in pants as I tried to concentrate on breathing rather than the pain. When I was finally able to reach the pile I sighed as I realized there was no one under it. "Tommy you hallucinatin jerk, there's no one ov.." My words were cut off by a small cough on the other side of the pile.

"Are you hurt bad?" I yelled. The voice that responded had me hyperventilating and nearly clawing at the debris in front of me. "Jasper!!"

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**Hey hpe u all lyked tha chapter....dnt realli no when im gonna b able 2 update again but im gonna try n make it soon....i have another story that ive completely neglected so i wanna pay some attention 2 that 2....anyway hpe u lyked....dnt 4get 2 review**

**Much love**

**-Tink-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everybodi!!!! Cnt beleive im updating..itz a miracle lol....anyway im sorry for tha long wait and i hope u enjoy this chapter!!**

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Chapter 7

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most."~Author unknown

EM POV

I clawed at pipes and debris until my fingers were bloody and aching. "What are you doing in here Jazz? I told you to stay outside." I yelled to him. He didn't respond which automatically made me panic and dig faster. "Em, calm down. One false move and this whole thing could collapse on us. We don't even know how far down we are." Tommy yelled to me. It took awhile before his words actually made sense in my mind. Once I was able to understand his words I realized they were true. Slowly I let my hands fall to my sides.

I realized my breathing was uneven so I tried to concentrate on steadying it. I took deep breaths in and out until my chest stopped aching and I was breathing normally. I tried to come up with ways to get over there and help Jasper. "Its ok Em." Jazz said, breaking me away from my thoughts. His voice was so weak I barely heard it. "I'm not hurt to bad. Just a little exhausted." I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was lying to me. "I know when your lying Jazz." I yelled to the darkness. "I'm fine enough to hold out until help gets here." He said. "There's just one problem with that Jazz. We don't know when or if help is even coming." I yelled to him. "I'm fine." He insisted. "Can you move?" I asked. "I can but I rather not. It hurts to much."

"How bad are your injuries?" I asked. "I don't know. I'm too weak to check it out." "Can you see what's around you?" I yelled to him. "Just a lot of pipes and beams and wires." he replied. "Ok. I'm gonna try and move some more of this debris so I can get to you better ok." I yelled wanting to make sure he understood me. "I'm not one of the people we rescue everyday Em. I know the routine." I didn't bother replying. Now was not the time to start an argument. Instead I started to dig at more of the debris.

The only thing I really thought about was getting to Jasper. I tried to tell myself over and over again that he was ok and that him talking to me was a good sign. So far I was failing to convince myself that we were going to get out of here. No matter how many times I told myself we would get out and be ok the facts kept getting in the way. The facts were that I couldn't find Edward. I couldn't get to Jazz and Tommy was most likely gonna die. The cons definitely outweighed the pros.

I was so tangled in my thoughts that I almost didn't hear Tommy yelling at me. "EM MOVE OUT THE WAY." I looked above to see debris falling viciously over my head. Everything around me rumbled as though we were sinking farther down. Closer to hell. As if it could get any worse than this. I raised my arms to put my hands over my head but it was to late. Something hard and jagged fell straight on top of my head, knocking me out instantly.

I could still here Tommy's scream. It was a blood curdling scream that made the hairs on my neck stand up. I wanted to get up and help him but it was as though my mind was disconnected from my body and it wouldn't send the message to my legs to move. I felt weak. And tired. Like I wouldn't move in years. I'm not even sure I wanted to. The thought of the pain I would encounter was to much for my mind to bear let alone my body.

I laid there listening to Tommy's scream as hot debris that had been on fire fell on top of me. I didn't even try to move as I felt the hot pieces of debris piercing my skin. I stared at the back of my eyelids and welcomed the pain. At least it meant I was still alive. That I still had a chance. Maybe that chance was slim but I welcomed it with open arms if it meant I could hug my kids again. If I could kiss Rose again and hold her in my arms.

I would welcome pain a thousand times worse if it assured me I would be home with them. They were my everything. My reason for waking up in the morning. I wasn't ready to leave them just yet. I still had so much to teach my kids. I had to teach Josh how to play baseball and Abby how to annoy Rosie to death. Now was not the time for me to die. I had so much things that needed to be done. A little voice crept inside my head and told me death didn't care. He didn't care if I was a father. A husband. He didn't care if I had unfinished business to take care of. He wanted me. That's all that mattered. He was here to take me away despite every plea I would make to let me stay. He just wanted me. And I would have to obey. He would tell me whatever he could think of to make me go.

I refused to think of myself as dead just yet. I was still very much alive. And I needed it to stay that way. I held on to the pain. If I could feel it that meant I was still alive. Pain was my new best friend. I needed it. What was really only a few minutes of rumbling and falling debris felt like much more in my mind. The rumbling died down then stopped completely. Debris till fell but not as much as before. I laid there with my eyes shut trying to take in what just happened.

My mind fluttered to Jazz and Tommy and realized I wasn't off the hook yet. I still had a job to do. I was the Captain and it was my job to get them out of here. I searched inside me to find out how to work my muscles then opened my eyes. Nothing made sense at first. It was so dark I couldn't really see anything. My eyes made everything blurry. I felt the warm blood run down my face. I tried to sit up, taking it slow so that I wasn't interrupted by too much pain. Once I was finally able to sit upright I looked around me to access my surroundings.

There wasn't but one ray of light shining in on us. I could tell we were farther down because the light seemed farther away than it did before. "Jazz? Tommy?" I tried to yell. My voice cracked and it hurt to talk but I kept yelling determined to get an answer. "Tommy? Jazz?" I yelled over and over again until I finally got a response. "Em?" "Are you ok Jazz?" I sighed in relief that I finally got an answer. "I would say yea but I think I'm gonna have to say no."

"How bad are you hurt?" I asked. "Worse than before. I cant feel my legs and its really hard to move." he said. Time was running out. I had a feeling if Jasper stayed down here any longer there would be no hope of regaining the use of his legs. It would kill Jasper if he couldn't walk again. Ok I admit my choice of words weren't actually appropriate for the situation. I had to get him out of here and to Carlisle before it was to late. I found myself facing a dilemma. I could risk staying down here and trying to find Edward and the rest of my team. Or I could get to Jasper and try to save his life. I felt that I had to choose between brothers and it wasn't fair at all.

Bella would never forgive me if I left Edward down here. But Alice would never forgive me if I left Jazz down here. I was a lose lose situation for me. Whatever I chose there was a possibility that I could lose one brother if not both. This was probably the hardest decision I was ever gonna have to make. "Em? Can you here me?" Jazz called out. "Yea. I hear you." I said back. "You gotta stay with me bro. I cant lose you. You cant doze off like that. Ok?" I could hear the desperation in his voice and it felt weird that a grown man could sound like that.

"Yea. You too Jazz." I said, too weak and tired to say anymore. I found out how to work my hands and legs and said "Jazz, I want you to talk to me so I can follow your voice to you." "Ok" he said. I got on my hands and knees and crawled to where I heard his voice coming from. I didnt even get the chance to process that I had lost Tommy. "Jazz, that requires you to talk remember." I said. "Oh yea." Jazz chuckled. It didn't really sound like a chuckle but more of a cough. "What do ya want me to say?" he yelled. I followed his voice and said "Anything." "How we gonna get outa here?" he asked. "Anything but that." I responded.

"You said anything." he yelled. "Yea well I don't have a answer to that so maybe we should talk about something else." I said. "What happed to Tommy?" "I don't know the answer to that either Jazz." I said. "Do you know anything?" Jazz said. "I know your gonna be hurting a lot more if you don't shut up." "You're the one that told me to talk." he said. "Yea so I could find you. Keep talkin junk and I'm not sure ill want to find you anymore." I said. "Yea what a big brother you are." "Hey I'm still lookin for you aint I?" I said. "Yea I guess."

"Would you two quit arguing. I mean now is not the time for you two to be arguing like two little kids. We got bigger problems." The voice belonged to a female I didn't recognize. "Who's there?" I asked. "My name is Hannah Briggs. I worked in the towers." She said. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone by the name of Edward do you Hannah?" I asked not really expecting an answer. "Edward Cullen?" She asked. "Yea that's the one." I said letting a little piece of hope get put back into me. But it didn't last long. "Yea I know him. We were together right before this happened but we got separated when the building came down." Great. Back to square one.

"How do you know him?" Hannah asked me. "Hes my brother." I told her. "Jasper or Emmett?" "What?" I asked taken aback that she knew me. "Are you Jasper or Emmett. Edward talks about you guys alot." My heart twinged and ached at the same time. Hearing someone else say Edwards name only reminded me that I couldn't find him. "I'm Emmett." I said not allowing my mind to convince me that I would never find him. "So your the funny one?" She said. "Yea I guess." I replied. "You don't seem very funny." "Well if you haven't noticed were trapped under a building and no one can find us. I don't think this is a time to be funny." I said letting my anger get the best of me. I continued in the direction that Hannah's and Jasper's voices were coming from. My hands ached from all the debris that had cut them.

"Jazz you still there?" I yelled. It took a minute for him to respond. "Yea. Im here." He said in a voice so weak it scared me. I was getting closer and closer to their voices and it sounded like Hannah was closer. "What about you Hannah? You still with me?" I asked. "Yea. I'm here." She said. "Ok I think I'm getting closer to you Hannah. Keep talking to me. About anything. Just talk." I told her. "My son just turned one not too long ago. We had a party in the park. My husband came late cause he was caught up at the station. Hes a police officer. I remember fighting with him that day. I was so angry that he could miss his sons first birthday just to be at the station." I kept crawling in the direction of her voice. It was getting louder and more clear for me to hear which meant she was getting closer. "I didn't talk to him for two whole days after that." Hannah kept talking and shortly I came to a wall of debris.

Her voice was at its highest and I was sure she was behind it. I took a second to access the situation and determined that it wouldn't be that hard to move enough debris out of the way so I could get to her. "Hannah, I think I can get to you but I'm gonna have to knock some of this debris out the way ok." I told her. "Ok." She replied. Immediately I began working on the debris. I tore wires and pipes and pieces of all different types of stuff away. Once I was finally able to make a hole big enough for my body to fit in I climbed in ignoring the pain that shot through every inch of my body. "Hannah your gonna have to talk some more so I can find you. I don't have a flashlight. What about you Jazz? You doing ok?" "Yea. I'm fine." He said but I couldn't help but notice his voice get a little weaker.

"Hannah talk to me." I said after I made my way through the hole. "I'm over here." She said. I turned in that direction and found Hannah easily. She was buried under rocks and bleeding. I had tried to prepare myself for what I was gonna see but it still caught me off guard and surprised me. I took a moment to get myself together and began trying to help. "How you doing Hannah? You think you can make it?" I asked. "Yea. Just get me out of here." She said. The rocks weren't that heavy and I easily lifted them off of her. Her legs were twisted at odd angles that made me want to gag and she was pretty banged up and bruised.

"Ok Hannah I'm gonna try and crawl to Jazz with you on my back ok." I told her. She nodded her head and I began trying to pick her up. Pain shot through my broken arm that made me scream but I didn't put her down. Once I was able to get her on my back I called out to Jasper. "Jazz, I'm coming for you now. Talk to me." It took a minute for him to say "I'm tired Em." "No Jazz, don't you dare go to sleep. You gotta stay awake. I'm almost there." Crawling was even harder with Hannah on my back. She wasn't a big women but my body was so worn down that it couldn't withstand any extra weight on it. I had to work 10 times harder but I was willing. "I cant keep my eyes open." "Come on Jazz, stay with me. I'm almost there."

His voice was getting closer and closer. I could hear him coughing. I could hear the drip of the pipe next to him. "Jazz where are you?" I yelled into the darkness. "I'm right here Em." He said. His voice was closer than I expected but I was glad. I was just a few crawls away from him. I kept crawling until my hands came across something hard. I looked down and a little ray of light was shining across him. He looked horrible. There was blood all down his face and his legs were wedged in between two rocks. His face was bruised and swollen and his hand looked like it was broken to. I gently set Hannah down next to him and tried to tend to his wounds. They were too much for me to handle. I couldn't do anything for him. The rocks were too big to move and I had no medical equipment with me. I sighed in frustration and said "Do you have your radio?" "I don't know. I haven't checked." I could tell it was taking alot of effort for him to talk.

I searched around him and on him for his radio. I found it lying a few feet away from him. I picked it up and tried to radio someone in. "This is Captain Cullen, if you can hear me come in." I waited but nothing happened. I tried again. "This is Captain Cullen. I have a firefighter down and a civilian. Where trapped under the debris of the tower. Please if you can hear me, come in." I waited for what seemed like forever. No one answered. I put my face in my hands in desperation and nearly had a heart attack when a voice answered. "Captain Cullen, this is officer Briggs. Can you tell me who you have with you and their condition. " Hannah's eyes went wide but before she could jump up and take the radio from me I said "I have Jasper Hale. Hes my brother and fellow firefighter. Hes hurt the worst. Hes wedged in between two rocks and i cant get him out. He needs help fast."

"And the civilian?" He said. "Her name is Hannah Briggs and shes pretty banged up. I think her legs might be broken." There was a silence in the air as the officer took in the information that his wife wasn't dead. "I'm contacting a search and rescue unit right now. Can you tell me where you are?" "No." I said. "Well that's gonna make it alot harder for us to find you. Can you tell how far down you are." "There's a light up above. Id say its about 20 maybe 30 feet up." I said. "What tower were you in when it collapsed?" He asked. "The North." I said. "Ok search and rescues almost there. Just hang tight." I felt true relief wash through me and I never wanted it to end. "Can I go to sleep now Em?" "No Jazz. Where gonna get out of here. Helps on the way. Where gonna be ok."

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**Welp there it iz ppl....MAYBE Jasper and Emmett r gonna make it out alive. lol. Well ive already started working on tha nxt chapter but i havent got much dne so idk wen im gonna b able 2 update nxt. Well i hope u lyked it and dnt forget 2 reveiw n tell me wat u think. **

**Thanx lotz**

**-Tink-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys....sorri for taking so long with tha updates....got alota stuff i have 2 do n its been realli hard to write. Anyway hpe u guys like this chapter!!!!**

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Chapter 8

_"However long the night, the dawn will break."~ African Proverb_

EMPOV

It was getting harder and harder to try and keep Jazz and Hannah awake. Partially because it was getting harder to keep myself awake. My body ached in all the wrong places and it was getting harder to stay conscious. I had already lost too much blood from my head. My body was getting weaker but I knew I had to stay awake for Jazz and Hannah. "Ok Emmett, I have search and rescue scowering the area where the north tower came down but its gonna be awhile since we cant pinpoint exactly where you are. Once we do locate you, its gonna take even longer to get to you ok Emmett. I'm gonna need you to hang in there for a while." Officer Briggs' voice over the radio made me snap my eyes back open. I picked up the radio and said "Ok but hurry. Its getting harder to breath down here. And tell your team to be careful, there's fires all over down here. Ones right next to us." "Got it."

I looked down at Jazz and Hannah and saw that they were both asleep. I tried shaking them awake but it didn't work. I checked them both for pulses and felt a panic when I couldn't really feel them. I picked up the radio and said "You gotta hurry officer. I'm losing them." It was a while before he responded. "You guys gotta hang in there Emmett. I'm doing everything I can. For all we know search and rescue could have passed right over you. Just keep talking with me. And try to keep them awake." "I tried. There both out cold. Pretty soon I think I might be too." I told him. "Is there anything there that might help signify where you are?" Officer Briggs asked desperately. "I don't know. Like what?" I said feeling tired. "I don't know. Maybe something that will make a loud noise or something." "There's some pipes I could bang together." I said reaching for the nearest pipe. "Ok good. Bang them together loud enough for someone to hear. Your gonna have to bang hard Emmett. Your really far down so its just gonna make it that much harder to hear you." Great I just couldn't catch a break today.

Once I was able to reach the pipe I tried to raise it above my head but my shoulder ached from all the burns. When I did get it above my head I took a deep breath and banged it against the debris above me. It made a loud boom but something told me no one heard it. I continued banging on the debris for a few minutes until my arm finally gave out and collapsed to the ground. I layed on my back next to Jasper and breathed heavily. I looked and Jazz and noticed that his color was off. He was getting paler and paler. I closed my eyes and said "Come on Jazz. Hang in there." I don't know what came over me. I guess I was hoping that he would sit up and tell me I was being stupid for worrying but he didn't. He didn't even move. If I couldn't hear his shallow intakes of breath I would have thought he was gone already.

I wanted to be strong for him. And Hannah. But I just didn't have the strength anymore. I tried to get up but my body felt like it had gained 500 pounds in the last five minutes. It was so heavy. I got about half way before my vision blurred and I couldn't hold myself up anymore. I plopped back down and heard Officer Briggs on the radio. My mind was screaming at me to pick up the radio but my body was screaming to stay still. I was in a silent tug of war and my body was winning. They were pulling on me so hard that I couldn't see straight and my head started to hurt. I couldn't really hear what Officer Briggs was saying and part of me didn't care. I kept thinking that I needed a nap. Just a small one. Id be back up in five minutes. Jazz and Hannah were asleep, Why could I sleep too? I needed to sleep. As though my eyelids knew exactly what I was thinking, they began to slowly close. I couldn't even fight them. I didn't even want to. The weak, hurt part of me was thanking my eyes for doing what I was too afraid to do.

My thoughts went to Tommy. Was this how he felt? Severe guilt washed over me. I left him. I wasn't supposed to but I did. I didn't even know if he was alive or not. It was my fault he was even in this mess. He wanted to come in here, but I should have made him stay outside. I told him he could and now he might be gone. I didn't even go back for him. I should have stayed. I should have tried harder to find him. He was my friend for almost four years now. My kids loved him. Rose loved him. And I left him there to die. I felt the wetness of a tear run down my face but was to tired to reach up and wipe it away. What would Haley think of me? She would be so devastated when she heard what Id done. They just got married almost two years ago. They were so much in love. She would hate me for taking Tommy away from her and their newborn son.

My mind started to wander to the other guys in my unit. I still had no idea where Issac, Andrew, or Ricky were. We were all so busy trying to save people that we barley had time to keep up with each other and knowing my men they would want to be up close and personal with the action. I should have checked where they were before I came in here with Tommy. They were my responsibility and I let them down. I vaguely heard Officer Briggs saying something over the radio but it was like my ears were plugged and I couldn't hear what he was saying. I tried to reach for the radio but the weight on my body still hadn't lifted. I was getting weaker and weaker and the only thing I wanted to do was give up. A very small voice in the back of my head reminded me that Jazz and Hannah wouldn't get out of here if I didn't help them.

Part of me wanted to tell that voice to shut up but I knew it was right. I attempted to open my eyes but they felt heavy and it took me a few tries. Once I finally did get them open I had to struggle to keep them that way. All I wanted to do was close them back up and fall asleep but I knew that I had failed them too many times today. The least I could do was try and get them out of here before it was too late for them. I took a few deep breaths and winced from the pain but kept breathing deeply. Once I was a little sure that some of the weight was gone I tried to move my arm. I searched the ground around me without really looking until I found the radio. I brought it up to my mouth and said "Hello?" My voice was weaker than I expected it to be.

"I thought we might have lost you there for a second Emmett." Officer Briggs said in a relieved tone. "Yea, me too." I said. "You don't sound too good." "I don't feel too good either." I said. "How are Hannah and Jasper?" He asked. "I don't know. There not awake." There was a silent pause between us that seemed to last forever. Finally I said "I don't think were gonna make it Officer. Its really bad down here. The smokes making it almost impossible to breath. All I wanna do is sleep." "You cant do that Emmett. Were gonna get to you in time. You just gotta hang in there." He pleaded with me. "I don't think I can do that any longer. I cant hang in there for all of us anymore." "Yes you can Emmett. You just gotta stay awake." He told me. By then I had used up all the oxygen I had. I layed there for a few minutes listening to Officer Briggs call out my name. I was too weak to even talk.

Officer Briggs continued to try to get me too respond. He sounded panicked. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. What was I supposed to say? Sorry I couldnt save your wife? I don't think that was a good thing to say at this point. When I finally got enough oxygen to talk I said "Whats your first name?" "You cant keep doing that to me Emmett." Officer Briggs replied. "Sorry." I said. "Why do you wanna know my first name?" "Because right now all I know you by is Officer Briggs. I think we should be on a first name basis now. Don't you?" I said. The sentence lasted longer than it was supposed to because I had to keep stopping to take a few deep breaths. "Michael. My names Michael." "Well Michael, if your gonna save us, I suggest you hurry."

"I'm trying. We still cant find you. You think your strong enough to make some more noise?" "No." I said. "Well your gonna have to try." Michael told me. I sighed and nearly choked on the smoke filled air. I convinced myself that I had to do it. That this was the only way. I reached for the pipe and tried to take a deep breath before pounding against the debris above me. I coughed a few times but continued pounding. "I think we hear you Emmett!" Michael practically yelled into the radio. I meant to laugh with excitement but instead I was overcome by a extreme coughing fit. Instinctively I put my hand to my mouth to cover the cough. When I brought my hand away from my face I noticed it was wet. I used the light from the fire to examine it. It was blood. I didn't have to be a doctor to know that wasn't good.

"Did you hear me Emmett? I think we hear you." "Yea I heard you. You better make it fast. I don't know how much longer I can make it." I said staring at the blood on my hand. "Were gonna try Emmett. Hows Hannah and Jasper?" He asked again. "There still asleep." I said. "Ok well just hang in there for a little while longer." He told me. "I don't think I can." "You gotta Emmett. Talk to me. Tell me why your down there." He said. "I'm a firefighter." I reminded him. "I know that, but something obviously made you run into a collapsing building. Tell me what it was." He said. I took a deep breath and allowed the pain and heartbreak to overcome me. "My brother. Hes in here." "Jasper right." He said. "No. My other brother Edward. He worked....works in the North Tower. I came in here looking for him and to try and get anyone I could out in the process."

"I'm sorry Emmett." "Don't be....I refuse to believe hes gone. I cant think of him as gone yet. Not until I have proof. For all we know he could still be alive." I told him. I felt the wetness of a few more tears make there way down my face. Edward couldn't be gone. Its not possible. It wouldn't be right if he wasn't here. Guilt washed trough me. I couldn't find Edward but I couldn't keep Jazz down here any longer. I felt like I was choosing between my brothers and it was tearing me apart. I didn't want to make this decision. I couldn't. Jazz needed me, but Edward needed me too. I wanted to be there for both of them and my heart sank when I realized I couldn't. I wanted the world to slow down and stop spinning long enough for me to find him. Everything had happened so fast, it felt like the world was in overdrive trying to fit in enough loss and tragedy to touch everyones heart.

"Emmett?" I heard Officer Briggs voice over the radio and didn't realize he had been saying my name. "Yea?" I answered. "I'm gonna need you to make some more noise. I know where close but if you continue to make noise I think we might be able to pinpoint where you are." I felt exhausted and weak. I certainly did not want to but I knew that I had to, but even that didn't give me the motivation to do it. My body ached and I was tired of the pain. I could just sit here and let the pain go away. I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. My eyes found Jazz and Hannah unconscious on the ground. I'm sure Jazz hurts. I'm sure Hannah hurts. I'm sure Tommy hurted. The rest of my guys down here probably hurted to. And Edward. Something deep down inside me guaranteed me that he definitely hurts.

"Did you hear me Emmett?" Officer Briggs asked. I forced myself to bring the radio to my mouth. My body was regaining the weight I was trying so hard to make go away. "Yea I heard you." My voice was weak. It hurt to talk. I was slipping far away and I didn't want to stop it. I didn't know how to stop it. I felt horrible. I needed something to hold on to. Something to make me stay. I thought of my parents, my brothers, my sisters, my nephew, my nieces. But that wasn't enough. I thought of Rose and Josh and Abby. I had to hang on to them. Most of me didn't want to but I knew I couldn't leave them. Not like this. Not without saying goodbye. They deserved more than that.

Officer Briggs was still talking to me over the radio. I couldn't hear him. His words didn't make sense. It was as though a cloud had developed inside of my head and it was making everything groggy. His words sounded all mushed together and I couldn't understand. The weight was getting harder. It was pushing up against my body, making it harder for me to breath or even open my eyes. I fought against the weight but it put up one hell of a fight. It was exhausting me even more just trying to keep the weight at bay. Was this it? Was this what it felt like to die? The weight pushed harder, adding more pressure to my chest, causing my breath to come out in painful gasps. It was as though someone was stabbing me in the chest just for breathing.

I couldn't open my eyes but I thought I heard someone coughing in the background. My hearing still hadn't repaired itself so I wasn't sure if I was just imagining it. The cough turned into a voice. Then there were two voices. One sounded far away. Like they weren't really there. They were having a panicked conversation. Talking in short fast voices. I couldn't understand what they were saying. All I could hear was pounding in my ears. It was kind of annoying actually. It was way to fast for my liking and it gave me a massive headache. I felt someone shaking me but it was as though nothing made sense and I didn't know I was supposed to wake up. I don't think I could have even if I wanted to. One of the voices I heard earlier got louder, as though they were shouting something. I couldn't make sense of his words and it hurt to try.

The voice screamed as though he was being tortured. The voice sounded so hopeless that I felt his pain too. You could hear it in his voice and it made your heart twinge. I wanted to help but my brain wouldn't allow the message to get through so I just layed there feeling the pain and hearing the annoying too fast pounding in my ears. I wondered what they were screaming about. I wondered who they were. My world was all jumbled up right now and nothing made sense. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I just kept hearing this annoying pounding in my ear. I wanted it to go away. The universe obeyed me for once today and the pounding got quieter and slower. But as it did, so did my breathing.

The truth of the moment hit me like a rock. I realized the pounding was my own heartbeat and suddenly I wanted the annoying little sound back. It wouldn't listen. It got quieter and slower and I couldn't bring it back to me. It slowly got quieter and the little bit of strength that was left in my body diminished. It was getting harder to push against the weight. It was close to crushing me and I couldn't stop it. It was taking my strength from me and using it against me. It took it and pushed harder just when I thought it was impossible. As the strength diminished so did my will to try to push. Eventually I gave up and let the weight have me. The pounding in my ears came to a complete stop and the pain went away. It was relieving but heartbreaking at the same time. I felt better but I knew I was dead. I wasn't strong enough to hold on and now I'm dead. The words didn't sound right together.

All of a sudden the weight was gone. I could move. I opened my eyes and saw that the scene hadn't changed much but there were vital things missing. I was still in the debris but Jazz and Hannah weren't there. They weren't anywhere. I looked around me but I couldn't find them.

"There not here. Its just you and me." A familiar voice called out to me. I turned around and saw him sitting there as though nothing was happening. The sight of him made my heart drop with excitement.

"Hey and me too." Came another familiar voice. Tommy stepped in the clearing and sat down next to Edward. Then my heart dropped for another reason. I realized where we were.

"Are we dead?" I asked.

"Yea....were dead." Edward said while Tommy shook his head in agreement.

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**OMG is he dead....lol. cant answer that just yet. Anyway nxt chapters gonna b Bella pov finally. havent heard from her in a long tym lol. hpe u all like this chapter n remember as always to review....i love 2 hear ur thoughts....thank u so much 2 all those who have reveiwed or favorited this story..it meanz alot 2 me and i am very gratful.!!**

**Much Love **

**-Tink-**


	9. Chapter 9

**R u serious, another chapter already....i cant beleive it lol....anyway i hope u guys n gals like it....I mite have made a mistake on some info but plz forgive me**

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Chapter 9

_Tears are God's gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow. ~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997, published by The Reed Edwards Company_

Bella POV

It was getting dark outside and eventually the kids wore themselves out and fell asleep wherever they wanted. I was still clutching my phone so hard you could see the whites of my knuckles. We hadn't heard anything in hours. Isaac hadn't gotten in touch with us for a while. Rose kept trying to call him but his phone would either ring or go straight to voicemail. The waiting was starting to get to us. There was nothing but silence in the room. Now that the kids were all asleep we didn't feel the need to put on fake smiles or make false conversation. We just let the anger, worry, and fear flood through us.

We were all so scared we didn't know how to try and help each other. We didn't even know how to begin to help ourselves. Even the presence of my family couldn't take the fear away. We were all crowded around each other in the living room. No one had changed the channel except to check another news station. So far only 14 people were rescued from the buildings alive. The number was depressing. Out of all the people who were in that building only 14 were found. That meant that so many more lives hung in the balance. So many people were sitting right were I am right now just hoping and praying for something to happen or for good news to come their way.

So far not that many people got what they wanted. We sure didn't. It felt as though this day was never gonna end. Maybe that was a good thing. It gave us more time. But maybe that time would do more harm than good. "Bella." I was pulled from my mental rambling by Esme who was sitting nearest to me on the couch. She had a worried look on her face that I imagined was because I look like crap right now. "Are you ok? You don't look so good sweetheart." Esme said to me. I tried my best to give her a smile but instead looked more like a grimace. "I'm fine." Was all I could say. "You don't look like it hon. You look really pale. Maybe you should go to sleep."

All eyes were on us now. Nobody had spoken in so long that the whole room was intrigued by the conversation. "I'm fine Esme." I tried to reassure her but by the look on her face I could tell she wasn't convinced. "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure." I said to her. She nodded her head and turned her attention towards the TV. Normally she would have argued with me until I agreed to take a nap but I guess she didn't have it in her today. I silently thanked her for that. I don't think I had it in me either. I admit I was exhausted but I was too afraid of something happening while I was asleep.

It was weird to know I wasn't asleep. This all still felt like a bad dream I was just dying to wake up from. I was still half expecting Edward to walk through the door and hold me in his arms. I wanted that to be my reality right now, not my fantasy. "You sure your ok Bells?" My dad asked from across the room breaking me from my thoughts. I nodded without saying anything. We both knew it was a lie anyway. We turned our attention back to the news. They kept replaying the planes crashing and the buildings falling. Somehow I thought that the more I saw it the less it would hurt. I was wrong. My insides still twisted and turned and my heart still ached. That would probably never change. No matter what the outcome.

People kept showing pictures of missing loved ones. Edwards, Emmett's and Jasper's faces flashed by a few times. Everybody held their breath and hopped that someone knew something, anything about where they were and if they were ok. But nobody knew anything and it was slowly eating us up inside. How long were we gonna have to wait? Could this nightmare really last forever? I wanted to have answers. not only for me but for my children. Mostly for them. They deserved answers and I couldn't give them any. That broke my heart on so many different levels. I couldn't tell them that daddy wasn't coming home. Just thinking about hurting them like that made me angry. I had experienced so many different emotions today that I was surprised that I could still tell them apart.

"Its getting late honey, maybe we all should go." My mom said to me with a worried look on her face. "No, you guys don't have to go." I insisted. "Maybe we should let you be alone for a little while." Esme added. "No its fine. Im fine." I paused and took a deep breath. "I don't want to be alone tonight. Just in case we get a call." I added in a low voice that was more like a mumble. Esme and my mom both walked over to me and hugged me. "If that's what you want honey." I noticed a tear rolled down Esme's face as she turned her head in the other direction. Esme was always trying to be strong for her children. It was beginning to be to much for her and the fact that Carlisle wasn't here only made it worse.

He was still at the hospital. So many people needed tending to and he was one of the best. I know if Carlisle could be here he would. But he was busy saving lives and we all understood that. But that didn't stop Esme from hurting. She needed her husbands shoulder to cry on. I instantly felt bad for her. Her sons could be dead and her husband wasn't here. Right now all of the men in her life were absent. I suddenly felt the urge to comfort her. To be the shoulder she needed right now. I pulled her in my arms and let her soak up my shirt with her tears. I let her cry her eyes out. For that split second everyone else in the room was gone. It was just me, Esme and our sadness.

Then I was angry again. Esme was a good person. This shouldn't be happening to her. She was way more than the mother she needed to be. She loved her kids with all her heart and she had no problem showing it. She even loved those who were not hers. She was such a loving person and this wasn't supposed to happen to her. I wanted to tell her that it would be ok, that her boys were gonna make it back to her, but again I realized I didn't have any of the answers. The whole room had become silent as we listened to Esme's sobs. Sobs only a mother could make. They were heartbreaking. They made you wanna cry with her. She held it together the whole day but as soon as the sun went down so did her guard. I began to see just how hurt and broken up she really was. It was like I was actually paying attention to her for once today.

I couldn't help but let a tear or two roll down my face. I imagined I was her and it was Sammy down there. I felt a glimpse of the pain she felt. When she finally pulled away from me her eyes were as red as blood and her cheeks where swollen. She tried to smile at me but it didn't reach her eyes. She made up an excuse to leave the room, mumbling something about her needing to call Carlise. She left the room in a hurry with all of us staring after her. Nobody said a word. We didn't have to. We all understood that what we were going through was nothing like she was going through. She could lose her boys down there and she didn't even have Carlisle to help comfort her. Emmett and Edward were life. her two little boys. And Alice was her little girl. She would do anything for them. Jasper and Rose were just as much children to her as Em, Edward and Alice.

They had been together forever and when Roses and Jazz's parents failed to be there Esme was. Her heart was breaking three times over and the wait was just adding to the pain. We didn't know what we were gonna find out. We just hoped that by the end of the day this pain we felt would be relieved. Of course the world doesn't work that way and we just had to go along with it. We were playing the waiting game. And we were losing.

"I'm gonna go check on the kids." Rose said getting up. I noticed that she too had red rings around her eyes. I couldn't wait for this to be over. I needed to hold Edward in my arms again. A whole other round of tears made their way down my cheeks as I realized that it was more than a possibility that I wouldn't get to. I remember the first time he told me he loved me. It was in the middle of summer break of our sophomore year. We had spent the whole summer together and with our families. It was nearing and end and we were dreading for school to be back in session. We both did good in school but that doesn't mean we liked it.

My dad was at work and I invited Edward over for the day. We were laying on the couch watching TV when all of a sudden he turned to me and whispered in my ear. "If I tell you a secret, you promise not to tell anyone?" I nodded looking confused. He bent down and kissed the edge of my jaw and whispered in my ear that he was falling in love with me. I know its kinda cheesy but it took me by surprise. We had been dating for almost a year and knew each other way longer. It took me a moment to take what he said in but once I did I said back to him over and over again. Since then we never let a day go by without saying we love each other. My heart ached again from the thought of all the days I wouldn't be able to tell him I loved him if he didn't come out of this.

"Bella your phones ringing." Alice said from the love seat across from me. "Let it ring." I said. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now. As usual she ignored me and grabbed my cell phone out my hand. She flipped it open and said "Hello?" She listened for a few minutes while someone talked on the other end. Whatever they were saying made Alice fall to her knees with her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. I feared the worst. Alice's reaction wasn't good and they were calling my phone. That must only mean one thing. He was gone. I felt my heart drop. I was just about to yell at Alice to tell me what was going on when she looked up with a huge smile on her face.

"Its Isaac. He says they found two firefighters and a civilian down in the rubble. He says an officer is talking to them over the radio to try to locate exactly where they are." I could feel the happiness in the room. Everyone let out a few breaths they had been holding. Alice finished her conversation with Isaac and hung up the phone. We all started attacking her with questions and screams of joy. I wasn't done holding my breath yet. I wanted to know more. Somehow it felt like the universe wasn't done with us yet. "What all did he say Alice?" I asked, casing everyone to be quiet. "He said that two firefighters and a civilian got in touch with an officer. He said they were still alive but he doesn't have a positive ID on them yet so there's no way to be sure if its them."

Everyone inhaled again. What was once joy turned back to pain. The waiting game was hard enough to play but this was gonna be so much harder. Especially if it wasn't them. Or worse only one of them. We were all secretly hoping and praying that it was them. I don't know how much longer I can do this. The pain then relief then back to pain was unbearable. All I wanted to do was curl in a ball and hope that this would be over soon. But my thoughts drifted to the two little children that held my heart under lock and key. If I couldn't be strong for myself, I would have to be strong for them.

Esme walked back in the room with a look of confusion. "Did I miss something?" She asked. "Yea, whats going on?" Rose said walking in at the same time Esme did. My mom was the first to speak. "There aren't any positive IDs yet but two firefighters and a civilian were found under the rubble." Just as my mother finished speaking, I saw Esme drop to the floor on her knees. I was the first to reach her. I pulled her in my lap and rubbed soothing circles in her back. She had been strong for so long that no one dared blame her for falling apart now. Through her sobs I kept hearing two words. "My boys."

There was so much emotion in her sobs that the hair on the back of your neck stood up and you got goosebumps. That's how powerful a mothers cry could be. Nobody knew what to do. We couldn't imagine having to tell her that it wasn't them. So much hope had been restored to all of us that it would completely shatter us if the outcome was something other than what we prayed for. Esme's cries got softer as she began to regain control of herself. "Its them, I know it. I can feel it." She tried to convince us. I wish I could have told her that she was right but I had this feeling down at the bottom of my stomach that said it wasn't this easy. That there was no possible way that all three of them would be found at once and all be okay. It made me nauseous and I was overwhelmed with the urge to throw up. I took a few deep breaths to collect myself and save the dramatics for when they were necessary. Esme didn't need me adding to her stress.

She felt like a lifetime had passed her in these few hours we spent waiting. Esme was such a loving person that it hurt to think about how much she would change if the outcome was one other than a positive one. Her whole life was her children and losing even one would be like losing part of herself. One of the best parts. I rocked her in my arms until she was able to control herself. When she finally did pull away from me Alice and Rose were there to help her to her feet. Roses eyes were so red you could barley make out the breathtaking blue hazel that normally resided there. Nor would you ever have guessed that Alice's eyes were normally a shade of hazel.

I hadn't noticed when my mom and my dad helped off the ground. I was still staring after Esme, Alice and Rose. I guess you could say the truth of the moment hadn't really made its way to me yet. It felt like I was dreaming. Like it didn't make sense. My mind just couldn't register that Edward might have been found. I didn't feel when my dad set me on the couch and I didn't notice when Rose, Alice and Esme made their way back into the living room. I also didn't notice when the clock said it was 9 o clock. What I did notice was when my phone rang. I nearly jumped to the sky to reach it. Everyone in the room had gathered around me and I could tell they were holding there breath.

I wanted to answer the phone but my body froze. I didn't want to answer it and get bad news. I guess I thought that if I just didn't answer it, it would go away and it wouldn't be bad news. "Bella answer the phone." Esme nearly pleaded with me. I was reminded then that this wasn't just about me. That they were waiting just as I was and hoping for the best. I mustered up as much strength as I could and opened the phone. I turned the speaker on and was greeted by Isaac's voice.

"They found them. They know were they are and were headed up there now to work on getting them out." Isaac sounded so excited I almost feel for it. Everyone around me erupted into joyous shouts and cheers. Tears were running down every ones face. I waited for everyone to calm down to ask the one question I knew would have everyone on edge.

"Found who Isaac? Who did they find?" I felt myself holding my breath for his answer.

"They've been communicating with Emmett and he says he has Jasper." At the sound of their names Alice and Rose let out sobs they were trying desperately to hold in.

"And the civilian? Who is it?" Esme said for me. Our eyes met and I could see my own heartbreak mirrored back to me.

"Her name is Hannah." Though I knew it wasn't gonna be that easy it still hurt not to hear him say Edwards name.

"Wait so wheres Edward?" Alice asked.

"I don't know." Isaac replied.

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**I think this is tha fastest i have ever updated....lol well i hpe u all liked this chapter n lyk always i hpe u will tell me so in a reveiw. hpefulli i can keep it going n have tha next chapter out soon.**

**Much love**

**-Tink-**


	10. Chapter 10

**O wow r u kidding me....another update! I cant beleive it lol. Anyway hpe u all lyk it!**

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Chapter 10

_Everything has been figured out, except how to live. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre_

_EMPOV_

"Well almost." Edward corrected himself. "Wait a minute were not dead." "Well I'm dead. I don't know about you but seeing as how your talking to me id say its not too good for you." Tommy said. "So were not dead?" I said pointing to myself and Edward. He shook his head and said "Your almost dead." "What's the difference?" I said. "The difference is that you still have a chance. A not so big chance but hey, right now is not the time to be Mr. pick and choose." Tommy said while Edward laughed along with him.

"Why are you two so happy about this? Were dead. Why is that something to laugh about?" I said getting a little upset. "Almost." Edward corrected me. I glared at him till he looked away obviously trying to stifle a smile. "And were not happy. Were not even here. This is just a figment of your imagination so blame yourself. Were in your head." Tommy said. "You guys are bad at this guiding me to heaven thing." I said pulling myself into a sitting position and mentally smiling when I didn't feel pain.

"So what do we do now? Where's the big white light were supposed to walk in?" I said looking around me. "There isn't one. Like I said your not dead." Edward told me. "Ok I get it, I'm not dead yet. Why do you keep saying it?" "Just making sure you know." Edward said. I gave him a look that said he was clearly out of his mind. "Besides you don't wanna go through the light just yet." Tommy said coming to sit closer to me.

"So what do we do, just sit here?" I asked. "No. You don't have to. You can leave if you want." Tommy said. "What do you mean?" I asked confused. "He means that you don't have to stay here. You could go back there." "And how would I do that?" I asked. "You just have to want it bad enough." Edward said. "I do." I said as though it should have been the easiest thing to guess.

"No you don't." Tommy said. I pulled my attention back to him as he said "You gave up, remember. Just as you were about to be saved, you just gave up." I was immediately offended and drew in a breath to defend myself but instead what came out was "How do you know that?" "I'm in your head remember. I'm just saying what you already know." Feeling the need to be a smartass I countered with "If I know it already then why are we sitting here talking about it?"

"Agian im in your head....you must wanna talk about it." He said shrugging his shoulders. "No I dont." I said through clenched teeth. "Okay well what do you wanna talk about?" Edward asked. "I want you to tell me how to get the hell outa here." I nearly shouted. "We already told you." Edward said. I could feel the anger boiling inside me. They were getting on my nerves and giving me a huge headache. I made a mental note to tell them just how bad at this they were when I get outa here. But then that reminded me. "Arent you dead Tommy?" He nodded his head one time as though he knew I was about to ask that.

"Im sorry. I should have stayed." Was all I could say before I looked away from him in shame. "You want me to tell you my truth or your truth which I guess you could say is my truth because I am in your head with your thoughts or woulld you rather me tell you what you wanna hear." A little confused I said "Your truth." I was still looking away from him when he answerd. "Its not your fault. Simple as that." He said. "How could you say that. I could have done so much more to get you outa here. But I didnt. I was too preoccupied with saving my own ass." I said. "No you were to preoccupied trying to save Jaspers ass. And you did good. Hes still alive, and helps on the way. But after that hes on his own."

"Hes hurt pretty bad." I said. "You know Jazz, hes stronger than us three put together and thats really saying something. He'll get through it. He has too much to live for." Id almost forgot that Edward was there. He had been so quiet while me and Tommy were having our conversation. "And so do you." Tommy said pulling me back to what I guess you could call my temporary reality. "Thats why I need you to tell me how to get out of here." I said feeling the anger coming back. "And we told you." Edward said. "Yea well that didnt really help." "Thats because your not listening. You have to want it bad enough." Edward said.

"Trust me I want it." I told him. "No you dont." Tommy said. "How do you know? Nevermind dont answer that." I said not wanting him to tell me he was in my head again. "Look at me Emmett." Edward said. I pulled my attention to him and was taken aback by how close he was. I hadnt heard him get up. "What." I said. "You dont want it." I was beginnig to argue when he held his hand up to silence me. "You stopped fighting. You didnt want it anymore. You were laying there with so much pain that it was all you saw. You didnt think of Rose, Abby,Josh or anybody else. You just wanted the pain to go away." "Wouldnt you?" I yelled.

"Yes." "Then why are you yelling at me for it." I yelled. "Im trying to get you to realize the truth." Edward said surprising me by yelling back. "You sit here and tell me you want it but in your heart you dont. You dont wanna go back there because you dont wanna feel the pain anymore. Im trying to make you understand that theres not much time left and you need to really want to go back and face the pain and the possibility of losing it all. Because thats what could happen. You could go back only to have nothing left. But you have to beleive that someone or something is waiting for you. That needs you."

"Josh and Abby" I muttered. "Yea Josh and Abby and Rose and Alice and Mom..Do I need to go on Emmett? You have something worth going back to. You better hurry, before its to late." "What do I have to do?" I asked. "Admit it." Tommy said. I knew what he was talking about but it seemed to hard to make the words come out of my mouth. "Admit what?" I said instead. "Admit that you gave up. That you didnt want it anymore." Edward said. I took a moment to try and force them out but instead said "Why arent you going back?" "Its not me were talking about. Stop trying to change the subject and say the words Emmett. The faster you say them the sooner you get to leave.

I knew what he was saying was right but I still couldnt get the words to get free of the lump in my throat. The simple words were hard to say. It was like I was admitting to giving up on my family and to wanting to leave them. But I had wanted that. Thats the whole reason we were having this conversation. So why couldnt I say them? Those three small simple words should have been easy for me yet they werent. "Are you gonna leave?" I asked Edward, wanting to know and trying to change the subject at the same time. He gave up arguring with me and said instead "I dont know Emmett, thats up to you." "What do you mean?" I asked confused. "Do you want me to come back?" "Of course I do?" I said.

"Then say the words. Just say the damn words Emmett. Before its too late for both of us." "What are you talking about Edward? I dont even know where you are, how could I help you." The words where hard to say but they were true. I didnt know where he was and I sure couldnt help him even if I wanted too. "You know where I am Emmett." Edward said. I hadnt realized Tommy had gone until I looked around and noticed it was just me and Edward. "No I dont Edward." "Yes you do." Edward said. Instead of argueing with him, instinct took over and I asked "Where are you Edward." "Im right here Emmett, now say the words. We dont have alot of time left." I realized he was getting harder to see. Almost as if he were a ghost. "Say the words Em." Echoed through my mind as Edwrad continued to dissapear. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and whispered "I gave up."

It was as though my whole body had beed electricuted. Within seconds my whole body ached like before. The pain was back. The noise in my ear was back. I felt joy at that. I could hear my heartbeat again. It was faster than normal but it was there. Which meant I was alive. "You cant do that to me Emmett." Jasper said from above me. He was still trapped but I was close enough to him that he could do CPR. He plopped back down on the ground, letting out a gush of air. He picked up the radio and said "I gotem back. Hes alive. Barely." Officer Briggs responded with "Good. Were on our way down to you now. If you listen hard enough you might even be able to hear us." Silence. We could hear the faint noises of men talking and debris being moved out of the way.

I wanted to laugh but my throat was too sore. Instead I just layed there. "Thats gotta be the best sound I heard in a while." Jasper said in his southern accent. He looked over to me and said "If you ever die on me agian im gonna kill you." "Thats kinda chessy you know." My voice was all raspy and weak. It didnt sound like my own. Jasper laughed and said "I just had to do CPR on you, im allowed to be chessy. You shouldnt talk. Your still kinda blue." "How long was I out?" I asked, ignoring his advice. "Not long. A few minutes maybe." I noticed that Jaspers voice was strained. "You still trapped?" I asked.

"Yea. The rocks are to heavy." He said gloomily. Jasper loved his job. He loved being able to help people so his legs meant alot to him. By the tone of his voice I could tell he had givin up on trying to save them. "Hey..your gonna be fine. Theyll get you outa here." I said trying to comfort him. "Thats not what im worried about Em. And you really should relax. I dont think ill be able to do CPR again." Again ignoring his advice I said "Theyll be able to save your legs Jazz. Dont give up. Trust me you dont wanna do that." The words seemed to rush out my mouth without me thinking about them. When they came so did the memory of Edward and Tommy. _You know where I am Emmett. _His words spinned through my head. I didnt understand what he meant. I had absolutely no clue where he was. _Im right here._ The words seemed to take over my whole mind and I didnt notice when Jasper was talking to me.

"Em?" He yelled. "Yea." I said weaker than I meant. "You cant keep doing that to me." He said in a sigh. "Sorry." I said regretting that I hadnt taken his advice earlier. I was starting to get tired again. "I can hear them getting closer." Jazz whisperd. "We gotta get Edward outa here." I said. At the sound of his name Jazzs head snapped up. "What are you talking about?" "Hes here." I whispered. "Well of course hes here thats the whole reason were here." He said. "No I mean hes close." "How do you know?" Jazz asked with only a little glint of hope in his voice. "I can feel him. Hes running out of time and hes hurt really bad." I replaced the word see with feel because I didnt want Jazz to think I was crazy.

"Are you sure your ok Em? Maybe you should take a rest." "We both know if I do we dont know if im coming back." I said. "Well you talking like this is kinda weird." "But I know it Jazz. I no hes here. And if we dont get to him hes not gonna make it." I said. "Even if he was here how are we gonna get to him Em? Im trapped you just died and theres no one else here. Even if you wanted to you wouldnt be able to. Half your body is broken Em." "Well I cant just sit here knowing hes gonna die." I yelled. "And you think I can. I cant save both of you Em and I dont think CPR will help this time." He yelled back.

We were letting the frustration get to us. Neither of us wnated to leave without him but there wasnt much we could do. The sound of the men above us was getting closer and in a way I was sad. They would get us out of here but Edward wouldnt be with us. Hed still be down here somewhere fighting for his life. _Im right here._ His final words to me floated throughout my head as I tried to decipher them. I didnt understand what he had meant. He wasnt anywhere near me. I climbed through the rubble with Hannah on my back and saw no sign of him. What if I passed right over him? What if I had the chance to save him but I just wasnt paying attention? I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head hopeing and praying that it wasnt true.

I winced when I felt the pain. I finally examined myself and was surprised when I noticed that I looked just as bad as I felt. My head, my arms, shoulders, legs, back, chest. It all felt like it was on fire. I wanted to close my eyes against the pain and forget about it but I could feel the throbbing of my pulse throughout my whole body. "You really think hes here?" Jazz said pulling me away from the pain. "Yea." I whispered. Jasper looked at me and said "You dont look to good." "Yea well I dont feel so good either. Hows Hannah?" I asked. "I dont know shes still asleep. I tried waking her but she wont wake up. Shes still breathing though." "Good. Thats good." Was all I could say.

"Jazz, Em? You guys doing ok down there?" Officer Briggs asked over the radio. Jasper picked it up and said "Truthfully not so much. The smoke from all the fires is making it hard to breath. And were all hurt pretty bad." "Hows Hannah?" He asked. "I dont know. Shes still unconcious." Jazz said. "Ok well were almost there. Just hang on." "How long?" Jazz asked. "Whatd you mean?" Officer Briggs responded. "How long till you get to us?" "About 30 minutes maybe." Me and Jazz laid in silence for a few minutes. In less than 30 minutes we'd be free. We'd be able to see our family again. The feeling was too much to describe. My heart exploded with joy and silent tears made there way down my face. I was crying a little too much for my liking today.

"Were going home Em." Jazz whispered. The words left my mouth before I had a chance to think about them. "Edwards not." Jazz was quiet, all joy in the air replaced with sorrow and sadness. I hadnt meant for the words to be spoken but they just came out. I dont know how long we sat there mourning. I had this unsettling feeling in me that was screaming at me not to leave. Edwards words made there way around my head and as if responding to them I felt my body sinking. I was still laying next to Jazz but it felt as though something was pulling me down.

"I think Edwards below us." I said into the darkness. "How?" "I dont know. I just have a feeling. I think its him." I said. "Jasper? Emmett?" Officer Briggs voice was right above us. I tried to yell but was overwhelmed by another coughing fit that again ended in blood. Instead Jazz yelled "YEA WERE RIGHT HERE." "Ok we just have this last peice of debris to move and we'll be able to get to you." Jasper laughed. "Thats the best news i've heard all day." "What about you Emmett? You feeling ok?" Officer Briggs asked me. I took a minute to wait until my chest stopped aching and answerd "No, not really." I said truthfully. "Ok well were almost to you. Dont worry."

How could he ask me not to worry. Edward was still down here and Jasper was pinned. Not to mention Hannah was still unconcious. Worry was all I had right now. It didnt take Officer Briggs and some other guys long to move the peice of debris that was kepping them from us. Once they got through they hurridy put Hannah on a strecher and sent her up. She still hadnt woken up. They wanted me to go next but I refused. Half because Jazz needed more help than me and half because I still felt like I couldnt leave. I still had that feeling that was drawing me downward.

A few men were able to get the rocks off Jazz and got him on the strecher. "I love you bro." He said as they were lifting him upward. "I love you to." I said. "Ok your turn". Officer Briggs said. "Wait." I said. This time it wasnt because I didnt want to go. I heard something. I looked up at Officer Briggs with a panicked expression. The fire had caused the debris we were on to shift. With a loud thundering noise we went down. _This cant be happening again._ I yelled in my head. Thankfully it wasnt that big of a fall and it stopped before I could yell. Officer Briggs was still next to me.

"You guys ok?" A guy yelled from above. "Yea were fine." He yelled back. "Good. It wasnt that big of a fall so it wont take us long to get to you. Maybe 10 minutes or so. They got the fire taken care of." "OK good." Briggs yelled back breathless. "That was scary." He whispered. "Dont worry im used to it." I mumbled. Briggs laughed and took another deep breath to calm himself. Instinct told me to look around. I could barley see through the darkness but when I squinted I almost cried at what I saw.

"EDWARD" I yelled.

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**AHH wats gonna happen lol....hpefulli I can keep it up and have tha nxt chapter out soon. Thanks 2 all of you who hav read.**

**Much love**

**-Tink-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everybody sorri it took me so long with this chapter but i had a busy week...anyway i hpe u all lyk it! **

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Chapter 11

_I guess that's how death works. It doesn't matter if we're ready or not. It just happens.– Randy K. Milholland, "Something Positive"_

EMPOV

"Its Edward! Its Edward! I gotta help him!" I yelled and tried my hardest to get up but the pain was to much and I plopped back down. "Emmett! Emmett! Calm down before you hurt yourself more." Officer Briggs said holding my shoulders down. "Its my brother. You gotta help him. Please help him." I begged. "Don't worry. I'm gonna do all I can." He said.

"Matt, I got another one. He's pretty bad." Briggs yelled up. "Alright were gonna get more equipment down here. You still ok down there?" "Yea but these two are doing so good." He said looking from me to Edward. "Ok were almost there. Just a few more minutes." Officer Briggs left my side to help Edward. The adrenalin in my body was pumping so fast it got rid of the pain for a little while.

Edward was unconscious and had debris laying over his whole body. Blood was making its way out of his head to form a pool around him. He looked like a scene out of a horror movie. For a second I wondered if he would be able to be fixed. But Carlisle was the best doctor I had ever seen and he would make sure that his son was ok. Briggs started unpiling the debris from on top of him and as he did it only got worse. Edward was bloody everywhere and in a few place his bones stuck out at odd angles.

"I don't wanna move him until the crew get here. He's messed up pretty bad. I don't wanna make it worse." Briggs said as he crawled back over to me. "How you holding up?" "I'm fine. Just help Edward." I said. The truth was that I wasn't fine. The pain started to make its way back to me and my chest was getting tight and hard for me to breath.

It didn't take the crew long to get to us. We all agreed that Edward needed help first so they worked to get the rocks off of him. They had a paramedic with them who checked his vital signs and made it known that they needed to get him out of there fast. I felt like I wasn't really there. Like I was watching all this happen from a distance. I still hadn't gotten over the shock of actually finding him. But I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Edward still had a battle to fight all his own. One that I couldn't help him with.

There were only a few men in the little space but they were moving like lightning. Before long they were able to get all the debris off of him. He looked so fragile and broken that I had to shut my eyes as they lifted his nearly lifeless body from the ground. He was bloody and bruised from his face all the way down to his toes. I could hear them strapping him in the stretcher. There were tons of men above us yelling that they were ready for him to be sent up. As Edward was handed over it got silent for a second. Only a second. "Ok Emmett. Now it really is your turn." Officer Briggs said to me.

He and a few others helped me up and put me on the stretcher. It hadn't felt like a long time since Briggs got to us but I could tell that it had been because as the men lifted me further up I could see daylight. My eyes had become so adjusted to the darkness that I had to squint against the light. I keep my eyes closed the whole way down. Mostly because I didn't want to see the disaster in front of me just yet. As I was passed from hand to hand people congratulated me and told me how happy they were that I was alive. I didn't understand why they were congratulating me. I hadn't done anything worthy of it.

I finally did open my eyes when I heard the paramedic say we were clear to go to the hospital. The loud sirens scared me and I jumped. "Whoa be careful. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself anymore now would we." A women said to me. She looked to be about in her early 30s and had short brown hair. "I'm Melinda." She said as she started and Iv. "Emmett." I responded, to weak to say anything else. "Well Emmett. Were gonna get you to a hospital. Your banged up pretty bad and there's no tellin if you got internal bleeding. Its amazing you survived." She said. "What about the others?" I asked. "The ones that were brought out before you?" I nodded my head. "Their headed to the hospital too. Ill be honest, there not doing to good." Her words were like knives stabbing into my already bleeding wounds.

We couldn't have fought this hard just to not even have a chance. I felt guilty. If I wasn't in here Jazz would have never come in after me. He would be safe and home with his family. Tommy would still be alive. I didn't even know where the rest of my guys where. So much guilt overflowed me that I cosed my eyes hoping that it would go away and everything would be ok. It didn't work. The whole ride to the hospital all I could think about was how big of a mess Id made.

I was pulled back to reality when the paramedics pulled me out of the ambulance. About four doctors and nurses rushed over to me and Melinda started filling them in on what was wrong with me. Most of the stuff I couldn't understand. They were all doctor terms and suddenly I wished Carlisle was there with me. As though he could hear my thoughts Carlisle suddenly appeared in front of me. "Son, are you ok?" His voice sounded scared and excited all at once. "Dad" I muttered. "Your gonna be ok Em. Just hang in there. There gonna make you better." I felt like I was five again and was being taken to the doctors for the flu or for breaking my arm when I fell out a tree.

Carlisle followed us all the way into the cubical that they put me in. There were people everywhere. Running in and out. Stabbing me with needles and hooking me up to all these strange machines. "Whats going on?" I asked Carlisle. "There just hooking you up to a heart monitor and trying to determine how bad your injuries are." Carlisle said. "How bad is it?" I asked. "I don't know yet. There gonna run some tests and do some x rays ok." The only thing I could do was nod. I was so tired. As Carlisle sat by my side another doctor rushed in. "Carlisle, we just got the results of Edwards MRI back. He has multiple large contusions that will have to be surgically removed but since his wife is not here were gonna need you to sign the papers."

Carlisle grabbed the clipboard quickly and scribbled his name. His hands were shaking horribly. "Who's gonna perform the surgery? I want Morisson. Hes the best. Hes the one to do it." Carlisle said. "We've already paged him. Hes on his way now but there's no telling how long Edwards gonna make it. That's not the only serious injury he has. His chest was nearly crushed in. If Morisson cant get here in time, there's nothing we can do." The doctor responded. Before Carlisle could get a chance to respond he spoke again "Braddic is gonna start the surgery until Morisson can get here." Carlisle seemed pleased with the information and just nodded his head. The doctor began to exit the room.

"If you can, check on Jasper for me. They wont let me in there." He nodded his head and hastily left the room. "Whats a contusion? Why aren't you doing the surgery?" I asked in a panicked rush. Carlisle looked at me with sad eyes and said "It means that parts of his brain are bruised and bleeding and I cant do the surgery because I'm too close to him and my mind is kind of racing right now. I'm not fit to do any surgery right now." "Does that mean hes gonna die?" I asked choking on the words. "I don't know son. Without the surgery there's no hope but even with the surgery there could still be complications. If their really bad they can cause the brain to swell and the person could slip into a coma." I knew Carlisle didn't want to put Edwards name in that sentence because it seem way to real and possible. Somehow not saying his name in the same sentence made it impossible to believe.

Me and Carlisle sat there with our thoughts until the doctor came back in. As soon as he did Carlisle nearly jumped out of the chair. The doctor held up a hand to stop Carlisle. "No Carlisle you should sit." He said. I felt my heart sink. Were we ever going to relax today. Carlisle reluctantly did as he was told. "Its not good Carlisle. For either of them." Carlisle ran a hand through his hair and I began to feel the effects of the morphine I was given. I willed myself to stay awake for at least a few more minutes. "Ill start with Jasper. He has a lot of cuts and bruises but the most serious injury goes to his legs. The bone in them was almost entirely crushed. We can try to piece it back together but we don't know if he'll ever walk again. We can try but there's no promises. And that'll be dangerous too. If something goes wrong in surgery we would have to remove both his legs."

I tried my hardest to stay awake but the morphine was just too strong. My eyes began to droop and my mind became hazed. "Edwards far worse. His injuries are more severe. He has multiple large contusions that are bleeding kind of heavily. Hes just about to go into surgery for that in a few minutes. He has several broken ribs which is making it hard for him to breath and we fear that they could punture a major organ like his heart or lungs. Obviously the most serious is the brain injury but we cant get any farther until we take care of that first. If we can take care that." I heard the doctor take a few steps and imagined his hand on Carlisles shoulder, comforting him. "As a friend Carlisle, I'm telling you that you should call your family and get them up here now. It might be the last time all of you are together."

Hearing the doctor say that he thought they weren't going to make it was hard. It felt like nothing in the world was right anymore. I was scared to fall into the darkness of sleep because when or if I woke up I wouldn't know if I had both of my brothers alive. Finally but reluctantly, I gave into the darkness and was overcome by nothing but a dark empty feeling that made my skin crawl.

**Carlisle POV**  
I was completely exhausted. I hadn't been home in over 48 hours and hadn't eaten much either. But the news that my sons were found and on their way here made me forget about all that. I had performed over 10 surgery's today and I wasn't in any position to do another. My eyes were drooping and I couldn't keep focus. As I sat there next to Emmett's sleeping but broken body I wondered what the end of today would bring.

"Carlisle Edwards about to go into surgery." I jumped at the sound of Doctor Maddens voice. "Doctor Braddic told me to come find you. Do you want to see him before he goes back?" He asked. I got up quickly but stopped in my tracks and looked back at Emmett. I couldn't leave him here like this but I couldn't let Edward go in there alone. "Don't worry. Ill call the nurse and tell her to sit with him until you get back." I hesitantly walked behind him as the nurse made her way into the room. "How is he?" I asked, surprised that my voice cracked. "Honestly Carlisle, not good. We've only just got him stable enough to do the surgery. Hes not breathing on his own and if we cant get to the contusions in time, hes not gonna make it."

Somehow the words seemed unreal. As we walked through the hospital in silence my thoughts went to Esme. My sweet Esme. Her heart would be broken if any of them didn't make it out of here. I stopped where I was and Doctor Madden looked back at me confused. I didn't say anything, I just pulled out my phone and dialed the number as fast as I could. Esme answered on the first ring. "Hello? Oh Carlisle they found them. They found Emmett and Jasper." I could tell she was crying and I could sense the hope in her voice. I felt guilty for having to be the one to tell her this, "I know Esme. There here." Esme began crying harder and I could tell she had a smile on her face. I felt even guiltier. Before she had the chance to bombard me with questions I interrupted her. "Esme listen to me. Its not good. Get the family here now." There was silence as Esme took in the panic in my voice.

"Carlisle whats wrong?" Esme asked. I could here commotion in the background as everyone crowded around the phone. "Just get here sweetheart. Please" I begged. "Should we bring the kids?" She asked. I could hear the fear. Bringing the kids meant that they might have to say goodbye. "Yea Esme. You should bring them." I said closing my eyes. Esme was silent again and I felt like an idiot. I could feel the emotions flowing through her body and all of a sudden I wanted to cry. "OK." Was all she said. I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket. "How long do you think its going to take them to get here?" Madden asked. "I don't know. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes." I said. "We cant wait that long Carlisle." "I know." I said as we began walking again.

He lead me down a bunch of hallways that Id been down a thousand other times but this time they looked foriegn and out of place. Like they had somehow changed and I couldnt tell them apart. When we finally got to the room where Edward was I had to stop outside the door and take a deep breath. I needed to be calm and let him know that we were waiting for him. But I didnt know if I could. Edward was my son. Seeing him broken and bleeding would push me past my limits and I wasnt sure if I would be able to keep it together. But I had too. I couldnt let him go into a surgery that could kill him alone. I kept telling myself it was for my son and finally gathered the courage to go in.

Almost immediately I wanted to go back. I wanted to turn around and forget what I saw. He was lying in the bed with alot of machines hooked up to him. I didn't have time to take in what kind of machines but I could hear the heart monitor beeping unsteadily. I forced myself to walk over to his bedside and picked up his swollen hand. That was it for me. Feeling his broken body was too much. I felt the tears before I could stop them. The sobs took me by surprise and before I knew it I was begging Edward not to leave. I put my head in the crook of his neck and sobbed for him to come home. I begged and pleaded and hoped he could hear me. All my medical training went out the window and all I knew was that I was a father that could loose everything.

My sons were hurt and on the verge of death and I couldn't do anything to help them. I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to talk to them. My worst fears were closer than Id like them to be and I was defenseless. My heart broke a thousand times over and the sobs came heavier and heavier. I felt a hand on my back and looked to see Doctor Madden with tear filled eyes. "Its time for him to go Carlisle." I wanted to hold onto him but when I looked at his bloody, swollen body I knew I had to let him go. I got close enough to his ear without disrupting the ventilator machine and whispered "Were all here waiting for you to come back Edward. We love you so much. There gonna take care of you and your gonna be back here sooner than you think ok."

Doctors and nurses rushed him out of the room and I was left standing alone in the big white room that floors had been stained with Edwards blood. I couldn't move. I felt like I was tied to the floor and wasn't aloud to move. I don't know how long I was standing there but the voice over the PA system scared me and I jumped. "Doctor Carlisle Cullen please come to the waiting room on the 4th floor. Doctor Cullen to the 4th floor please." Esme must be here. Somehow it was easier to make my feet move this time and before I knew it I was running to the waiting room.

"Oh Carlisle!" Esme ran and jumped in my arms. I closed my eyes and savored the short moment and happiness it brought with it. "How are they?" She asked as she pulled back from me. I took her by the hand and sat her down in one of the chairs. "Carlisle your scaring me." "Could someone take the children for a second." I said. "I will." Charlie said taking a sleeping Lilly from Bella's arms. Once the children were safely out of sight the chaos began. Everyone was yelling at me and asking me questions. "Hey!" I yelled. They all became silent at once. "I wont lie to you all. Its not good. I don't know about all of their injuries but I am aware of the major ones." "How is he? How is Emmett?" Rosalie asked. She looked like she was ready to explode.

"As far as I know, hes not the worst. They did some x rays and other test but I didn't hear the results but when I left him he was sound asleep." Rosalie put a hand over her mouth and thanked God for letting Emmett come home. Esme let out a sigh and the smile on her face was only one a mother could pull off. She grabbed Rosalie by the hand and comforted her. "What about Jazz?" Alice asked. I didn't want to tell her this but I had to. "Jasper is worse. I was told he was trapped under a slab of rock and it damaged his legs pretty bad." "How bad?" She asked with worry and fear obvious on her face. "He could lose them both." Bella had to support Alice's small frame as she fell to the floor in sobs. I wanted to help her or at least tell her it would be ok.

I knew this would be the hardest but I turned to Bella and started to tell her the worst thing I could have ever told her. "Edwards much much worse than the other two." I didn't even get the sentence out before Bella interrupted me. "Wait Edwards here?" "I thought you knew." I said confused. "Well how is he?" She asked, her voice cracking. "Hes in surgery right now. It doesn't look to good." I had to jump up and grab her before she ran through the hospital looking for him. She struggled against my hold but then gave up completely and we sank to the floor with her sobs as the only sound around us. Through her cries I heard her say "Is he going to die?" The only response I could give her was "I don't know Bella honey. I don't know."

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**Finally we get to see Carlisle LOL...i hpe u guys lyk it and i hoe u will tell me so in a reveiw...thanx bunches**

**Much Love**

**-Tink-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everybody...i know its been awhile but ive been busy studying 4 finals and gymnastics practice and babysittin...anyway i was finally able 2 get this dne...hope u all lyk it!**

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Chapter 12

_You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu_

Bella POV

I couldn't believe what Carlisle was telling me. As I sat there in his arms crying my eyes out I thought of a life without Edward and felt my heart tearing at the edges. He was the only man in the world who I had given my heart too and if he died I was afraid he would take it with him and I would have nothing left. Nothing to give to my family. Nothing to give to my children. I cried harder as I thought of them. How was I supposed to tell them that daddy's was gone and that he wouldn't be back.

I couldn't break their hearts like that. They were the best things that had ever happened to me besides Edward and they didn't deserve to hurt like that. I didn't want to be the one to explain to them why daddy couldn't read to them anymore. Or why daddy couldn't just be with them anymore. My cries got louder and harder and the pain in my chest got bigger.

I could hear Esme next to me making the same sobbing noises that I was. I felt sorry for her but didn't have the time to acknowledge it because I was overcome by another round or sobs. I wanted to pull myself together but the thought of losing Edward was too real. It was too close. Carlisle's arms were wrapped so tight around me I could hear his heartbeat. I listened to it. It was so calming. I matched my breathing with the sound of his heart and was glad when I was able to take a breath without crying. It was shaky but it didn't make me cry.

Before I pulled away from him Carlisle asked me "Are you ready?" "Not even close." I said pulling away from him as Rose and Alice helped me to my feet and into the chair. Carlisle got up and sat across from me and Esme sat next to me and put her hand on my back. "How bad is he?" I asked. Carlisle hesitated. "Please Carlisle tell me the truth." I begged. He took a deep breath and began. "He was brought in after Jasper. He has multiple large contusions tha-" "Whoa Carlisle. Human talk." I said. "It means that parts of his brain are bruised and bleeding." I felt the wind gush out as if I had been hit in the stomach.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked slowly. "I don't know Bella. The ones he has are severe and could possibly cause permanent brain damage." It felt like he had more to say but was to scared, so I prompted him. "And?" "And possibly a coma." He said after hesitating a few times. I felt as though the world had stopped and I was stuck in that horrible moment forever. Even if his heart didn't stop beating I could still lose him. It felt as though I was being punished for something terrible that I had done in a past life maybe. Edward was my world. He was the only person I could have ever given my heart to and the possibility of losing him scared me beyond words.

I didn't have the chance to respond because a doctor walked through the door and cleared his throat to get our attention. I jumped to my feet and nearly tackled the doctor. "Is it Edward? Is he ok?" I said way too fast. We all rushed up to him at the same time and attacked him with questions. He held up a hand to silence us, and once we were quiet, began talking. "I'm guessing your Emmett Cullen's family." He said flashing a quick glance at Carlisle. Rose pushed her way through our family members until she was in front and said "Yes, I'm his wife." "Well Mrs. Cullen, I just got the results of Emmett's test back. He has a lot of burns from the debris but that can easily be taken care of. His left arm is broken, he has a concussion, some of his ribs are broken and a few fingers are too. And his lungs are full of ash but the most severe injury is a punctured lung from the broken ribs and some internal bleeding in his abdomen.

"Now all these things can be taken care of pretty easily but he has lost a lot of blood so some transfusions are more than likely going to take place." "But is he going to be ok?" Rose demanded. "So far I believe so. He has a lot of injuries but most of which are minor. Once we patch up his lung and clear the ash out and stop the bleeding, with a little bit of rehab for his arm he should be fine. We've inserted a chest tube and he should be getting prepped for surgery as we speak." The doctor said. "How bad is the puncture and the internal bleeding?" Carlisle asked in his doctor voice. The doctor replied "Not to bad. We've already began giving him oxygen and inserted a chest tube like I said and, if we can stop the bleeding, the surgery should go pretty smoothly also. Right now I expect Emmett to make a full recovery." The doctor said flashing each of us a smile that was meant to reassure us.

"Congratulations, this is the best news Ive been able to give a family all day." "Thank you so much." Esme said as she walked forward and embraced him in a hug. "Trust me, its my pleasure." "We don't even know your name." Alice said. "Doctor Hudson. Joe Hudson." He said to her. "Well Joe Hudson, thank you for saving my brother." Alice said as she to embraced him in a hug. she looked significantly smaller than she normally was compared to him. "It was the least I could do. Compared to what he did, going into the buildings like that, I'm glad I'm able to do my little part."

"To us its not that little." Rose said. Doctor Hudson flashed us a smile before exiting the room. "Tell me the truth Carlisle, whats gonna happen if they cant stop the bleeding?" Rose asked as soon as the doctor was gone. Carlisle seemed to be taken by surprise but gathered himself together and said "It depends on how bad the bleeding is. If its severe and uncontrolled he could go into shock, and if resuscitation and transfusions don't work he could die." "Do you think he will?" Rose asked. "I don't know Rose. They wont let me see there charts and they wont let me back there with them. When I saw him he didn't seem that bad but he was on a lot of morphine, it could have been hiding."

"The doctor seemed pretty positive Rose." I said trying to comfort her. I could see the tears in her eyes as she walked over to me and hugged me tight. "Edwards just as much a brother to me as Emmett and Jasper are to you. We all have to believe that there gonna come home to us." She whispered in my ear. I hugged her back as the tears left my eyes yet again. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore unless I had to. Suddenly it seemed necessary. "I'm scared to. For all of them." Her voice cracked and I imagined the tears spilling over onto my shirt.

I don't know how long we stood there just taking in the comfort of each others presence but after awhile we sat down. The room was silent as we sat there engulfed in our own thoughts and fears. Nobody talked or even moved for that matter. Hyper little Alice didn't even move as we sat there. It was so hard trying to comfort everyone at once when you yourself needed the comfort. "I'm gonna go help Charlie with the kids sweetheart." My mom said. She kissed me on the forehead and gave me one of those be strong faces before leaving the room. I watched her leave and wondered what was going through her mind. My mom was usually always doing something but today I kept forgetting she was there.

"We should go check on the kids." Alice said a few minutes later. I didn't really hear what she said but I got up and followed her and Rose anyway. We walked down a few hallways before we came to the one that my mom and dad had the kids in. They were all snuggled against my parents with tired looks. Ashlynn's eyes lit up as soon as she saw Alice. "Mommy" She yelled as she jumped into Alice's waiting arms. Alice hugged her tight for a moment before kissing her hair and setting her lightly back on the ground. "Wheres daddy?" Ashlynn asked, her little eyes full of fear and wonder.

"Daddys a little sick right now. Hes with the doctors and there gonna try to make him better so he can come back home." Alice said kneeling down so that she was face to face with Ash. "Is he gonna be ok?" Ash asked. "Mommy dosent know." Alice said pulling Ash down in her lap. "Whats wrong wif uncle Jazzy?" Lilly said as she hoped off my dad and walked sleepily over to me. Automatically I picked her up and she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

"You seem sleepy honey. Maybe we should take you home." I said trying to avoid the questions I had no answers to. "I don't wanna go home, I wanna see daddy." Lilly protested. "Daddy's with the doctors right now too." I said cautiously. "Is daddy sick too mommy?" "Yea honey. daddy's sick to." I sighed. "Is he gonna be ok?" Sammy asked as he too hopped off the chair and came to stand by me. I copied Alice's move and bent down so I could see his beautiful green eyes that reminded me of Edwards and make my heart ache even more. I decided I didn't want to hide anything from them because if we did have to say goodbye, I didn't want it to take them by surprise.

"Daddy's hurt really bad. The doctors are doing everything to help him, but we don't know if hes gonna be ok." I said looking both of my beautiful children in the face. "Whats gonna happen if hes not ok?" Lilly asked. Before I had the chance to respond Sammy said "He goes to Heaven." "Whats Heaben Mommy?" I smiled at her pronunciation but was sorrowed at the meaning behind them. This was the hardest conversation I would ever have to have with my children and my heart began to crumble.

I didn't know how to explain it to them so I took a deep breath and said what I felt was right. "If the doctors cant help make daddy better...then that means he cant be here anymore...It means that he cant come home with us." "For how long?" Lilly asked. "For a very long time baby." I said. "But what if we don't want daddy to go?" Sammy asked. I could feel the tears welling up and threatening to spill over. "Unfortunately baby, we don't have a say." I said, my voice cracking.

"But if we tell daddy not to go to Heaben then he wont. He'll listen to us." Lilly said. "I'm sorry honey, we cant see daddy right now. The doctors are trying to help him, remember?" I said, letting the tears spill down my cheeks. "But what if he thinks we don't want him here? What if he goes away and doesn't love us anymore?" Sammy said. I put both my hands on his face and said "No matter what happens to daddy, he will always love you. That will never change. Not in two hours, two years, or two hundred years. Never." Sammy collapsed against me with small sobs.

I hugged him close and pulled Lilly into my arms as she too started to cry. I cried with them. I had forgotten anyone else was in the room until I heard someone let out a small sob then exit the room. I couldn't look up to see who it was. My eyes were welded shut only letting out the tears. My face was buried between the brown untidiness of Sammy's hair and the bronze curls of Lilly's. Sammy's heart broken sobs made the tears run faster down my eyes. I felt someones hand on my back but didn't look up to see who it was.

"Bella honey? Let me take the kids." Esme's voice was suddenly in my ear. Her soft motherly tone calmed me only a little. I was still too aware of the two tiny children in my arms that were aching more than words would allow them too. There bodies shook with sobs and I tried to pull them closer as if leaving any space between us would kill us all. "Come on Bella honey." Esme said again. I shook my head and clung to my children. I wouldn't allow them to be ripped from me too. "Bella please. The doctors here." My head snapped up easier than I would have thought. I realized then that I needed to be a mother and pull myself together. Or at least not break down like this in front of them again.

I met Esme's red rimmed eyes and saw the doctor standing behind her next to Carlisle. "Hey, look at me." I told them. They pulled their heads up to look at me. "Its ok. Mommy's fine." I said trying to ease some of their worry. "Grandmas gonna take you and mommy's gonna talk to grandpa for a little while ok?" I said. They nodded their heads and Esme picked up Lilly and took Sammy's hand and led them out of the room. "Renee? Charlie? Would you mind taking Ash, Abby, and Josh out too?" Carlisle said as he and the doctor walked forward. My parents did as Carlisle asked and led the kids behind Esme.

"What is it Carlisle?" Alice asked before the door was even closed. "This is Doctor Madden. He's looked over all three of the boys files." "Hi. Obviously we all know why im here. Ive looked over all of there files and thought I would share some things with you. I don't know if you know or not but both Edward and Emmett are already in surgery." We all nodded our heads in response. "Ive checked in on them and Emmett's surgery is going fabulous. When I left they were getting prepared to close him up."

Rose let out a sigh and cried tears of happiness. Me and Alice put or arms around our sister and let her know how happy we were for her. "What about Jasper?" Alice asked as she pulled away. "Jasper hasn't gone into surgery yet. They cant take him in until they can get the swelling down in his legs, but once they do that, he'll be able to go into surgery." The worry still didn't go from Alice's eyes. "How long do you think that will be?" She asked. "From the looks of it, not that long. His legs looked significantly smaller but they still aren't there yet." The doctor responded.

"So once they get him into surgery, that's it? He'll be fine?" Alice asked. "It depends on how the surgery goes but the worst case scenario right now is that he loses his legs." At least he would be alive. I looked over and saw that Alice was thinking the same thing I was. "All that leaves is Edward." Carlisle prompted the doctor. I felt the relieve wash out of my system and be replaced by fear. "Edward is by far the worst off. I wont lie to you. Not only does his brain require surgery but so does his chest. The broken ribs are in danger of piercing a major organ and could cause him to bleed out."

I tried to keep a handle on myself long enough to ask questions. "What could happen if something goes wrong in surgery?" I asked. "He could lose his memory or lose his mechanical skills, like walking, talking. Those sort of things. Its likely he could go into a coma also." I tried to make sense of his words but they just didn't make sense to me. "His surgery is going to take longer I'm afraid, because they want to make sure they fix his chest while their in there so they wont have that to worry about anymore." The doctor said, pulling my attention back to him. "Will he make it?" I asked. "Right now Mrs. Cullen, its about a 50/50 chance. The decisions really up to him."

My head was spinning so much from the doctors word that I forgot where I was and my head began to swim. I sat down and rubbed my temple from the migraine that was forming. "Are you ok?" They all asked together. I winced at the sound of their voices. It seemed like they were screaming. "I'm fine. Just a migraine." I managed to say. "Ill get you some water." Carlisle said as he left the room. "Here, I have some Aspirin." Rose said handing me the pills. Once Carlisle was back I took them and tried to steady myself. "How much longer do you think it will be?" I asked.

"A few more hours maybe."The doctor said with gentle eyes. I nodded and took another drink of water. I laid my head against the wall, preparing for my long wait but was overcome by the darkness of sleep. I don't know how long it lasted but I woke up to someone shaking my shoulder. When I finally opened my eyes I was met by Alice's. "Edwards out of surgery." I didn't make sense of her words yet. I looked around the room and said "Wheres Rose?" "Emmett got out awhile ago, did you hear me? Edwards out of surgery." Alice said in a rush. When my mind was finally able to make her words fit together, I felt overjoyed and felt the tears run down my cheeks. I tried to jump out of the seat but was forced back down when the room started whirling then disappeared all together.

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**Hes finally out of surgery! lol anyway plz tell me wat u all think...as always i am very grateful that you all took the time 2 read it**

**Much Love**

**-Tink-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys n gals lol...i no its been awhile since i last updated but i have another chapter 4 u guys lol...hpe u all lyk!**

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Chapter 13

_A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. ~Stewart Alsop_

"Slow down. He's not going anywhere." Alice said and helped me back up. She helped me walk out the door and down the long hallways. She finally let me go when we stopped in front of a door. The look on her face turned from relieve to worry. "They wont let us in there. Just you right now." She whispered. "Ill let you know how he's doing." I reassured her. I took two long, deep breaths and opened the door. The first thing that caught my attention was all the noise. There were so many machines hooked up to him that I couldn't recognize most of them.

Then I looked at him. Really looked at him. He looked awful. The bandage was wrapped all the way around his head and underneath his eyes were a deep purple. He had bruises all down his body. His face, his arms. Almost every visible part of him was covered in bruises. I swallowed the fear that was building up inside of me and pulled up a chair by his bed. He looked so fragile that I didn't want to touch him. I settled for holding his hand, hoping that it wouldn't hurt him much. The steady sound of the ventilator breathing for him scared me.

It reminded me that he was to fragile to breathe for himself. I tried my hardest to keep the tears away but they seemed to have a mind of their own as they flowed down my face. I wasn't expecting the sobs. They surprised me as my body shook in time with them. The conversation with my kids floated back into my head and gave fuel to the sobs that began to come harder. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him how much I love him and how much his kids love him. But nothing came out. I was silent except for my sobs.

I couldn't seem to make my voice work. I knew he needed me. I knew I needed him. But still nothing came out. I guess I still wasn't over the shock that he was really here. That I could touch him, feel him, see him, smell him. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed every one of his knuckles. I was savoring his presence. I was too close to losing him and having him back felt like I was dreaming. It didn't feel right. My mind was still trying to come around to the fact that he was here. I tried not to let myself get too happy. Just in case. We weren't out of the woods yet.

We still didn't know if he was the Edward that I woke up to this morning. Or yesterday morning. I lost track of the days. I couldn't imagine Edward not being able to care for himself. He was always so strong for the rest of us. It was nearly impossible to think of Edward as disabled. I chocked on a sob as I realized it was possible. How was I supposed to raise Sammy and Lilly and take care of Edward to. I wasn't as strong as he was. Is. Hes the one that deals with this kind of stuff. Not me.

I held his hand in mine and cried for all the memories we created. I hoped and pleaded that he would remember everything and that he would be able to be the best father and husband hes already been. I wanted to scream and yell at him to wake up and come back to me. I wanted to pull all these machines off of him and demand that he come home with me. I cried even harder because I couldn't. "Mrs. Cullen?" A mans voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw a man in a long white coat who I assumed was the doctor.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Morrison. I performed Edwards surgery." He said as he walked across the room to shake my hand. I took it in the hand that wasn't hanging on to Edward. "Hi." I mumbled. "I know this is a hard time for you and I'm sorry for that. As a doctor I assure you that I did my very best in surgery." I just nodded my head in response not really knowing where he was going with this. Sensing my hesitation he went on. "Just because I did my best Mrs. Cullen, doesn't mean that it worked. Your husband had a very difficult surgery and the contusions were a bit big. We were able to fix them but we don't know the amount of damage done to his brain yet." I kept nodding, hoping he wouldn't say what I feared most.

"He flat lined three times during surgery Mrs. Cullen." He said, bringing my attention back to him. "Flat lined?" I asked. "His heart stopped." The doctor replied. "Well what does that mean?" I asked. "We don't quite know yet. We wont be able to tell for sure until he wakes up." "He will wake up, wont he?" I asked. "I'm not sure. Like I said we don't know the amount of damage done yet. It may have been so much that he slipped into a coma, whereas he most likely wont wake up."

"Well when do you think he will wake up?" I asked, refusing to take no for an answer. "Its hard to say. His body is working in overtime right now, trying to heal his body enough for him to wake up. It could be hours, days, weeks. However long his body decides." Ive been wanting answers all day and now that I was getting them, I didn't want to hear them. They weren't what I was expecting. The doctor talked more about the surgery and the possibility of Edward waking up. Then he went a little into treatment options but I wasn't exactly listening to him. I wished Carlisle was there to talk to him. He would know what to say, or do. I couldn't even pay attention long enough to listen. My thoughts were all jumbled up. I was thinking of everything but nothing at all.

"Is he in pain?" I asked before I knew what I was saying. The doctor looked surprised by my random question but gathered himself and answered my question. "There's no way to tell Mrs. Cullen. Im sorry, I wish we could but we wont know unless he wakes up. We've been giving him morphine because the damage done was severe as you know, but we cant tell if he feels anything." I took in his response and formed another question. "Do you think hes in pain?" I asked looking at the doctor. "Honestly?" He asked. I nodded my head. "I would think so. His injuries were bad, if hes aware, I would imagine he'd be in pain." I looked away from the doctor and back at Edward. He just looked like he was asleep. He didn't look like he was in pain at all.

"Do you think he can hear me?" "Medically, no. Personally, I would hope so." He said as he walked toward the door. "Ill come back to check on him in a few hours." He said as he walked out. I still held Edwards hand in mine. It was so lifeless. He looked so broken. I looked around again at all the machines in the room. I stopped at the ventilator. He couldn't even breath for himself. He had to have machines do it for him. He could live off machines for the rest of his life. Never knowing what was going on. Never knowing if he was in pain or not. Tears rolled down my cheeks again as I kissed his hand again.

I drew in a deep breath and said the words before I could talk myself out of it. "You can go." I whispered. "We'll be fine. Don't worry. I don't want you to be like this. I don't want you to be in pain. If you have to go, then I understand. And I love you. And Sammy and Lilly love you with all their tiny little hearts. And you know Esme and Carlisle love you. And Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie. We all love you so much. So if you have to give up, then go ahead. Just know that we love you so much. And we always will. Don't worry this isn't goodbye. I'm not saying goodbye. Its just a see you later." I sobbed into his hand.

I wanted Edward to get better more than anything in the world but if he was always going to be in pain then I couldnt ask him to stay like that. I coulnt ask him anything that would cause him to be in pain. So that only left one option. Let him go. Let him move on so he didnt have to be in pain anymore. My sobs got harder but were soon broken by the dreaded sound of the heart monitor. The steady annoying beep that meant my world was shattered was the loudest thing in the room.

Edward was gone. He heard me after all. I bent over to kiss him lightly on his cold lips and whisper "I love you" one last time. Doctors and nurses rushed in the room and tried helplessly to save him. They pushed me out but not before I caught a glimpse of his dead body jerking as they shocked him with the defibrillators. I dropped to my knees and sobbed as the nurses and doctors worked feverishly to save my husband.

**EM POV  
**My head hurt a lot. I tried to open my eyes but they weighed a ton. "Emmett? Oh honey, are you awake?" Rose asked. I could hear the tears in her voice. "Your crying." I pointed out, still with my eyes closed. "Yea, I guess that's your fault." She said. I pictured the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile. "Sorry." I said. I felt her take my hand and say "Your alive, so I forgive you." She whispered. I felt a few tears splash against my arm. "Stop crying." I pleaded. "I'm fine." "Then open your eyes. Open them and make me believe that I'm not dreaming." She demanded. I smiled and pulled against the weight on my eyes. It was blurry at first. All I could make out of Rose was her hair. I had to blink a few times but it got better.

"There you are." She whispered. "You caused quite a scare." Her beautiful blue hazel eyes were rimmed with red. It was obvious she had been crying hard. I lifted the arm that wasn't wrapped up and cupped it around her face. "I'm sorry." I said again. She bent over so our lips could met and I curled my fingers in her hair, never wanting to let her go. Her and our two little angels were the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I couldn't imagine being ripped from them. I wanted to stop time and stay in my wife's arms forever. I didn't want to face the horror I knew was yet to come.

There were a lot of people down there. People I knew. My men. No doubt there was going to be a lot of painful losses for everyone. I couldn't help but wonder what painful losses I would have to face. My whole crew was down there. And so far only one of them came back up. And I didn't even know how he was. I reluctantly pulled my face back. Rose looked at me confused. "Jasper?" I asked. "Hes here. He should be getting out of surgery any minute now." "So hes ok?" I asked. "Kind of." Rose said. "What do you mean kind of?" I asked. She seemed to contemplate weather or not she was going to tell me then gave up.

"He could have lost his legs. I'm not sure though, I haven't talked to Alice in a while so maybe he didn't, but the doctor said it was a possibility." She sad in a rush. At first her words didn't make sense, she said them so fast. But when they finally did sink in my heart felt like it would explode. It was all my fault. I should have got him out sooner. He couldn't lose his legs. They were so important to him. He wouldn't be able to work anymore. "Em?" Rose said bringing me back to the present. "Yea." I whispered.

"Its ok. Its not your fault. At least hes alive." Rose said. She tried to hide the relief in her voice but I knew her enough to know that she must have been scared to death. Jazz was her brother. Her only family besides the one we share. They were close too. It must have been hard for her to hear that and to know he was hurt. But my guess is that she focused solely on me. That's just how Rose was. So determined. If she gets something in her head its nearly impossible to stop her. I could see in her eyes that she was yearning to see him and know for sure that he was was older but Rose always acted as the older one.

"You should go see him." I told her. She started to protest but before she could I began again. "Hes your brother Rose. You need to make sure hes ok." 'And your my husband Emmett." She countered. "And I'm fine. Jasper however might not be. You need to make sure hes ok. Don't worry, ill be here when you get back." I said trying to soothe her. She took a minute to think about it then said "Fine, ill be right back." She bent over to kiss me again then turned and left the room. I layed my head back and closed my eyes but not even three minutes later the door was opening again.

"Rose I said I'm fine..." I started to say but as I reopened my eyes it was clear that it was not Rose standing over me. The man was tall and had a police uniform on. "Hi I'm officer Briggs." He said as he crossed the room and sat in the chair next to me. "You must be Emmett." I nodded my head and held out my hand. He shook it. "So how ya doing?" He asked looking me over. "I'm fine. Thanks." I said. "You helped us get out." I continued. "No big. Your the real hero." He said. I ignored his ridiculous statement and asked "Hows Hannah?" He dropped his head and took a deep breath. "Hannah was pronounced dead an hour after you all arrived. Doctor said it was amazing she made it that long. He said she should have been killed instantly."

His words shocked me. "But she was awake and..." I began. "Doctor said that was because of the Adrenalin rushing through her body. It kept her alive. When it wore out, she died." He was on the verge of tears. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave my condolences and promised to be at the funeral. "I couldn't leave without seeing if you were ok. What about your brothers?" He asked. "Brothers?" I said confused. "Yea, Jasper and Edward." He said looking worried. "Edward got out?" I nearly shouted. "Yea, you found him. You don't remember?" "No not really. I don't even remember how we got out." I said.

"Well that's weird. I heard your dad talking awhile after you were brought in, said you wouldn't stop asking how Edward and Jasper were." Officer Briggs said. "I don't even really remember coming in either." I mumbled. "I'm sure that's normal, you should ask your doctor." He said. "Do you know how Edward is?" I asked. He shook his head. "I haven't really been paying attention to much." He said. I mumbled another apology. "I should get going. My mom has my son and I know shes dying to hear something." He said as he got up. "No pun intended." He said as he realized what he said.

I waved goodbye and promised again that I would be at the funeral. I ended up giving myself a headache as I tried to remember everything that happened but couldn't. When the door opened again it was Rose this time. And my mom and dad. "Hows Jasper?" I asked. "Hes fine. Just got out of surgery." Rose said. "Did he have to..." I couldn't finish. "No, hes perfectly fine." She said as her face pulled into a grimace. "Then why don't you look happy?" I said as I looked the three of them over. Rose tried to say something but decided not to and looked to Carlisle. He stepped forward with red eyes.

This cant be good. Carlisle never cried unless it was something really really bad. He tried to say something too but kept coming up empty. I waited. Nobody said anything. Finally Rose broke the silence by asking "What was Officer Briggs doing here?" "He was checking on me." I said flatly. "Hows his wife?" Esme asked. "She didnt make it." I said. Esme gasped then ran from the room. "Whats going on? Please tell me." I said panicked.

Carlisle crossed the room and stood next to Rose who was now close to sobbing. "Tell me." I demanded. Carlisle had steady tears flowing down his face now. He sighed, took a deep breath then began. "Edward was hurt the worst out of you all." He said. "Yea, Briggs told me he was here." I said. "You don't remember what happened?" Carlisle asked. I shook my head. "Please just tell me whats wrong." I pleaded. "He had to have brain surgery. Bella was with him..." He couldn't say anymore. It was Rose who finished. "His heart stopped Emmett." She said choking on a sob. "There trying to get it started again, but they don't know if they can." Carlisle finally finished.

Rose was sobbing and Carlisle was crying. Outside I could hear the broken sobs of my mother. "Will they be able to?" I asked "It doesn't look good." Rose said between sobs. Stupidly I asked "Whats gonna happen?" Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder like I had done with Officer Briggs. "If they cant get his heart started, he dies Emmett."

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**Ok b4 u guys totally hate me let me say that this is defiantly NOT the end for Edward and Bella. But not everyone had there happy ending that day. I wanted this story to be as real as possible which meant id have 2 do something awful. But its not the end so plz keep reading and reviewing and telling me what you all think. Thank u!**

**Much love **

**-Tink-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys...sorri its been so long since tha last update...been real busy..well enough said..get readin lol**

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Chapter 14

_Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death. - Unknown_

Bella POV

I pulled the dreaded black dress from the back of my closet. I had never worn this dress and always hoped I wouldn't have to, but today it was all I could think of to wear. I got in the shower and slipped the dress on. It was a J. Crew Silk Tricotine Rebecca Short Dress. I was a little hesitant to wear it. It didn't look much like a funeral dress to me. "Stop messing with it Bella." Alice said as she walked in my room. "You look fine."

She was dressed to. In a short black dress with a scoop neckline and a bow around the waist. Her short hair was pressed and hung down by her chin. She looked beautiful. "You should do your hair before Rose gets here." She said. I nodded and asked her if she could grab my shoes for me. As she disappeared I began trying to make my hair look presentable. It just didn't want to listen. I decided to just let it dry and let the curls hang loosely down my back.

By the time I was done Rose was already waiting in the living room with Alice. Rose wore a cap sleeved dress that hugged her figure and stopped around the knees. Roses hair was also curled but half was pulled back into a ponytail and her bangs were brushed to the side. She looked beautiful too. "Stop fidgeting Bella." Rose said as she got up and hooked a necklace around my neck. "You look amazing." She said as she pulled back to see me.

"I keep telling her that." Alice said. "She doesn't believe me." Alice continued. "Wheres Emmett?" I asked Rose, trying to get the conversation off of me. "He decided to take Josh and Abby over to Esme and help get the kids ready." She said looking away from me. "Hows he handling it?" I asked. "Not good. He thinks its his fault. I had to nearly drag him out of bed this morning." Rose said. "Yea Jasper's no better. He barley even looks at me anymore. The only time he talks is when Ashlynns there." Alice said as she handed me my shoes.

"So, are we ready?" Rose said gloomily. I nodded my head and reached for my purse on the counter. I took the Aspirin out and swallowed two before we even walked out the door. "You ok? You've been having those headaches for awhile now. Maybe you should let Carlisle check you out before we go." Alice said. I turned around and locked my door and said "I'm fine." "No your not Bella. Everybody knows that." Rose said. "Rose!" Alice protested. "What Alice? We do. And its not healthy for her to pretend either. I mean with everything shes been through, there's gotta be a couple screws loose up there."

Alice just shook her head and a small smile creeped up on me. We made our way to my car and Rose took the front seat while Alice had the back. We drove in silence for awhile. Rose finally broke the silence when she asked "So hows Jasper? Ive been so busy taking care of Emmett that I haven't been up there much. Is he ok?" "Physically, yea hes fine. The doctor said that with a few months of physical therapy, he should be able to walk again." Alice said with a relieved sigh. "What about firefighting? Will he be able to go back to work?" I asked. "We don't know yet. It depends on how he handles therapy but he would would have to do a whole lot more to meet the physical standards of a firefighter."

"That must suck. Firefighting was his life. That's all he talked about being when he grew up." Rose said. An awkward silence followed until Rose broke it again. "Our mom called yesterday." "What? Why?" Me and Alice said at the same time. Jazz and Rose haven't talked to their mother for years, not since their dad died. "I guess she heard that Jasper was hurt. She wanted to know how he was." Rose said. "Well that was...thoughtful of her..I think." Alice said. "No not thoughtful. The only reason she called was because her friends found out that her son was in the towers and she wanted them to think she was a good mother." Rose said bitterly.

"Who knows, maybe she did call to see if he was ok." I said. "I doubt it." Rose said. "Don't tell Jasper. It'll just make him upset. He hates her." Me and Alice both nodded. We pulled into the driveway of Carlisle and Esme's house. Before we even got to the door we were bombarded with kids all screaming 'Mommy' at the same time. Lilly and Sammy ran up to me and I bent down to hug them both in my arms. We stayed like that long enough for me to smell their hair. Strawberries. Esme must have had to hold Sammy down just to wash his brown untidy hair.

"You guys ready?" I asked them. They nodded their heads. Lilly was wearing a beautiful dress. It had cap style sleeves, a sash along the waist with a flower. Above the sash was all white but below the white blended with the black. Esme must have picked it out. It was elegant but not Alice's kind of elegant. Lilly's hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. Sammy looked adorable in his black tux. You could tell that Esme attempted to control his hair but failed.

"Mommy, I wanna go home." Sammy said. "I know baby. We can go home after the funeral." I said. Sammy was gonna argue but Esme called us all in the house. Everyone was in the family room. Emmett was on the love seat next to Rose with his firefighter uniform on and his arm in a sling. His eyes looked far away, like he wasn't here in the family room. They were red from loss of sleep and darker than usual. He felt my eyes examining him and looked up at me. He didn't even attempt to smile or make some kind of reassurance that things would be ok. His eyes looked just as dead as the person we were about to bury.

He turned his face away and stared out the window, seeing not the scenery outside but the images in his mind. I could see what Rose meant about him not taking it well. Even Josh and Abby kept there distance by squuezzing in on the other side of there mom. Away from Em. I wanted to go hug him and tell him that we were all in this together and that we all hurt just as much as he does but decided that would just make things worse.

I sat on the couch with both Sammy and Lilly in my lap. "Did you guys eat?" I asked. Lilly nodded and said "Nana made banacakes." A low chuckle ran through the room as we all laughed at Lilly's made up word. All but Emmett. He continued to stare out the window. I could see Rose flash worried glances at him. Her hand kept moving as she tried to decide weather or not to comfort him. Esme broke the silence by asking "So Alice, when did the doctors say Jazz can come home?" "They aren't sure yet. He caught an infection the other day so now they have to take care of that too."

"Well at least hes ok." Carlisle said. We all agreed and the room went back to silence. Esme finally had enough of the silence. She slowly stood up and left the room asking us if anyone wanted some pancake. I guess Emmett had enough too. He stood up and nearly ran out of the room. Seconds later we heard the front door slam. "Hey Josh, why don't you take your cousins upstairs and play." Rose said. As soon as all the kids were out of the room Rose had her face in her hands. Me and Alice tried to comfort her as best we could but nothing seemed to work.

"That's what happens everyday since he got out the hospital. He slams doors and wont even look at me. We don't even sleep in the same room anymore." Rose cried as she wiped her nose with the tissue Carlisle brought her. "Hes been through a lot." "You don't think I know that. Ive been right there with him. Ive been through just as much." She protested. "Emmett's taking it harder than you Rose." Carlisle tried to reason with her. "I am too. He hasn't said two words to Josh and Abby. You wanna know what Abby asked me last night? She asked if daddy hated her. What am I supposed to tell her? What do I say to that?" Rose shouted.

"She knows I could never hate her." Emmett said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Yea well maybe you should try telling her that. Maybe you should just try talking to her at all." "What do you want from me Rosalie? You cant expect me to just get over it. Its not that easy." Emmett shouted. "Then let me help you. Let me be your wife and help you. Just talk to me Em. That's all I want." Rose shouted back. "Stop it." Esme suddenly yelled. The room was silent at once.

"We are getting ready to bury someone. Cant we just save the yelling for later, when my grandchildren are not sitting at the top of the stairs listening to your every word. Isn't it enough that were dragging them to a funeral everyday for the next week and a half." Esme screamed at the top of her lungs. We were all shocked into silence. Esme never yelled out of anger. Esme took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "If we don't leave now were gonna be late." She said as she left the room. Carlisle immediately got up and followed her. The rest of us gathered our children without saying a word to each other.

"Ill take the kids." Esme said as she started piling the kids in her van with Carlisle. "Then that means the rest of you are riding with me." I said sarcastically under my breath. We silently got in the car and followed Esme to the church. No one talked the whole way over. We were still trying to make sense of Esme's outburst. Once we were at the Church I began to feel butterflies in my stomach. I hate funerals. Once Lilly was out she ran over to me with tears in her eyes. "Mommy I don't wanna be here." She said in her cute little baby voice.

I picked her up as she nuzzled her head in the crook of my neck. "Its ok honey. It wont be that long." I said rubbing her back. "I wanna go home." Lilly said. Everyone began to pile into the church but I held back a little while. "Why are you so scared honey?" I asked. "Cause the dead beobles are meany's." I chuckled once at her pronunciation. "Honey, they wont get you. All you have to do is say bye." "But I don't wanna." Lilly cried. "What else is wrong baby?" I asked sensing something more.

"I wanna see daddy." She cried harder. I pulled her into a hug and whispered soothing words in her ear. "But honey you can see daddy. Hes at the hospital remember." I said. "I know but...what if daddy's not gonna be otay?" "Honey the doctors said he would. They said hes gonna get better." I tried to reassure her. I could tell that she wasn't convinced. "But daddy promised he would neber get hurt and leabe us, but he did." "But the doctors brought him back honey. They made him better." I said. "But what if they lied, like daddy did." "Honey, daddy didn't lie. Things happen that we don't expect. That makes it..hard to keep promises. But daddy didn't lie. He tried his best to come home and get better for you honey."

Lilly sniffed but still wasn't reassured. "Tell you what, why don't we go see daddy. After the funeral. We can go and sit with daddy for the day. Just me you and Sammy. How does that sound?" She nodded her head and we walked into the church together. We sat way in the back. I was afraid that seeing Hannah's coffin would upset Lilly. I guess I didn't mention just who's funeral we were going to. They were able to bring Edward back. Well parts of him. He cant remember the day we met or that Rose and Emmett got married. He doesn't remember even getting a job at the World Trade Center.

He does remember the days that Sammy and Lilly were born, but he doesn't remember the day we got married and he barley remembers being adopted by Esme and Carlisle. Bits and pieces were missing from him. Some pieces were enormous yet others were almost invisible, like him not remembering his favorite color. He barley talks now. I don't know if its because he has nothing to say to me or if hes ashamed that he cant remember falling in love with me. He doesn't look at me the same. Something in his eyes are missing and it scares me. It makes me believe that he'll never remember the way we used to be. He cant even remember he loves me.

I had to put my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob. The last thing Lilly needs right now is me breaking down. She was so down lately which is understandable. We all are. I stared at the coffin ahead of me and was hit by the all to real truth that Edward could have been the one we were burying today instead of Hannah. I tore my eyes away before the tears had a chance to claim me. I didn't know Hannah except for the things Edward would tell me but every since that day this city has been brought together in more ways than one. I felt so close to them somehow, without ever really knowing them.

I couldn't walk down the street without seeing a face that was grieving. Someone had been lost. Thousands had been lost. People I could have walked by every morning. People who I might have seen when dropping Sammy and Lilly off at school. People who suffered and screamed the last few moments off their lives. Some without even knowing what was going on. Somehow the death of our friends, neighbors, families and strangers brought us together. The cloud of their death still hangs over this city, fueling us to come together. But how long will that last? How long until hate and anger replace our sadness? How long until something like this happens again?

I was torn from my thoughts as Hannah's husband was lead away from the coffin by two men with their hands on his shoulder. I must have missed his speech. I tried to pay attention the rest of the funeral but it was hard. My mind kept drifting back to Edward. I couldn't even make it through Hannah's funeral, how was I supposed to make it through the rest of the weeks goodbyes. Emmett's whole crew had been lost. All except him, Jasper, and Issac. Randy, Alex, and Felix were never found but were presumed dead. Em was taking it hard. He felt like it was his fault and that he killed them.

Jasper was much the same. He was taking it better than Em but he was still struggling. I guess we all are just dealing with this in our own unique ways. In my case, not dealing at all. I just wanted by husband and my brother home. I wanted him to remember everything and we could go back to normal but I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. Edward kept telling the doctors that he didn't remember what happened in the towers but I sensed that he was lying. That he just didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't get him to open up with me on any level since he woke up. He tries to put on a brave front for the kids but I can tell there's something wrong. He pushed me so hard to come to this funeral.

Everybody keeps telling me I have to be patient with him and whenever he wants to tell me whats wrong he will. But im afraid that he never will. That if I don't push him enough he wont tell me anything and it will eat at him until there's nothing left. The funeral service ended and we were all lead to the cemetery. I held both of my children's hands as they lowered Hannah's coffin into the ground. I caught a glimpse of Em slipping a white rose into the grave before we all left. He tried to hide his face from Rose and the kids by walking a few steps behind them but by the way Rose kept glancing back, I could tell she knew something was up.

We all gathered back at Esme and Carlisles house and let the kids change and play around. I was beginning to feel kind of nauseous so I decided to sit on the couch for awhile. "Nauseous again?" Esme asked. I nodded my head and regretted it immediately as the nausea intensified. "You should let Carlisle check you out when you go to the hospital. He has to go back to check on some patients." Esme said. "Are you going back?" I asked her. "Of course. My boys are still there." Esme said smiling as she continued. "But I wont be there until later. I figured you all need some alone time with Edward." I mouthed a thank you and went upstairs to get changed.

By the time we made it to the hospital, my nausea fit had passed. I let Carlisle check me out and take some blood for some test before I went to see Edward. The kids were so excited and I was happy to see that he was too. I told him about Hannah's funeral and about what Lilly had told me. "Daddy would never lie to you." Edward tried to tell her. "See I told you honey." I said as a knock came and Carlisle stepped in. "Bella can we talk outside?" Confused, I got up and followed him out the room. "I got the results of your blood test back." The looked on his face made me think 'Oh great. I'm dieing.'

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**OMG hes alive! lol but he doesnt remember much about his life which is sad but families experienced much worse that day...anyway whats wrong wit bella? Lol tell me what you all think! Remember to reveiw. Thanks bunches**

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**-Tink-**

**P.s. Just so you all know im changing my username to MusicLover16..if anyone wanted to know lol.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everybody..so happy to say that ive reached a hundred reviews which is awesome and i couldnt be happier. Thank u so much 2 all of u who took the time 2 read. **

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Chapter 15

_"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."~__ Ralph Waldo Emerson_

_"Bella can we talk outside?" Confused, I got up and followed him out the room. "I got the results of your blood test back." The looked on his face made me think 'Oh great. I'm dieing.'_

"Bella….your pregnant." Carlisle said. At first I couldn't respond. I was too shocked by his words to even process them. I kept running over and over in my mind how this could have happened. I tried to remember every single day for the last few weeks but coming up blank when I went to far. "Bella?" Carlisle asked. "You ok?" "Uh….yea. Yea. I'm ok….I think." I stuttered. "I would congratulations, but you don't seem up to that right now." I shook my head no. "This is a good thing right?" Carlisle asked. I just shrugged my shoulders not trusting my mouth to speak.

We both jumped when his beeper went off. "You gonna be ok Bella? I have to get this." I nodded my head, still unable to speak. Carlisle kissed me quickly on the forehead before running off. I was left to deal with my thoughts alone. How in the hell could I be pregnant? Maybe they got the test wrong or something. This is probably the worst time for this to be happening. Edward cant remember loving me. Imagine how he would feel if I just walked in there and told him I was pregnant. This cant be happening right now. Sammy poked his head out the door causing me to come back to reality.

"Does your belly hurt mommy?" Sammy asked. I didn't realize my hands had moved to my stomach. "Uh….no. Mommy's fine." I said. "Daddy wanted me to check on you?" He said. I muttered another 'I'm fine' and followed him back into the room. My mind was racing with thoughts that made no sense but all kept coming back to the baby in my stomach. "You ok? You look pale." Edward said as I sat down in the chair next to him. "I'm fine." I said again.

Something about the way he looked at me assured me that he didn't believe me but he didn't push me on the subject, thank goodness. The whole time we were at the hospital Edward kept stealing worried glances at me and each time I would be staring out into space as though my best friend just died. Ugh poor use of words considering the situation. Luckily the kids didn't notice anything. They were too busy enjoying having their daddy back.

When I wasn't staring into space on the verge of panicking, I was watching Edward with the kids. It was like he never left. Like this part of him could never change. The way he absently twirled Lilly's hair as she sat in his lap reminded me of the countless nights we would read her and Sammy stories before bedtime. I wonder if he remembers those nights. It was nights like those that made me want to have more kids. That made me want another part of Edward for the world to see.

But as we sit in this hospital room, I'm reminded all to well of the situation. Edward doesn't love me anymore. I could tell him about the baby and he could hate me forever and only stay around for the kids. Or I could make this go away and have a shot of showing my husband why he fell in love with me in the first place. Absentmindedly my hand flew to my stomach as I considered making the choice between my husband and my child. A decision I thought id never have to make.

I tried to shake the nasty thoughts from my head and focus on the here and now. Right now my family was happy. That's all that mattered at the moment. The rest I would deal with later. I still couldn't wrap my head around it. I'm almost positive they got the test wrong. I cant be pregnant. It was our cue to leave when the kids eyes started to droop and their yawns filled the room. "I'm gonna take the kids home and put them to bed. Visiting hours are almost over anyway." I said as I dragged a sleeping Sammy from Edward and out him into my arms. "Remember the day we painted Sammy's room. Right after we found out he was a boy?" Edward asked.

"Yea. We spent all day mixing paints." I said smiling at the memory. "Then just settled on blue when we couldn't find the right color." Edward smiled with me. "That's one of the only memories I have of you Bella. One the only memories of our lives together. I remember you as a kid. When we were in school and you still wore pigtails. But after that its like you were only there for bits and pieces." I looked at the ground not really knowing how to respond. Instead I shifted Sammy's weight to my other hip. "I don't know what to do with that Bella. Obviously we were in love." I didn't miss it when he said 'were'.

"Yea. We are." I said. "That's what I cant remember." Edward groaned. I decided to sit back down with Sammy in my lap. I watched as Edward planted a small kiss on the top of Lilly's sleeping head. "So what are you saying Edward?" I said. My heart was beating so fast and loud I was amazed that Sammy didn't wake up because of it. "I don't know." Edward said. "That's not a good answer." I said frustrated. "I know." He said. "So what now? What do we do?" I asked. "I try to remember." He said. I sighed with frustration. No one knew how long that was going to take. Lilly stirred under Edwards arm.

"You guys should get going." Edward said as he kissed the top of both his children's heads. I enlisted the help of one of the nurses to help carry Lilly outside. I didn't miss when Edward didn't say 'I love you' as I walked out the room. After the kids were strapped in, I thanked the nurse and took off. I tried to concentrate more on the road than on my problems. Once we were home, I woke the kids and had them change into pajamas and tucked them into bed. I sat on my living room couch listening to the silence and fumbling to make my brain work. I decided that I couldn't think on my own so I picked up the phone and dialed the first number I could think of.

"I need to talk to you. Now." I said. I guess they heard the urgency in my voice because fifteen minutes later the doorbell was ringing. I nearly ran to the door to open it. "Em, I'm pregnant." I nearly shouted. He looked shocked and confused at first. "Congrats?" He said unsure. I pulled him into the room and nearly threw him on the couch. "I'm guessing its not congrats." He said sounding like his old self for just a moment. "I cant be pregnant." I mumbled more to myself than him. "Your not gonna be one of those girls who denies their pregnant until a baby pops out are you?" Em said giving me his old smile.

"Its not their fault you know." I said defensively. "Never said it was." Em said. I sighed and rested my head on the back of the couch. "You know im in no condition to help you." Emmett said. "Yea, I know." "So what made you call me?" Em asked. I raised my head to look at him. "I don't know honestly. I guess I thought that if this was a good thing you would know. And you would be happy." I said. "I think you wanted me to be Edward. I think you wanted me to be as happy as he would be." Em said. "I love you Bells. And I am happy for you, though I may not show you, I really am. But I'm not Edward. You need to tell him." "I cant Em. What if he feels like I'm trapping him? What if he hates me?" I said. "Hes your husband." "He doesn't remember." I said.

"So what are you gonna do, wear baggy shirts till your water breaks. I don't think that's gonna work." He said staring at me. I let the words I couldnt say show on my face and watched as Em slowly got what I was implying. "Bells? Your not thinking of abortion...are you?" Em asked. I turned my head away in shame. "Bells." Em said. "You cant do that. There's enough death around us already, do we really have to mourn the loss of a baby too. Not to mention Esme will kill you for killing her grandchild." Em said trying to convince me. "Ugh, don't use that word." I said. "Why not Bella? That's what your gonna be doing. Killing your child. You will never forgive yourself if you go through with it. Its not you Bella."

"What other choice do I have Em?" I said. "You can think twice about what your considering and tell your husband hes gonna be a father...again." Em said. I shook my head. "Bella you cant let whats happened get in the way of your future, trust me, I know. It will ruin you. Your gonna have a baby. And your gonna be happy." Em said taking me in his arms. "Yea your one to talk." I said. I felt his chest rise with a chuckle. "That's none of your business." Emmett said. "Your my brother. That's defiantly my business. I want you to be just as happy." I said.

There was a silence between us as we both took the conversation in. "Tell you what, ill make a deal with you. You tell Edward and not get an abortion and ill try to be happy like old times." He said. "Throw you actually talking to Rose like shes your wife and being the father you used to be in there and you got yourself a deal." I said. He contemplated it for a moment, then held his hand out. I shook it and said "Pleasure doing business with you." We both laughed and sat there for a moment.

We both jumped when Ems phone stared to ring. "Its Rose." He said. "She probably thinks your cheating on her with some seventeen year old girl." I chuckled. "Yup. Bella the mistress. Rolls right off the tongue doesn't it." Em laughed as he answered the phone. Him and Rose talked for a few seconds before he hung up. "Gotta go?" I asked. He nodded and got up to put his shoes back on. I hadn't realized it was so late until I galnced at the clock that read 1:16 AM. "Oh gosh. I bet Rose is angry." I said getting up to walk him to the door. He didn't say anything which meant I was right. I made a mental note to explain to her tomorrow.

Em stopped in the doorway and turned to look at me. "Don't forget to tell Edward. And if I hear you've been shacking up with an abortion clinic, I will personally give Esme the gun to shoot you with." I nodded and mumbled a 'yes sir'. "And you don't forget to talk to Rose and the kids. Actually talk to them. Tonight's made me more than a believer that you can be happy again." "Yes ma'am." He said and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Night Bella. Night Bella's baby." I laughed and yelled after him. "Your only proving my point even more." I said as he got in his car. I watched him drive off before I closed the door and locked it.

I slipped into a t shirt and some jogging pants and decided it was time for bed. I stared at the ceiling, tossed and turned but I just couldn't sleep. I looked at the clock again. 2:10 AM. "Ugh...why cant I fall asleep?" I said irritated. I knew I was gonna have to get at least some sleep if I wanted to keep up with the kids tomorrow but my body just wasn't ready to rest. After tossing and turning for almost ten minutes I decided I was too uncomfortable to sleep in the bed so I grabbed a pillow and blanket and made my way to the couch in the living room. For some reason it seemed to ease my mind more. I had never slept on this couch except for the occasional nap.

The last time I looked at the clock it read 2:30 AM. I finally drifted of into sleep. My dreams were filled with Emmett. There were two of him. One of them happy and one of them standing over a coffin with a rose in his hand. The happy Emmett ran over to me and rubbed my belly. But the sad Emmett started to scream and yell and call me names. I cowered in a corner trying to protect my baby from his rage. But that didn't work. He began to stomp his way over to me, pushing the happy Emmett out of the way. He got close enough for me to see his eyes. Blood red. Filled with anger and hate.

"Mommy, what are you doing on the couch?" Sammy asked as he shook me awake. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the dream. Not exactly the first dream you wanna have after finding out your pregnant. "What time is it?" I asked, sitting up. "A hundred and for o'clock." Sammy said. I laughed and rubbed the top of his head. "Wheres your sister?" I asked, standing and stretching. "Shes still sleeping." "Ok well let mommy go wake Lilly up then ill make you some breakfast kay?" Sammy nodded his head and ran back to his room. I slowly opened the door to Lilly's room. She was sprawled out across the bed with her curls all across her face.

I walked to her bed and sat down. I rubbed circles around her back and whispered in her ear "Lilly honey, its time to wake up." She stirred at the sound of my voice. "Come on honey. Lets get some breakfast." I said louder. Her little eyes opened and closed continuously. "How can you still be tired baby. Come on. Get up." I chuckled. She finally reached up and wiped the curls from her face. "Ah, there you are." I said smiling. She smiled back but said "Mommy I don't feel good." I felt her face and noticed she was burning up. "Whats wrong honey?" I asked. "My tummy hurts." She replied.

"Ok well do you wanna eat breakfast? See if your tummy feels better once its eaten." I said. She nodded her head and I carried her into the living room and set her on the couch with a blanket. Sammy came out and sat next to his sister on the couch and they began fighting over the covers. "Hey. Share the covers." I said as I began mixing the eggs and frying the bacon. Sammy dug right in when the food was done but Lilly barley touched her food. She said she wasn't hungry anymore and she looked kind of pale. I made her eat a couple bits and sent her back to lay on the couch.

"Whats wrong with Lilly?" Alice asked as she walked into my kitchen. "Keep breaking into my house like that and I'm gonna call the police." I said. "She doesn't feel good. She said her tummy hurts." I said as I wiped Sammy's mouth with a napkin and put his empty plate in the sink. "Shes running a fever too." I said. "Are you gonna take her to the hospital?" Alice asked, sounding like the concerned aunt. "I don't know. It might just be the flu or something but I think I will. Just in case." I said as I finished cleaning. "What are you doing here?" I asked Alice. "Nothing. Was on my way to see Jazz and thought Id stop by. Its almost noon and your still in your pajamas."

"Mommy, Lilly's throwing up." Sammy called from the living room. I rushed to Lilly's side and held her hair and rubbed her back. "You gonna take her to the hospital now?" Alice said. "Yea. Can you watch Sammy? Or just take him to see Jazz with you." "Yea of course." Alice said. I went to get mine and Lilly's coats and put some shoes on Lilly. "Mommy's gonna take Lilly to the doctor ok. Be good for aunt Alice ok." I said as I gave Sammy a hug and a kiss. "I love you." "I love you too mommy." I strapped Lilly in the backseat and headed for the hospital. By the time we got there Lilly was sweating and crying and on the verge of throwing up again.

Luckily Carlisle was there as we walked in. "What happened?" He asked. "She was complaining of a tummy ache and she had a fever. After breakfast she started throwing up." I told him. "How much did she eat?" He asked. "Not much." I said. "Ok I'm gonna take her back to an exam room and see whats going on ok." I nodded and said "Grandpa's gonna take you and see whats wrong with your tummy ok." She held onto my hand even tighter. "Hey your gonna go with grandpa. Hes gonna make you all better ok. Mommy's gonna be right here and as soon as they let me in, ill come see you ok. Don't worry. Its gonna be ok." I said as Carlisle began taking her back. "I love you." I shouted after her.

It felt like forever that I was in that waiting room. It felt too much like the last time I was here. Waiting to see if my husband was alive or dead. Feeling the anxiety rise I began to pace the floors until Carlisle finally came out. "She has Appendicitis." He said. "Well how do we fix it?" I asked. "Shes being prepped for surgery right now." Carlisle said. "Surgery? Carlisle is she gonna be ok?" I asked panicked. "Its a routine surgery Bella she should be fine." Carlisle tried to reassure me. I took a deep breath and said "I trust you." "I'm not doing the surgery Bella." He said. "What? Why not?" I nearly shouted. "They wont let me because shes my granddaughter." Carlisle replied.

I felt the blood rush from my face. "Hey, like I said, Its a routine surgery. She'll be just fine." Carlisle tried to reassure me. "Can I see her first?" I asked. "I'm afraid not. They want to get her into surgery before it completely bust. But you can watch." he said. Carlisle led me through tons of hallways until he found the door he was looking for. I don't know how. They all look the same to me. I walked into the room and looked through the glass widow that was there. "Now your not supposed to be in here. Its just for interns to watch surgeries but I can make an exception just this once considering everything you've been through." Carlisle said.

I thanked him befor he walked out then turned my attention back to the doctors who were just beginnig to cut into my little girl. I felt the fear and anxiety run through my veins like a race car. I really hate hospitals.

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**Well there u have it ppl. lol Congrats 2 all that got it right. Bellas preggo! lol Now all u have 2 do iz tell me if u wnt it 2 b a boy or a girl..or twins. lol jp. Again thank u 2 all who have taken the time 2 read my story. Im very grateful.**

**Much Love and Thanx**

**-Tink-**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey everybody...i know its been ages since i last updated and im so sorry. before u start reading id like to point out what yesterday was..the ninth anniversary of 9/11. i hope that you all took a moment of your time to remember...well ill quit talking then. go ahead and read.**

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Chapter 16

_Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~Brendan Francis_

Lilly's surgery went great. No complications at all. My anxiety had quieted a little but wouldn't be gone until she was awake and asking me for 'banacakes'. I had been sitting by her bed for hours. The doctors told me the anesthesia would take a while to wear off but it had already felt like whole lifetimes had passed. Being in the hospital like this, waiting like this again gave me a whole new anxiety. It brought back the worst memories and feelings. I could walk in here everyday to see Edward and be just fine. But waiting like this was almost unbearable.

"How is she?" I jumped in my seat next to Lilly's bed and turned at the sound of Alice's voice. Sammy was standing in the doorway next to her. "She's fine. They said it would take awhile for her to wake up so….all we can do is wait." She nodded her head in understanding. Sammy looked as though he was gonna cry. He was halfway hidden by Alice.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I asked. "He's been worried." Alice answered for him. "Come here honey." I said holding my arms out for him. He hesitated a little but left me put him on my lap. "What are you worried about?" I asked. He didn't say anything at first but I could tell something was bothering him. He always scrunched up his nose when he was thinking really hard. Just like Edward. "Com on honey, tell me what's wrong?" I prompted him.

"I was scared." He whispered so low that I barely heard him. "Scared of what?" I asked confused. "Scared that Lilly was gonna be like daddy." "What do you mean sweetie?" I asked. "Daddy's head doesn't work right. That's why he cant remember you mommy. I was scared that Lilly was gonna break her head too and she wouldn't remember any of us." Sammy said looking down at his feet.

I didn't know what to say. We had never told them that Edward didn't remember me. We told them that he couldn't remember some things but we never specifically said what. It took me by surprise that Sammy had noticed. I cleared my throat and tried to find my voice. "Lilly's fine Sammy. Nothings wrong with her head. It was her tummy and the doctors fixed it for her. All we have to do is wait for her to wake up."

"But what if she doesn't wake up like the doctors said they didn't know if daddy was gonna wake up." He whispered. "The doctors are one hundred percent sure that Lilly is gonna wake up and be just fine." I said as I took his face in my hands and made him look at me. He didn't seem convinced so I decided to change the subject before it upset him anymore.

"Did you see uncle Jazz?" I asked him. He just nodded his head. "How is he?" I said as I ran one of my hands through his mess of hair. "He's fine I guess. He still cant get out of bed." Sammy said. I could tell he didn't want to talk about that either so I decided it safe to just stay silent. The worry in Sammy's eyes was obvious. He cared for his little sister so much that he was so scared right now. I felt guilty. He just went through this with Edward only a week ago. Now he's scared he might lose his sister too. He shouldn't have to feel this way. He's only a five year old little boy. The worry on his face shouldn't be there. But it was. And I couldn't help but think it was my fault.

I couldn't protect my family. I couldn't stop Edward from going to work that morning and I couldn't stop Lilly from getting sick. Everything seemed out of my hands and I hated it. I felt weak, like it all was becoming way to much for me to handle. I was too weak to protect my family, and now my son is paying for it. He shouldn't know this kind of pain. He shouldn't be sitting here worrying like a grown man would. My impatience for Lilly to wake grew even more as I begged her to wake for Sammy. The sooner the worry was gone the sooner he could go back to being my little boy and not this grown man I didn't recognize.

"How about I take Sammy to get some ice cream from the cafeteria. We can get Lilly some too for when she wakes up." Alice said from the doorway. I had forgotten she was there and was startled when she spoke. "Uh..yea honey. Why don't you go with aunt Ali and get some ice cream." I said. Sammy looked up at me and put his hand to my cheek wiping away something wet. I hadn't realized I had started to cry. I felt immensely more guilty as I realized he was trying to take care of me. He felt he had to grow up faster and that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted him to be my little boy forever. I tried to give a reassuring smile, letting him know I was fine but I don't know if it worked. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he hopped off my lap and followed Alice down to the cafeteria.

Everything was wrong and I didn't know how to set them back in place. I didn't know how to fix any of this. It was becoming more and more unreal by the minute. This wasn't my life. It cant be. Any moment now I'm gonna wake up from this nightmare and everything's gonna be back to normal. Everything will be alright again. Any moment now.

"Bella?" Esme called as she walked into the room. "What's wrong? Are you ok?" She said as she placed a hand on my back. I avoided the question by asking one of my own. "What are you doing here?" "Carlisle called. We've been waiting in the waiting room but when no one came out I decided to take matters into my own hands." I laughed with her as she pulled the chair from the corner and sat next to me. "How is she?" She asked. "Fine. Its gonna take awhile for her to wake up though." I repeated.

"That's good. Gives her time to rest. I don't think she's been getting much sleep lately." She said. "Oh she got plenty last night. I had to ask a nurse to help me carry her and Sammy out to the car." I chuckled. She laughed with me but then the room was silent. "How's Edward?" She asked. I knew she just wanted me to talk about him and get my opinion. She's Esme. Of course she already knows how her son is doing. She doesn't miss a day without seeing him.

"The same." I answered. She glared at me, obviously upset with my answer. "He still cant remember me if that's what you mean." I said. "He will. Don't worry." Esme's optimism was always something that was contagious but this time it felt different. Like I had already given up and nothing she said was going to change that. "Did you say we?" I asked. She looked confused. "You said _we've _been waiting in the waiting room. Who's we?" I asked. "Oh. Me, Emmett, Rose and Renee. Alice and Sammy were upstairs with Jasper and Charlie has the kids." She said. "Emmett's been a little antsy. Which reminds me, he said he wanted to talk to you. Do you want me to go get him for you?" Esme asked. I was a little confused that Em wanted to talk to me. "Um..yea. Please." I said.

Esme lifted from the chair and kissed my forehead before leaving the room. I wonder what Em wants. I didn't have to wait very long until Em came bursting through the doors. "Whats wrong?" I asked. "What do you mean?" "Why'd you wanna talk to me so bad?" I asked. "Oh. I just wanted to make sure..." He trailed off as he took the seat next to me. It took me a minute to realize what he meant but when I did I slapped him on the shoulder. "Yes I'm still pregnant. What do you think, I would sneak out in the middle of the night or ask the doctors when they were done operating on my daughter to give me an abortion. Do you really think I would do something like that?" I told him.

"No but I was just making sure." He said. It was silent between us for awhile until I finally spoke up. "I promised didn't I." "Yea but you also promised to tell Edward and I'm guessing you haven't done that yet either." He countered. "Look its not like you have to watch me all the time. I'm not gonna do it ok. Gosh I feel like I'm on suicide watch." I said frustrated. "Sorry." Em whispered. "And I bet you haven't done the stuff you promised either." I said, regretting it as soon as it left my mouth. The silence once again picked up but it was Em this time who broke it. "I hear shes gonna be just fine." He said. "Yea. Thank goodness we got here in time." I sighed. "Any idea of when shes gonna wake up?" I just shook my head.

"Your right. I haven't done anything Ive promised either. It was wrong for me to jump on you like that. I'm sorry." "Its ok. I'm sorry to." I said. "Looks like its gonna be harder than we thought for both of us." He sighed. "Your not backing out are you? You cant back out because if you back out then I'm gonna back out." I panicked. "You are not getting an abortion even if I do back out." Emmett said sternly. "I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about the telling Edward part." I said slapping him on the arm again. "Ok I'm sorry, just stop hitting me. Gosh these hormones make you violent." He chuckled. "Oh shut up." I said.

Being like this with Em made me forget about the world if only for a second. It was like things were back to normal and he could be my brother again. I couldn't seem to stop the little bit of hope that planted itself in my mind but would sure leave when he did. The way we could be normal together was the best feeling. Sometimes I wonder why its like that. Why he can be normal with me and no one else. At times, when I'm with him like this, I don't think his problems are as deep as he lets them on to be. But then again we don't really talk about it. There's the Emmett that can laugh with me like this and there's the Emmett that pushes everyone away. One of them isn't real, but I don't know which one.

I felt guilty again because I knew that if my Emmett was the one that wasn't real then he would be pretending to be happy for me. I didn't want that for him. He deserved to be truly happy. I didn't want to get in the way of that. Pretending for me would just add to his plate of stress and that would devastate him. It would devastate us all and further jeopardize his relationship with not only Rose and the kids but with the rest of the family to. I wondered how my life ended up like this. In a matter of a few hours it crumbled...just like the towers.

"Hey." Emmett called next to me. I turned to look at him but he wasn't looking at me. "Shes up." He whispered. "Hey honey. How do you feel?" I asked Lilly as I took her hand in mine. Maternal instinct. "Tired." She whispered. "Your ok honey." I said. "Wheres daddy?" She asked a little panicked. "Hes upstairs sweetheart. Whats wrong?" She hesitated but answered "I had a dream. About Heaben. Daddy was there and he was neber coming back. He didn't want to." She said. I could see the tears forming in her eyes but didn't notice when I let mine fall.

"Daddy's fine honey." Was all I could say to my little girl who was so scared. I had forgotten that Em was in the room until he gently put his hand on my back. I found myself suddenly wishing he was Edward. That way he would know what to do and how to handle this. "Are you and daddy still in love?" Lilly asked. The question took me off guard and I found myself unable to answer, not because I was shocked but because I didn't have an answer. Luckily for me Alice and Sammy appeared in the doorway.

"I couldn't hold him off any longer." Alice chuckled. "Is she ok?" Sammy asked. "Yea honey shes fine. Why don't you come see for yourself?" I told him. He walked over to me with the ice cream in hand and I put him on the bed next to Lilly. She was pale and her eyes were drooping but as soon as she saw Sammy and the ice cream, her tiny face lit up with all the excitement she could muster. "Hey sissy." Sammy said shyly. Lilly tried to talk back but ended up coughing. "Its ok honey. You don't have to talk right now." I told her as I quickly handed her a glass of water. She drank most of it in one gulp an handed the cup back to me.

"Is she ok?" Sammy asked. "Yea shes fine. Just a little tired." I told him. "But she slept all day." I chuckled a little and tried to explain that her body was exhausted from going through surgery. Of course he didn't understand but he was just happy to see Lilly up and moving. "Ill leave you guys alone for awhile." Emmett said. I had completely forgotten he was there. "Could you let Esme know shes ok? I know shes going crazy right now." I asked as he made his way out the door and Alice followed after him.

I was suddenly left alone with my two children. Well three. How I would tell Sammy and Lilly that I was pregnant I had no idea, let alone how I would tell Edward. I was so scared that he would hate me, or worse, walk away from me. I knew I had to overcome that fear but it just seemed so impossible right now.

"Bella?" Someone asked from behind me. I turned around and saw Rose standing in the doorway. "Edward sent me to get you." I hadn't talked to Edward all day, only to tell him that Lilly was out of surgery so this surprised me. "Don't worry Ill stay with them." Rose said as she walked into the room. I turned to Sammy and Lilly and said "Ill be right back. Mommy has to go talk to daddy for a minute." I gave them both a kiss on the forehead and asked Lilly one more time if she was ok before I left.

I took the elevator up to Edwards floor and felt butterfly's swimming in my stomach as I made my way to his room. I decided to peak through the window before I walked in but his face was completely blank. That only made me more nervous. I assumed he wanted to talk about Lilly but I couldn't be sure. I took a deep breath before finally opening the door. He didn't even turn to look at me as I walked in and I took that as a bad sign. I quietly took the seat next to his bed and waited for him to tell me what was on his mind. But he didn't. He didn't say a thing.

"Lilly woke up." I said shyly. He finally looked at me. "That's good. So shes ok then?" He asked. I nodded my head not knowing what else to say. The silence was killing me. I knew he wanted to tell me something but he just wouldn't. It was beginning to frustrate me. "Edward, I know you want to say something...just get it over with." I said looking away from him somehow knowing what he was about to say. "I can tell you have something to tell me too." He said. "You first." I sighed still not looking at him.

He took a deep breath and began. "I cant remember you Bella. Ive tried so hard but I just cant." "So what does that mean?" I asked angrily and finally looking at him. He didn't say anything. "Does that mean we're over? All the years we spent together...gone. Just like that." I asked as I felt the first few tears roll down my cheeks. He still wouldn't say anything. "Your gonna let this ruin our lives...our marriage." I yelled. "I cant remember our lives together Bella. I cant remember anything about you. Cant you see how frustrating that is?" He yelled back. For a moment I was taken aback. Edward had never yelled at me before. This isn't my Edward in that bed.

I did the only thing that came to my mind at that moment. I yelled back. "Don't you see how frustrating it is for me? To love someone that doesn't even remember loving you back. And know to hear your giving up on me...don't you see how frustrating and infuriating that is for me." "Well what do you want me to do Bella. Ive tried my hardest but nothing happens." He yelled. "What about the kids? Who's gonna be the one to tell them?" I yelled back. "They'll understand." He said.

I was so angry that I just yelled not even thinking about the words that came out. "Well what about nine months from now when Im sitting in the hospital giving birth, are you gonna be there to tell that baby that you love them but mommy just wasnt good enough? Will that baby understand?" I screamed, choking on my tears. Edward stared at me with his mouth hung open as I realized what Id just said. The silence became deafening between us until Edward broke it.

"Your pregnant?" He asked. I nodded my head.

"Oh my god!" Edward said gasping.

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**Well now Edward knows about the baby...but what will he think? lol anyway reviews are always welcome and i hope u all liked it. now u just need to tell me if it should be a boy or girl! lol oh and thanx 2 u all for taking the time to read this..i cant believe its been a year since i started...im so thankful to u all.**

**Much Love and Thanx**

**-Tink-**


	17. Chapter 17

****

Hey guys i no its been a looong time but i finally got it dne. lol. also volleyball practices have been killer. lol. But anyway...ill leave u alone now.

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Chapter 17

"_When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better._"

"I know your mad at me and I'm sorry. See I told Em you would hate me but he didn't believe me, he just kept pushing me to tell you even though I didn't want to he made me. I cant believe I told you like that. I should've kept my big fat mouth shut…." I rambled as I paced back and forth in front of Edwards bed with fresh tears streaming down my face. His mouth hung open and his eyes were so wide I thought they were gonna fall out his sockets.

Sometime during my ramble Edward came to. He still wore the same surprised expression but he figured out how to close his mouth. He opened and closed it a few times as though he wanted to say something to me. "You don't have to talk, I'm sorry I got you into this. I know you must hate me. I..." "Bella!" He yelled, which silenced me right in the middle of my rant. He took a deep breath and continued. "You were wearing a grey sweater." He said staring at nothing in particular. I was officially confused seeing as how I still had my pajamas on and I couldn't remember what I had wore the day before. "What are you talking about?" I said my voice still thick with tears.

"The day you found out you were pregnant with Sam, you were wearing a grey sweater with your favorite jeans. We were just coming home from my parents house and you were so anxious to tell me that you didn't even wait for me to open the door. You shouted right there on the porch that you were pregnant." I knew exactly what he was talking about and a little smile grew on my face as I remembered. "If I remember correctly you were the one yelling that you were gonna be a dad." I smiled and to my surprise he smiled back. It took a moment to register in my head that he had remembered something. My heart sank and my breath caught. "Do you remember?" I whispered. "The day you told me you were pregnant with Sam, yes. But all the other times Ive spent with you, no."

The hope that was once there was diminished. It didn't change anything. He had fallen out of love with me and there was nothing I could do about it. My head sank and I couldn't stop the tears that began to fall down. "But its something right." Edward said. My head snapped up and I said the only thing I could think of. "What do you mean?" "I can remember how I adored you and loved you that day. Maybe if I can remember that, I can remember everything else to." I was speechless. I couldn't understand him. I was expecting him to say that it wasn't enough and that we couldn't be together. But he didn't. He said the complete opposite. "I'm not saying that it will work out, but...we can try. Cant we?"

His words were overwhelming but great..and confusing. They were the words that I'd wanted to hear all along but they took me off guard. The conversation had taken a complete 180 and I was a little slow in catching up. Two minutes ago he was telling me that he couldn't be with me, now he wants to work it out. It was giving me a headache. "Why?" I asked. "Why what?" "Why do you want to try now? You were hellbent on leaving me just two minutes ago, what changed?" I asked. "Remembering the way I felt. That's what changed. Bella, I couldn't remember loving you. At all. But remembering that day gave me a glimpse of what we had and my guts telling me not to give up."

"In that case, we should listen to that gut of yours." I said as I sat down next to him and put my head in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around me but it didn't feel like it used to. But I wasn't complaining. This is what I had been praying for. Suddenly my dreams didn't seem that far away. But that didn't mean that it would be easy to get there. I knew there would still be obstacles ahead for us. Especially if Edward couldn't remember. We sat there in silence as I tried to put myself in his shoes. I imagined being so lost in your own world that nothing made sense. I tried to imagine that one of the people that I loved more than life itself was the only person I couldn't remember.

I began to see the frustration that Edward must have felt when everyone in his life is telling him that he's madly in love with a women he only remembers seeing once or twice. It just didn't make sense. I felt guilty for pushing him so hard. But I would do it all over again. I wouldn't just sit back and let him forget, I would fight as hard as I could. When your blessed with the only other half of yourself, it would be a tragedy to let it slip from you so easily. But in all truth that's what was happening. He was slipping from me and I was only hanging on by a thread. In reality, I knew this, but in my own little world that I had created here in Edwards arms it was only a senseless worry. And right now, it didn't matter. It didn't even equivalent to the joy I felt just by having him in my arms.

"Are we interrupting something?" Rose asked as she led Esme and Emmett into the room. I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks and straighten up, immediately feeling the emptiness as soon as Edward was away from me. "Well?" Em asked. "He knows." I said. "Well its about time." He said as he hugged me tightly. It kind of surprised me. The only glimpses of the real Em that I had seen was just between the two of us. I could tell he felt the weirdness of having everyone observe our private moment, because he immediately let me go and avoided all eye contact. I could tell Rose was suspicious too. The way her eyebrows crinkled up and her lips pursed gave her away.

"Are we missing something?" Esme asked. "Wheres Alice?" I asked, avoiding the question. "Shes down stairs with Sammy and Lilly." Rose said eyeing me. "Well?" Esme said looking from me to Em. I decided to take the spotlight from him for the moment and just tell everyone. "Well...I'm..pregnant." I hesitated. There was complete silence in the room as they processed it. Normally Esme would have screamed with joy and nearly suffocated me in a hug, but I could tell she was going over the same things in her head that had passed in mine a thousand times. Is this really the right time? Will they be able to handle this? Will they survive this? What will the kids think? It was all to familiar to me.

Surprisingly Rose was the one to break the silence. "Oh my goodness. I cant believe it. I'm so happy for you." She said as she engulfed me in a hug. I hesitantly hugged her back as I could still see the suspicion in her eyes. Mental note: Talk to Rose. Fast. "Me too honey. I'm so happy for you. I cant wait to have another little baby around the house." Esme said as she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. She let me go only to hug and kiss her son too. "Thanks Esme." I said at the same time Edward said "Thanks mom." Emmett stayed quiet in his little corner. He seemed to be deep in thought. I wanted to know what was going through that head of his and what stopped him from reaching out to the rest of us. By the look on Roses face I could tell she wanted the same. It was strange not seeing them interact with each other. Em and Rose were never ones to be afraid of PDA. That wasn't always a good thing either.

Now thaey never even aknowledge the fact that the other is in the same room. I wonder what its like at home, when their with eachohter all day. From the way Rose brushed past Em to stand on the other side of Edward, I figured not to good. It was really weird to see them like this. We were always making a big fuss over them being to intimate in public but now we barley even see it. I cant judge though. I think ive forgotten what Edward taste like. Seems like the only couple intact right now is Alice and Jazz.

Rose hugged Edward and told him how happy she was for him but didn't really say anything else. Esme kept most of Edwards attention during their visit which left me free to observe Rose and Em. Which really wasn't a good thing. They stayed across the room from each other and constantly avoided eye contact. It was as though they had already given up. It broke my heart to know that that's how me and Edward looked to other people. The fierce silence between them was overpowering. We all knew they were meant to be, but lately Ive been having my doubts. About us all.

"Did you hear me Bella?" Esme asked, getting my attention. "Oh. No..sorry. I was somewhere else." I chuckled nervously. "I was telling Edward how that house of yours is going to get a lot more crowded once Edward comes home and the new baby comes." "Yea, we weren't really planning on any of this." I told her. "Well, I was saving this for Christmas but I guess I can give it to you now." She began. "Ive been working with a couple of friends from work and we found this old home that needed to be renovated. Its not done yet, but if we hurry I believe we can have it ready by time the baby comes." She said.

"Mom that's not necessary." Edward protested at the same time I did. She looked at Edward and said "Now, now. I'm your mother, what I say goes." I began to argue but Esme held her hand up to silence me. "Bella, this is my gift to you. If you want you can even say its for the baby if that makes you feel better." Esme said in a tone that obviously intended for the conversation to be over. Before I had a chance to risk the wrath of Esme, Dr. Morisson stepped inside the room.

"There's lots of smiles in the room today." He said. "We have reason to celebrate." Esme responded. "May I ask what that may be?" "Bella's pregnant." Esme beamed. "Congrats. That is reason to celebrate." He said. "And Edward remembered something." I said quickly. All eyes went wide and focused on me. "Is that true Edward?" Dr. Morisson asked. Edward nodded his head. "May I ask what that was?" He asked. "I remember the day Bella told me she was pregnant with Sam." He said reluctantly. I knew this was uncomfortable to him but if there was any possibility that his condition changed and he would get his memory back, I wanted to know.

"What were you doing when you remembered?" "Bella had just told me she was pregnant." Edward said. "So was it happiness that brought the sudden remembrance on or was it something else?" He said. Edward shook his head but didn't answer. "We were arguing." I whispered. "Can I have a minute alone with Edward please"? Dr. Morisson said. We all, reluctantly, left the room. Dr. Morisson shut the door behind us and we were left to wonder what was going on. Once outside I decided to go check on Sammy and Lilly. Emmett called for me to wait for him and jogged to catch up to me. Once we started walking again Em spoke. "So I guess you did hold up your end of the deal." He said. "Yea. I guess." I responded going over the argument in my head. I decided to store the memory in the back of my head for now and focus on another issue. "Now its your turn." I said. "I don't know if that's gonna be possible." Em said.

**Edward POV  
**Dr. Morisson closed the door behind my family and came to sit in the chair next to my bed. "Is that all you remember?" He asked me. I nodded my head. "So you don't have any idea what happened the day the buildings came down?" He asked. This was the question that I had been trying so hard to avoid. Nobody asked me. They just assumed that that was a part of my memory that had been messed up. I didn't have the guts to correct them. I didn't want to relive what happened. It was just to painful. I felt a sinking in my stomach every time I thought about it. I wasn't allowed to remember Bella, apparently the happiest thing that had ever stumbled upon me, but I had to live with the worst memory I would ever come across. It just wasn't fair.

"Edward?" Dr. Morisson asked. "Do you remember what happened on 9/11?" He continued. "Since when do doctors perform interrogations?" I said, trying to divert his attention. "Its not an interrogation. You've had serious head trauma and I'm your doctor. I need to know these things if I'm gonna be able to help you and determine if the res any possibility of regaining your lost memories." He said. "Of course that comes at a cost. Most likely those memories that you've tried so hard to suppress, all the bad times in your life, they'll come flooding back too. So you need to make a choice Edward. Is keeping the bad memories away worth letting the good ones go too?" He continued.

I knew he was right. I couldn't remember half of my life. No one should have to live like that. I definitely didn't have the right to choice either. "If facing these memories will help you regain the rest, then we should at least try Edward." He said. I looked him straight in the eye and said "I doubt that will work." "Why wouldn't it?" He asked. I huffed and turned my head away. "Because I already know what happened." I whispered. "What do you mean?" "After I woke up, that was the first memory to come back to me. That was the first picture to appear." I said solemnly. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Dr. Morisson asked with true curiosity. I shrugged my shoulders not wanting to answer.

"What you say will stay in this room Edward. I promise. Unless you tell me otherwise, no one will ever know what was said in here." He said sensing my hesitation. "Would you have told?" I asked. He thought for a moment. "If I thought it could help, yes." He answered. "Well what if it cant help? What if I'm stuck dealing with this memory forever?" I said getting upset. "Edward, no matter what happens, this memory will be etched in your brain always. Just like it is with the rest of us. You may have gotten the worst of it, but your not the only one affected. This is one memory that cant be erased." He said.

"Since when do doctors become therapists?" I said. "Since they have a patient who their determined to help get better." He responded. "What if I don't get better? What then?" "Then we will deal with it then. But for right now, the possibility of you regaining everything is still an option." He said. "But what if I cant." I said. "You cant be scared forever. That's not gonna do anything but hold you back and prevent you even further from remembering. Ive known your family for a few years now and from everything Carlisle tells me about you and your family, I personally believe you should at least try. I don't think this is something you want to give up." He said.

"Think of your family. Of Bella, your children. How will it effect them to know that you've just given up and wont even try anymore?"He continued. "What am I supposed to do?" I said angrily. "There not the ones that have to deal with this." I said. "Yes they do Edward. They love you. They will be absolutely devastated if they cant get you back." "I'm right here." I yelled. "Not all of you. Not the best part of you." He said calmly. For some reason this silenced me. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to have Bella and showing me pictures of how in love we were but I just couldn't remember.

From the pictures we looked pretty happy and in love but I just felt nothing when we looked at each other. I knew this had to be hurting her. She spent the majority of her life loving me only to have it taken away from her in a matter of hours. It was painful to think of myself as her. It hurt to feel her heartbreak. If I couldn't do this for me, I had to at least try to do this for Sam and Lilly. And Bella.

"Ok fine. Ill tell you what I remember."

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**Finally another chapter from Edward POV. lol. plz review and tell me what u think. id also lyk ur input on what u guys want the baby to be and name suggestions. I just cant decide lol. Thanx guys n gals.**

**Much Love and Thanx**

**-Tink-**


	18. Chapter 18

**Ok so i no its been over a year since ive updated this story but alot has happened within that time that really affected me mentally. Im a little ashamed to say that for a while i lost the will to write. i havent quite gotten it back yet but i just wanted to test my hand at it before i completly lost the drive. Again i apologize for waiting so long and i really hope that this chapter meets some of your standards. ill let u get 2 it now! Enjoy(Hopefulli)**

**p.s. it mite be a little short..sorri**

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Chapter 18

_"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."_

"Think of your family. Of Bella, your children. How will it affect them to know that you've just given up and won't even try anymore?" He continued. "What am I supposed to do?" I said angrily. "There not the ones that have to deal with this." I said. "Yes they do Edward. They love you. They will be absolutely devastated if they can't get you back." "I'm right here." I yelled. "Not all of you. Not the best part of you." He said calmly. For some reason this silenced me. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to have Bella and showing me pictures of how in love we were but I just couldn't remember.

From the pictures we looked pretty happy and in love but I just felt nothing when we looked at each other. I knew this had to be hurting her. She spent the majority of her life loving me only to have it taken away from her in a matter of hours. It was painful to think of myself as her. It hurt to feel her heartbreak. If I couldn't do this for me, I had to at least try to do this for Sam and Lilly. And Bella.

"Ok fine. I'll tell you what I remember."

Dr. Morisson sat back in his chair and crossed his arms waiting for me to speak. I hesitated before taking a deep breath. "It's all in bits and pieces." I said. "That's ok. I just wanna hear what you remember." He said calmly. I couldn't figure out why it mattered to him so much. He's just my doctor. It shouldn't affect him at all. "I'm just trying to help." He said sensing my hesitation. I decided it couldn't hurt any more than it already was so I mustered up the strength to start talking.

"I remember I was sitting at a desk. I was anxious for something. Like I was expecting something big but I don't remember what it was." "Your family said you were expecting a promotion that day." Dr. Morisson interrupted. Something about the new information he gave me meant a lot. I couldn't explain it but it felt like he was helping me piece everything back together. "There was a woman next to me. She kept spinning in her chair. Like a little kid." I said smiling at the memory. "Her name was Hannah." He said.

"Hannah." I whispered under my breath feeling the familiarity of the name. Like I've said it a thousand times. Then I registered everything he said. "Was?" I asked. "Her body was recovered from the rubble." He said staring at me. Waiting for a reaction. "She's dead?" I said. Something inside me began to hurt a little. "I think I knew her." I whispered. "You did." He said. My head snapped up and I begged him with my eyes to keep going.

"She was your friend for over 3 years now. She knew her husband and 1 year old son." Dr. Morisson said letting me soak up this new information. I focused on the smiling face I remember spinning in the chair. "I think I remember her." I gasped as new memories played in my head. I saw her rubbing her big belly and telling me she was having a boy. I remembered saying hello to her for the first time.

"We can stop if you want to Edward." "No. We have to keep going." I panicked think he would stop. "Ok, ok. We can keep going. Take me back to what you remember about 9/11." He said putting me back on track.

"What came next?" He asked. I tried to calm my overactive brain so I could focus. "I remember hearing a big boom and then the building shook. I remember screams and then everything went dark. Like someone turned the lights out." By now I had forgotten that r. Morisson was listening to me. I was so caught up in the story myself. Like I was hearing it for the first time. As I spoke aloud new memories seemed to focus and just spill out of my mouth as though I had never even forgotten them.

"Then there was Jinny and someone else." "Who's Jinny?" He asked. "She got hurt. She broke her leg. I tried to help her." I said only faintly hearing him talking to me. It seemed like the memories were speaking louder than he was.

"Then I remember more bangs and lots of smoke. It was getting hotter and harder to breath up there. I think I called Bella." I said squinting my eyes in confusion and vaguely remembering our conversation. "You did. You called her." Dr. Morisson said sitting on the edge of his chair. I could hear the excitement that was in his voice now. He was no longer guiding me through this; he was standing beside me taking this journey with me.

"What then?" He asked excitedly. My heart sank as I replayed the memory in my head. "They're jumping." I whispered. The picture of the people falling past our window was so vivid it felt like I wasn't even in the hospital anymore but like I was back in that room watching it all happen over again.

My body and mind were both telling me it was time to stop but I couldn't. Not now. Not that I was getting some of it back. I couldn't stop. I had to keep going. "Edward I think we should stop now." Dr. Morisson said in a worried tone. I could hear the machines beeping a little faster than they should have been but I was scared that this would be my only chance to get it all back. I had to keep going.

More and more memories began to resurface and my head started to ache. I remembered the building collapsing around us. I remembered whispering good bye to my family and pleading the wind to take it to them. I felt Dr. Morisson grab me by the shoulders and yell at me to stop but I couldn't see him anymore.

I was back in the rubble. There was debris all around me. I began to panic as I realized I couldn't move. I tried yelling for help but no one yelled back. I was pinned and I felt like my whole body was broken. All I could see what the burning debris from what was left of the North Tower. My head felt like it was on fire and I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding. I try again to get free but I can't do it. I can't move an inch.

My breathing gets harder and my body gets weaker and before long I'm still as a board gasping for air. I don't wanna see what's in from of me so I close my eyes. Bad idea because now I can't open them. My heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest a thousand times and I feel tears slip down my cheeks as I think about dying.

"Edward come back to me." Someone yelled from far away but I couldn't make out the voice. They dint sound like they were there with me. I tried again to open my eyes but my body wouldn't let me. Pain shot from my head to my toes every time I tried. So I quit trying.

"Damn it Edward. Don't do this." Someone yelled again. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't make out who it was. There was no one else there with me. Who could be calling out to me? Their pleads sounded worried. I wanted to know who was trying to keep me alive but I still couldn't open my eyes. The darkness behind my eyelids was threatening. It was calling to me. Telling me to give up.

Then everything went quiet. There was no voice anymore. I couldn't even hear the sound of the debris falling around me or the fires crackling close by. Along with the sound the pain seemed to disappear with it. Reluctantly I began to open them and felt a strange calmness when I realized I could open them all the way. What I saw nearly made my heart explode.

"Mom? Dad?" I whispered. Right in front of me stood my parents. Edward and Elizabeth Mason. I felt the tears flow freely now as I realized I was dead. That's the only reason I could be sitting here talking to them right now. I felt my chest ache as I let go of a huge sob. My mother dropped to her knees and grabbed me by the face. All of a sudden the debris wasn't holding me down anymore.

I raised a hand to her face just to make sure she was really there. I had forgotten what she looked like. I cried even harder as I admitted that to myself. "Why are you crying Edward?" My mother asked. Her sweet as honey voice echoed around me and I never wanted to let it go again.

"I missed you guys." I admitted. She smiled at me and wiped a tear from my face. "We've missed you too son." My father said suddenly appearing next to my mom. "It's been too long." My mom said. "I'm sorry." My father said putting a hand on my arm. "For what?" I asked sitting up.

"For leaving you." He said. I saw a tear streak down his face and in that moment in time or space I didn't feel like a grown man who was about to die. I felt like a little boy whose parents had just died. I didn't want to let them go. Not again.

"That's not your fault." I cried into my mother's shoulder. "Still we are sorry." She cried back to me. I don't know how long we stayed like that. Just appreciating each other's presence. I hadn't been able to hear or feel my mom and dad in what felt like forever. Somehow I'd forgotten how much I missed them.

"You need to go back Edward." My mom pleaded looking me in the eye and cupping my face with her hands. "I don't wanna leave you." I cried. "We're never gone honey. We're with you all the time." "And we'll continue to be, but you can't stay here. You have to go back to your family." My father finished. "How? How can I go back to a family that I can't even remember?" I asked angrily.

"It doesn't matter that you can't remember anything Edward. They still can. Do you really want them to feel the way you felt when you lost us? Especially your kids." "You know I have kids?" I asked surprised. "Of course pumpkin. Like I said, we've been watching." She chuckled. My heart ached a little bit at the name she used to call me all the time when I was younger.

"Do you really wanna put your children through that son?" My father asked. "Of course not. But how do I go back there. I don't even know what _there_ is. I don't even know what _here _is." I said to him. "Here is the only place you shouldn't be. The longer you stay the harder it will be to get back." He said to me. I could feel that he was right.

"Don't worry about us." My mom said reading my inner thoughts. "We've been with you this long, we don't intend to stop now." She finished. "I don't wanna go back without you." I admitted. "We'll always be there when you need us." My father said. "You're still our little boy." My mom laughed. "But right now Esme and Carlisle need _their_ little boy back." She said releasing a tear and letting it fall down her cheek.

Something inside me twisted with guilt as I remembered them. How could I have forgotten them? My mother kissed me on the forehead and stood up. "Your family needs you Edward. Don't run away from them. Don't run away from Bella." She told me.

"I can't remember her." I said frustrated. "But she can remember you. Isn't she worth the try." My mother said. "You can't stay here son. We won't let you." My father said as he too kissed me on the forehead and stood up. His messy hair falling in his face reminded me so much of my own. My mother looked down on me with eyes that were my own and whispered "I love you pumpkin. I'm so proud of the man that you've become. It's not your time yet Edward. Go back to them."

"We will see each other again one day. And next time I won't make you go back. I promise." My father chuckled. "I don't wanna be without you." I confessed. "You're never without us pumpkin. We're every breath you take. Every wind that blows. Every sun that shines." She smiled.

"You used to say that every night before you tucked me in." I smiled. "Now it's your turn to say it to your children." My dad said as they both turned around and walked away. Suddenly I was pulled back to the ground and the pain came back. I was trapped again and my body felt like it was on fire.

"Edward can you hear me? It's Dr. Morisson. Edward open your eyes? Damn it Edward. Please don't die."

_I'm trying._

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**Ok guys n gals..its finally here. lol..please review and tell me what you think..i really need opinion on if i should continue or not. Like i said..ive been through alot this past year and i have alot going on in my head but this story means alot 2 me and i dnt wanna abandon it. your thoughts are much appreciated and wanted. i hope this chapter has lived up to my other ones..as always..**

**Much Love and Thanx**

**-Tink-**


	19. Chapter 19

**So i know its been waaaayy too long since ive last updated but ive been going through alot these last few years and the motivation to write just wasnt there anymore. I recently suffered a very hard loss within the last few weeks and my only solace seems to be writing so i ended up getting this chapter done. i hope it fits all of your standards and that your not dissapointed. **

**Enjoy! :)**

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Chapter 19

"_The strongest people aren't always the people who win, but the people who don't give up when they lose." Unknown_

_"Edward can you hear me? It's Dr. Morisson. Edward open your eyes? Damn it Edward. Please don't die."_

_I'm trying._

Bella POV

It was like he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. I was somewhat comforted by the fact that he didn't have to worry about anything anymore, not the towers, not the pain. Not me. A part of me was thankful as I looked down on him and I knew that he couldn't feel any pain. But the other part of me was shattered and broken. My husband was gone, and there was nothing that I could do about it. Not for my kids, my family, or for me. Unconsciously I moved my free hand down to rest on my stomach and began rubbing soothing circles. He would leave me with this one blessing. That would be the last thing of him I would have.

It pained me beyond words to know that he would never lay eyes on this baby. Our baby. He or she would never know the amazing person that was once their father. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to spill over when I pictured him reading bedtime stories and falling asleep cuddled against all three of our children. I had to remind myself that, that wasn't going to happen. Not anytime soon anyway.

As I fought to gain control of myself I squeezed his hand even tighter before closing my eyes and resting my head in the crook of his neck, taking deep, steady breaths to calm myself. The warmth of his skin immediately made me feel better. It reminded me of when I would have a bad dream during the night and he'd wake up and pull me closer to him so that I was resting on his chest as he hummed a song to put me back to sleep. I focused on the rising and falling of his chest as the ventilator sounded in the background.

His heart was still beating but the man lying in the hospital bed wasn't my husband. It couldn't be. The Edward I knew was this strong, cocky beautiful man that was full of life. The man that was in the hospital bed looked lifeless and weak. He had lost weight and you could almost see his ribs now. The only movement to come from him was the constant rise and fall from the ventilator machine that was breathing for him. He had to be turned by the nurses every two hours to avoid bed sores. This couldn't be my husband. I refused to believe it.

It had been almost two weeks since Edward slipped into a coma. Dr. Morrisson said the strain he was putting on his brain to remember something caused a bleed in his brain. They had to open him back up but by then there was only so much they could do for him. They settled for leaving him in a coma, because the alternative was death. I had refrained from letting Sammy or Lilly into the room because the sight of their father was too much for even me to bear. Nobody was expecting this. He was fine, talking, moving on his own. No one could have seen this coming.

We all constantly blamed ourselves. If only we had been a little more patient with him and didn't push him as hard as we did. Maybe then he would be here today. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek but didn't bother to wipe it away. I felt like I had no energy left in me anymore to do anything, not even the smallest of tasks. I couldn't even remember the last time I had eaten a full meal. I had settled for the king sized snickers that I could get from the vending machines on the 3rd floor.

Esme and Carlisle suggested taking the children for a while and all I could do was agree with them. I didn't even have it in me to say goodbye to them. I just packed their bags and sent them off. I knew I would always feel guilty for that but I just couldn't find the life in me. It was like Edward took it with him when he left and I didn't know if I'd ever get it back. I didn't know how.

"Hey. How's he doing?" Rose asked as she walked in the room and sat next to me. I remembered the tears on my face but still neglected from wiping them away. Rose took one look at me and I could see my sadness in her eyes. "Bella." She whispered sadly. I couldn't stand the pain in her voice so I just looked away. She put her hand on my back in comfort and said "Bella you have to stay positive about this. The doctors said he could come back." "20 percent Rose. The doctors said there was a 20 percent chance that he would come back. I'm not getting my hopes up." I said angrily. Luck hadn't been kind to us at all this past month and I had a feeling he would be no kinder in the months to come.

"Well you need to suck it up Bella, because your kids _need_ you. They've lost their father and now their mother acts like they don't even exist. Don't make them go through another loss Bella. You need to find whatever humanity is left inside of you and be there for them and take care of them, they need you more than your pain needs a home." She said returning every ounce of anger I had just given her ten times over. "You and Emmett are so much alike right now it's ridiculous. And not in a good way." She sighed as she sat back in her chair.

Her outburst caught me by surprise and even scared me a little which it shouldn't have. I mean this is Rose we're referring to. She never holds her tongue for anybody. Now that I thought about it I was surprised she had held it this long. She was always the one to say what was on her mind whenever it was on her mind. I sat back and sighed with her. I knew she was right. "I don't know what to do." I said simply. "Edward was always the one to deal with a crisis. It was never me. I don't know how to do this." I said as I felt fresh tears stinging at my eyes and then finally spilling over and falling down my cheeks onto my sweater.

"Well you need to figure it out Bella. You're a great mother to your kids and they need that right now. They're confused and hurting and they need you to not only tell them it's gonna be ok but show them that everything's alright as well." She said. "Your right Rose. I know your right but I can't find anything in me to fix this for them." "That's the problem Bella. Stop thinking you can fix this. You can't. Nothing you do will make a difference in this situation." She said pointing from me to Edward. "But everything you do for your kids will make a difference." She finished. I knew she was right. I had to at least try for them.

"Especially with a new baby coming. You can't bring a baby into this much pain and sadness Bella." Hearing Rose speak of the baby reminded me that I had promised Carlisle I would go to my first doctor's appointment today. I had scheduled it two weeks ago when Dr. Morrisson asked to speak to Edward alone. I thought that he would be there with me. The reality that I would be alone at this appointment hit me like a ton of bricks and I found that I couldn't stop crying.

"What is it Bella?" Rose asked as she rubbed soothing circles in my back. It took me a while to stop the tears and find my voice but I finally told her. "I have my first appointment today. This will be the only one that Edwards not there for." I explained. She looked at me like she understood. "If it makes you feel better I'll go with you." She suggested. It wasn't nearly enough to make me feel better but I didn't think I could face this alone so I agreed to let her come with me.

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours but were really only 20 minutes before Alice poked her head through the door. "Hey, Carlisle sent me to make sure you go to your appointment. He said it's in ten minutes." She said as she moved to stand behind me. I felt a tug at my heart and immediately tightened my grip on Edward's hand. "Don't worry I'll stay with him." Alice said noticing my sudden hesitance.

"But what about Jasper?" I asked. "He's fine. The doctors actually in with him right now so I have a few minutes to spare. Plus I miss my brother like crazy." She said flashing me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Come on Bella, you have to check on the baby." Rose said as she stood and held the door open for me. I finally found the will to move and kissed Edwards hand before finally standing and following Rose out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind me everything inside of me was screaming at me to go back and reclaim my seat next to my husband but I had to put my baby first right now. Besides Alice looked like she needed some sibling time with her brother. I silently followed Rose up to the OB-GYN floor and quickly signed in before taking a seat in the farthest corner I could find.

I looked around the room and saw how happy the new mothers seemed and how excited the fathers were about their little bundles of joy. Tears welled up again as I longed for Edward to be here. "Are you crying?" Rose whispered. I sniffled and did my best to wipe away the tears before they fell fully intending on denying it but there was no point so instead I just nodded. "Seems like I do these days is cry. I cry when I wake up I cry when walking down the hallway I cry myself to sleep. I can't believe I haven't run out of tears by now."

"Bella crying isn't a bad thing. You deserve to cry as much as you want right now. Besides your pregnant. Chances are it's just the baby making you all teary eyed." She chuckled. I chuckled with her for once feeling a sense of relief. "Isabella Cullen." I heard the nurse say. I hadn't even noticed that the waiting room was partially empty now. I stood and grabbed ahold of Roses hand before taking a deep breath and letting the nurse lead me into the exam room.

She asked me a few basic questions before informing me that my regular doctor was on vacation for the next few weeks and that I would be seeing Dr. Avery today. Rose walked around the room examining and touching all the objects that were set out. "Gosh it's been awhile since I've been in one of these offices." She smiled. "You and Emmett gonna try for more?" I asked. Slowly the loving and content look that was on her face fell off. "I don't know. We barely talk anymore so we haven't really talked about the future. He just seems so withdrawn from everyone. Even the kids. He wouldn't even play baseball with Josh the other day. Did you know he quit his job?" She asked.

I had seen Emmett the other day and he hadn't mentioned anything about him not going back to the fire house so this surprised me. "No he didn't say anything to me." "He didn't tell anyone not even me at first. I didn't find out until afterwards." She sighed as she ran her hand through her gorgeous blond hair reminding me all too well of when Edward did the same thing. I guess that's a trait we all picked up from him.

"Hello my name is Dr. Avery and I'll be examining you today." He said as he walked over and shook my hand. He was a tall man that easily towered over me and Rose and looked to be in his early 40s. I answered all of his questions to the best of my ability before he finally told me to lie back so that he could do the ultrasound. He quickly entered my information in the system before bringing it next to the bed and taking a seat in the stool.

"Sorry but this is gonna be a little cold." He warned. I just nodded my head. I knew the routine already. I still winced when the cold jelly hit my exposed stomach though. I immediately glued my eyes to the screen trying to make out the little form of my baby. I knew it would be too early but I wanted to see if I could find him or her on the little screen.

The doctor played with the little joystick thingy moving it all around my stomach making it hard for me to keep up. I was beginning to get a little anxious when he finally stopped in one spot and turned the screen so I could see it better. "That right there is your baby." He said pointing out a little figure that seemed to be upside down. The little peanut looking shape immediately took my breath away. The doctor pushed another button and suddenly the room was filled with the most amazing sound that could ever have existed. My baby's heartbeat.

"You look to be around 9 weeks 3 days right now and I'm gonna guestimate a due date of around May 24th. Give or take a few days. You'll be able to get a more solid answer at your next checkup though." He said as he kept moving the joystick around my belly. "Oh my goodness Bella." Rose said. I hadn't noticed she had moved next to me and was now holding my hand. I did however notice the tears welling in her eyes. She looked more than excited.

"Everything looks to be fine. I do however have one concern. The baby looks to be a little on the small side. It could just be your eating habits so make sure you're getting enough nutrients in your boy on a daily basis. I'll let your doctor know to keep an eye out for your next visit but other than that everything looks ok." He said flashing me a bright smile.

"I'm gonna give you a minute to clean up while I write up a prescription for some prenatal vitamins and I'll have the nurse bring it in in a few minutes ok. It was nice to meet you Isabella." He said happily as he shook both mine and Roses hand before leaving the room. I began wiping the gel off my belly and gathering my things when Rose just couldn't contain her excitement anymore.

"He's so cute. Just the most precious thing that I've ever seen. Oh my gosh do you think it's gonna be a boy or a girl. Ahh I can't wait." She said practically jumping up and down reminding me of a very happy Alice. I laughed with her and for once the thoughts of my shattered family were not with me. All I could think of were thoughts of my unborn child.

The nurse finally came in interrupting our little celebration. She handed me the prescription for the pre natal vitamins and surprised me when I saw the little pictures of my baby. I stared at them in awe for what seemed like centuries when the nurse broke my concentration by handing me a cd disk. "This has the recording of your baby's heartbeat." She explained. I wasn't expecting that one. I was suddenly overrun with the need to put it in the CD player and listen to it over and over and over again.

The way back down to Edward's room was filled with little giggles and talk of babies. We wondered who would be next to add to their family. We talked about what our children would be like when they grew up and for those few minutes we were happy. Truly happy. Our laughs weren't forced and our smiles weren't fake. We were happy.

All too soon we arrived back at Edwards's room and that all too familiar sense of helplessness and sadness washed over me. I slowly opened the door and my heart immediately stopped. Alice was hunched over in the chair sobbing. The sobs that escaped her were painful to hear. My immediate reaction was to look around the room and see what had gone wrong. But Edward's machines were still beeping and the ventilator was still causing the rise and fall of his chest. I was sure that if the problem was Edward there would be an army of doctors and nurses flooding the room but all was quiet except for Alice's sobs.

I dropped to my knees next to her and began rubbing her back trying to at least offer what comfort I could. "Alice what's wrong?" I asked her trying to get her to slow her breathing down. She couldn't say anything, she just kept shaking her head. "Alice is it Jasper?" Rose asked with panic rising in her voice. Again she couldn't speak but instead just nodded her head. "What is it? Alice what's wrong with my brother?" Rose asked. She was in full blown panic mode.

It was another 5 minutes before we could get Alice to calm down enough to finally form words. When she did speak we all wished that she hadn't. The only words to fall from her lips were "His legs. Their taking his legs."

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**Ahhhh! a cliffly! i have already decided where i want this story to go and how its gonna end its just a matter of writing it down. I want to say thank you to all those who have stuck with me through the years and i will do my best to finish this story for you guys!**

**-Much Love and Thanks to you all-**


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